‘I’m probing way too much. I’m sorry …’
‘It’s okay, honestly.’ He looks at me then, and something seems to turn inside me. We are sitting in perfect silence. There’s not a sound; not a bird’s call or the whisper of wind through the trees. I take a breath, about to speak, when I realise how closely we’re sitting, shoulders touching.
And I start to tell him that I haven’t known how to be, with Frank, or Eddie. I haven’t been able to ask my son about the baby, or how he feels about impending fatherhood oranythingthat really matters. ‘My grandchild’s growing every second and I haven’t been able to talk about it.’ It comes out in a rush. ‘Oh, I have my friends of course. But I don’t want to go on about it, you know? And what isthere to say really?’And the person I really want to talk to has gone,I reflect.
‘It’s natural to want to help and be involved,’ Oliver says. ‘Y’know, Suki feels pushed away by Lyla sometimes. But she keeps clinging on. My sister’s not one to let go, as you might’ve gathered …’ He smiles knowingly and I laugh, feeling better already.
‘I’m not expecting to decorate the nursery or buy mobiles or be involved in discussions about names,’ I add.
‘Well, I think it’d be a very nice thing, to buy a mobile.’
I look around at his handsome face, lightly weathered and tanned, his blue eyes bright. ‘I will then,’ I announce. ‘I’m going to buy a mobile, before the baby’s even born!’ I stop then. ‘Is that bad luck? To buy a present before the baby’s arrived?’
‘Honestly, I have no idea …’ Oliver smiles. ‘I don’t think so—’ And then he stops, and I don’t know what happens – how things change or how it starts. Only that it does.
We look at each other and then we kiss, Oliver and I. My head spins and everything else fades from my mind: Frank, my family, my life at home. Dad and his quiz show. Worrying about my son or his future or any of that. We are just here, perched on a rock on the hillside, the mountains’ jagged peaks behind us and the iridescent blue of the sea below. I feel giddy and reckless as the kiss goes on and on. Then we stop and Oliver looks a little taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected that either.
‘Oh,’ is all I can say.
‘Oh,’ he repeats, smiling now. His is gaze is on mine and he pulls me in for a hug. I don’t feel guilty about the kiss,or even guilty about my lack of guilt. We just sit together in comfortable silence, gazing down to where the lush green of the island meets the glittering sea. And then, still without saying anything – because there’s no need – we get up and stroll, hand in hand, back along the winding path, down the hillside. The plan to stop off at the pub has been forgotten. Hours have spun by without us noticing.
As we climb into my car, I’m still a little stunned. What have I just done? I’ve kissed Oliver! We drive onto the ferry in silence and stand on deck as it carries us back to the mainland, and my home. And we talk about ordinary things as if nothing has happened. Oliver’s environmental projects and plan to settle in Perthshire, and my life as a librarian in a sleepy seaside town. It’s as if we are simply heading home after a day out.
As I pull up outside Kilmory Cottage, I ask Oliver if he’d like a coffee, or something to eat, before he heads to his hotel. I realise how much I want him to say yes.
‘That’d be nice,’ he says. ‘If you’re sure that’s okay?’
‘Of course it is,’ I say.
We step into the house. ‘Eddie? Lyla?’ I call out. They’re not downstairs, and Dad isn’t either. ‘Dad? Are you home?’ I check the back garden, then come back inside. I look at Oliver and frown. There’s a noise at the top of the stairs, and I go through to the hallway and see Eddie standing there.
‘Eddie, hi!’ His eyes are wide, his face gaunt. Can he possibly know what’s happened today? Do I look different somehow?
‘Mum—’ he starts.
‘Have you seen Granddad, love?’ I ask.
‘Gone out. Something about powders?’ he says distractedly. ‘At the chemist? Said he’s gone to have it out with them …’
‘Oh, God,’ I groan and turn to Oliver. ‘They keep including this laxative stuff with his prescription. Itenrageshim. He acts like it’s a personal affront—’
‘Mum!’ Eddie says, more forcefully this time.
‘What is it, love?’ I ask as Lyla appears beside him, looking shaken. And now I realise that something is wrong. Something is happening.
‘Carly?’ Lyla looks down at me, chalk pale. ‘I’ve had this thing. I’m sorry. It’s all on the bed, it’s a mess …’
‘What?’ I cry out.
‘This sort of …flood.I think my waters—’
‘We think Lyla’s waters have broken,’ Eddie announces.
Oliver and our kiss; it all disappears from my mind in a blink as I hurry upstairs towards them. ‘When did this happen?’
‘Just now.’ Eddie’s eyes are round with fear. ‘Literallyjust now, before you came in …’
‘Okay,’ I say, telling myself to stay calm. ‘Lyla, we need to get you to—’
