Eventually, Spike moved off the couch and toddled to the door. He turned to look at them, and Ben went to let him out. Then he came back to the couch and held a hand to Adrian.
“Come on, babe. We both need to eat. Gavin’s not going anywhere. Let’s sit in the kitchen.” Without the ashes next to their plates. Went without saying, that one.
Adrian wobbled a little, almost like Spike would, when he got up, but followed Ben to the kitchen anyway. It seemed like Adrian didn’t want to let go of Ben’s hand, but had to when they filled their plates and then sat to have dinner.
The mood was somber. Eventually, Adrian cleared his throat after taking a sip of the beer Ben had put next to his plate.
“What do you think we should do with the ashes?”
Ben swallowed hard, trying to figure out what the right answer was here.
“You said he always felt most at home here, right? Is there a place on the property he liked the most?”
Adrian hummed and continued eating, his expression thoughtful. After a few more bites, he brightened some.
“There is one spot, yeah. There’s a tree he liked. It’s actually close to where I sketched the painting.”
“So maybe we should spread his ashes there? It’s bound to be gorgeous there right now, with all the fall colors and such,” Ben mused.
“Yeah, that’s actually a pretty good idea.” Adrian smiled at him. His expression was tinged with grief, as if the loss had just settled in with the proof of it so concrete and literally touchable now.
***
They decided to leave Spike outside when he didn’t come in when called. The barn door was always left open for him, if the weather changed during the night and he wanted shelter. If he wanted to be inside, he’d come and howl at the door, obviously having lost most of his hearing. Adrian claimed it felt like living with a hard of hearing elderly human sometimes, with Spike’s vocalizations getting louder and louder the older he got.
They skipped TV time in lieu of a long, hot shower together. There was nothing sexual about it, just the fact that they both needed the comfort of each other.
Adrian clung to Ben a bit desperately for a while under the warm spray. It felt as if the grief washed over him every now and then, bringing another surge of emotions that wouldn’t slide off and away from him as easily as the water from the showerhead.
They got into bed and Ben pulled Adrian close. Sometimes Adrian’s breath shuddered and Ben would feel it against his chest and side. It broke his heart a little, but he knew sometimes you just had to wait it all out.
It took Adrian a couple of hours to fall asleep, and only when he heard the telltale snore did Ben let sleep claim himself.
***
In the morning, Ben woke first. He extracted himself from the sheet and the clingy sleeping man, and went to do his morning routines.
In the kitchen, he put the coffee machine on and went to look for Spike, who was always fed in the breakfast time and then again in the late afternoon.
He opened the door and peered into the morning. It was somewhere past nine, and sun was shining through the multi-colored leaves of the trees surrounding the yard.
Spike wasn’t in his doggy bed on the porch, so Ben pulled on his sneakers and went to peek in the barn.
It made no sense to call the dog, since he wouldn’t hear anyway. Ben had spent enough nights at the farm by now, that he knew the spots Spike might be. The barn was a bust, the dog bed there, by an old radiator, was empty.
Still not that worried, Ben walked around the yard and peeked into all the places he’d seen Spike snoozing in. The dog was nowhere to be seen.
He went back inside and found adorably sleepy Adrian pouring coffee in two mugs.
“Morning, honey,” Adrian murmured and Ben went to give him a kiss.
“Morning.” He waited until both of them had a few sips of coffee in, before breaking the news. “So, we might have a situation.”
“Oh?” Adrian perked up, his reddish eyebrows drawing together.
“Yeah. I can’t seem to find Spike anywhere.”
Adrian frowned, thought for a while, and then sighed. “Let’s go look. There’s a four-wheeler in the back garage. We’ll take that. I think you can fit in the back. I’ll drive carefully.” Adrian tried to smile, but Ben knew he wasn’t feeling it.
