“No, I don’t blame him. I know it’s not him saying such things, it’s the programming from his parents.”
“He really needs to get out of that relationship.”
“Amen to that. But it’s his family and family can be… complicated.”
“Right. Well here’s hoping he can take that leap before he self-sabotages even more of his life.” Evy huffed. “He’s surprisingly conscious about it, though. Based on what he shared with me. I think he got scared enough that he’ll truly try to change now.”
“I guess we’ll see,” Francis murmured, trying to keep the hope inside his chest from growing into anything too large to be contained, in case things backfired again.
* * * *
His weird feeling of almost-anxiety about the situation didn’t fade. Then, on the day when they were helping Kaos put his shop together, Mark came out to everyone who was there.
It had been a good day and when Mark walked in, Francis didn’t know how to feel. He was cautiously optimistic about it. Bringing treats for everyone had been a good idea and showed his intent more clearly than any words could have.
It just…. When Mark took in a deep breath and pushed out those words, Francis’s whole being screeched into a halt for a moment. It felt like a miracle, like a sign of something much bigger.
And Francis’s brain panicked and Kaos and Padraig noticed. In short order, he was ushered to help in the vet clinic side of the building and well, holding baby bunnies should’ve counted as therapy.
“You want to talk about it?” Padraig asked, when Athena went to answer a call and they were left together in the examination room with the bunnies that had been dropped off by their owner while she got groceries from across the road.
“I’ve been having a thing with Mark ever since Thanksgiving,” Francis spoke almost absently as he gently checked the bunny for anything obvious like eye infections or signs of having the runs.
Padraig made a choked little sound. “Well, all I can say is that Kaos was right about that.” Then he looked at Francis. “What threw you so much about him coming out?”
Francis chuckled. “I don’t even know, honestly. I guess it was the surprise. Like with him….” He handed the bunny over to Padraig, wondering how much he wanted to tell his best friend. He glanced at Padraig and sighed. “With him I’m the one in control.”
“Francis—”
“Iknow, trust me. It’s not something for me to control. It’s on his terms and on his time and it’s fucked up to feel like he left me out of it when it doesn’t have anything to do with me,” Francis rambled. “I mean I guess it does, but it doesn’t. I’m his… whatever I am, his Dom, his secret lover, I don’t know. It’s….”
Padraig hummed. “You know, I think you’re scared.”
Francis made a conscious decision to hold the bunny in his hands more securely, because for a second he thought he’d drop the poor thing. “I’mwhat?”
“Scared. Because if he’s a closeted sheriff’s deputy with serious internal homophobia issues, he’s unattainable for long term,” Padraig explained as if it made total sense.
Francis cradled the bunny to his cheek and closed his eyes for a few seconds. Padraig wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t a conversation he should be having with Padraig.
* * * *
That evening, a text from Mark came through just as Francis was about to leave his bedroom at the Grahams’ house and go take a shower.
Are we okay, Francis?
Giving the question the respect it deserved, Francis sat on the bed and replied.
Yes. I had an epiphany.
You did?
Uh-huh. It scared the shit out of me that you came out.
For a while, the three dots indicating that Mark was typing a message appeared, stopped, and reappeared again.
Why would it scare you? I don’t get it.
Francis took a deep breath, then opted for honesty.
