“Thanks,” I whispered to him.
“Just take care of him,” he said out of the corner of his mouth before ushering the little ones away.
Not worrying about the food, I quickly closed the trunk and then turned all my attention to Riot.
“Talk to me, Ri. What’s going on?” I wanted to touch him so badly, but it wasn’t welcomed right now. I fisted my hands at my sides to keep them still.
He blinked slowly and then finally met my eyes. His were bloodshot, like he’d been crying, but looked dry now.
“I saw your aunt in the store.”
Fuck. I could imagine what she’d said to him to get him this upset. Aunt Leilani had always hated Riot and his family and would talk shit about them constantly, even before we’d become friends. It was the only thing I’d ever fought her about and ultimately had ruined my relationship with the only blood family I had left.
“What did she say, Ri? You know it was bullshit, whatever it was.”
Anger flashed across Riot’s face. Something I wasn’t used to seeing directed toward me.
“Oh yeah? So when she said thatyouturned down your scholarship to stay with me, that was bullshit?” Venom laced his tone, but there was hope there too. Hope that I could look him in the eye and tell him that my aunt had been full of shit. Hope I couldn’t give him.
Ringing filled my ears. My vision tunneled. This wasn’t happening. Riot was never supposed to find out.
Riot staggered back like he’d been shot. “It’s fucking true, isn’t it? You lied to me, Koa!” he accused. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe as my world crumbled around me. “Say it! Say you fucking lied!”
“I lied.”
Riot fell back into the SUV. His legs shook, and he barely had the strength to remain on his feet. On instinct, I went to follow him, to help him, but he held his hand up again, stopping me. “Don’t touch me. Just don’t?—”
“Riot.” My voice broke. I needed to fix this, but I had no idea how.
“I-I’m so sorry, Riot,” I started again. “I never wanted to hurt you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted.”
He shook his head as his arms wrapped around his middle. “Then why did you lie? I-I don’t get it, Koa. You promised. You knew what that meant to me, and you lied anyway.”
“I know you won’t understand, but I felt like I didn’t have another choice. If I told you the truth, you’d never have let me do it. You would’ve made me go to USC.”
“Of course I would’ve!” he screamed. “I wasn’t gonna let you ruin your life for me. Give up your dreams for me. Fuck, no wonder your aunt hates me. I’d hate me too.”
I couldn’t take it for another second. “I’m going to touch you now, Ri. If you really don’t want me to, say no fucking now.”
For a second, I thought he would. Or he’d just punch me in the damn face. It looked like he really wanted to. But he didn’t. He lifted his chin in defiance, his eyes boring a hole into me, but he didn’t stop me as I crowded him against the back of Sequoia. I wasn’t touching him, had left enough space for him to slip out if he had to, but I wanted him to feel my presence.
“You are my dream, Riot. You and these kids. That’s it. Yeah, I wanted to join the NFL, but you were right there with me on the sidelines the whole fucking time. I never imagined a future without you. Not once since the day I met you. I was only going to go to USC because I knew that was my best opportunity to get drafted and have enough money to support you and the kids. I was planning on joining the draft a year early and getting you guys out of this town as soon as fucking possible. But then you got custody earlier than we expected and I knew I couldn’t leave. I wasn’t going anywhere, not without you.”
Riot shook. “I-I don’t understand. Why would you want this when you could’ve had everything?”
“Thisis everything, Ri. All that money and fame would’ve meant jack shit without you. And I’m sorry I lied, but I knew how you’d react, how you’d blame yourself and try to push me away if I went, and I wasn’t gonna let that happen. I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby. I swear I never wanted to.”
I reached out, slowly, and cupped his cheek. My head fell forward so my forehead was touching his, and I wiped a teartrailing down his cheek. I had nothing else to say. Nothing that would make what I’d done right. I’d understood how important honesty was to him, how he might have seen this as a betrayal, but I’d taken the chance, and as much as I hated that I’d hurt him, I didn’t regret my choice. Because it had led to the last seven years and the life we’d built. Even if we could never be more than we were. Even if Riot never loved me the way I loved him, I would make every sacrifice, crawl to the center of the Earth to keep this.
Riot didn’t do anything but breathe. He didn’t push me away, but he didn’t touch me either. Didn’t speak. Just breathed deeply, in and out, until I was almost entranced by the rhythm.
Finally, his hands wrapped around me, and I almost sobbed in relief.
“I really hate that you lied to me.”
I closed my eyes. “I know, baby.”
“I don’t understand how I could be so fucking mad at you, but also happy you made the decision you did.”
