I pulled away just enough so I could look into his eyes. “Because it’s not the decision you’re mad about.”
His head lulled back, hitting the Sequoia with a light thud. “I know. And I know you’re right. I would’ve never let you do that. I would’ve broken my own heart and me in the process, but I would’ve forced you away. I would’ve lied if I’d had to and been the one who betrayed our promise. But I would’ve. And that makes me feel even shittier that I’m mad at you, because I get it. I do.”
“You have every right to be upset. I wish I could’ve thought of a way without lying to you. I swear if I had, I would’ve told you the truth. But leaving you wasn’t an option. I was a dumbass to think it ever could be.”
I wanted to keep talking. To tell him how much I loved him. How I wanted everything with him. But I didn’t want Riot to feelany pressure. Bombing him with love confessions when he was overwhelmed and vulnerable was wrong.
His fingers traced the tattoo on my bicep. It was then that I remembered I wasn’t wearing a jacket and the late-fall air was brisk, bordering on cold. I hadn’t even felt it until now.
“I spent the last seven years hating myself,” Riot said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Because as much as it broke me that you were losing your dreams, I was happy that you stayed and I didn’t lose you. And I was disgusted with myself for feeling that. I wish I’d known the truth. Even if not right away. Maybe I wouldn’t have carried all this guilt if I’d known it was a choice you’d made. Though, maybe it would’ve been worse because you never would’ve made the choice if it wasn’t for me.”
“Hey, don’t think like that. Riot, I know I lied to you, and it might make it hard for you to believe me, but I swear to you this was the best choice I’ve ever made in my life. Playing college football would’ve meant nothing without you. I’d choose you each and every time.”
Riot blinked back tears. “I’d choose you too. Even now, when I’m so fucking pissed. And I know our relationship isn’t normal, that we aren’t healthy best friends or whatever and that our marriage was for benefits, but there’s no one else I’d ever want by my side.” He smiled crookedly at me, which contradicted his puffy cheeks and bloodshot eyes. “Even if I kinda want to hit you right now.”
I laughed, the tension leaving my shoulders. “I only want you by my side too. However that looks. I’ll take whatever you give me.”
“C-can you take in the groceries and stay with the kids for a bit? I think I need to go to the studio, just to think about things. I’m not walking away,” he added quickly. “But this is a lot and I need a little time.”
I kissed the top of his head. “Of course, sweetheart. I can never apologize enough for hurting you.”
He smiled softly, a little heartbroken. “You don’t need to say you’re sorry anymore. I know you are. And I forgive you because I get why you did it and because I could never stay mad at you, but I need a little time. Can you give that to me?”
“Yeah, Ri. Whatever you need.”
He broke away from me then, stepping to the side so I could open the trunk and take the bags out. He was crying again, and I was afraid of him driving.
“Do you want Knox to take you?”
He shook his head. “No, his friend is here. I’m okay. Thanks.”
He got in the driver’s seat, and once I was safely away, he drove off, taking a piece of my heart with him.
Chapter 10
Koa
“Can you pass the salt?”Riot asked me, though he wasn’t really looking at me. His focus was somewhere off my shoulder because he hadn’t actually glanced my way since he’d found out the truth five days ago.
“Sure.” I handed it to him.
“Thanks.” He looked down at his plate.
On the surface, nothing had changed between us. We still slept in the same bed each night, still took care of the kids and worked our schedules like bosses. We still texted about what we wanted for dinner or if one of us was running late. Totally normal, everyday stuff.
But everything was different. We hadn’t cuddled in five days. Riot hadn’t shared one meme or ridiculous TikTok with me. He slept with his back to me, and when I woke up every morning, he wasn’t lying on top of me like a human weighted blanket. There were no casual touches, or kisses on the cheek, or any of the things I’ve grown to need like the air I breathe.
I’d tried to talk to him about it, but he’d told me he just needed time. And I got it. I did. I might have had the best of intentions, but I’d broken the biggest promise I’d ever made toRiot. To him, that meant everything. And even if he understood why I’d done it, of course he struggled to come to terms with it.
But, I felt like there was more to it that I was missing. For one, for as much as he wouldn’t meet my eyes when I was paying attention, I’d caught him staring at me with a strange expression on his face whenever he thought I wasn’t looking.
Dinner was strained, like it had been all fucking week. We were trying not to show the tension in front of the kids, but I could tell they knew something was up. They were all highly perceptive, especially the older ones. They’d had to be, growing up the way they had. Cruz had been extra quiet the last few days and had spent a lot more time in his room than usual. Even Knox had been treading carefully around us.
I wanted to fix it because neither of us wanted the kids to be wary of us, but I had no idea how to even start. I’d explained my reasons and apologized. The ball was in Riot’s court now.
“Okay. What is happening here?” Knox asked after a length of near silence. Even the twins had kept their bickering to a minimum.
“What do you mean?” Riot asked, sounding a little distracted.
