‘Well, I didn’t want any fuss.’ He chuckles.
I look at him and smile. We’re standing on the deck, the wind whipping across our faces, the sky a wash of sheer blue. ‘You sounded exactly like my dad there!’
‘It’s true though. But actually, I did have a nice day. I FaceTimed the boys. The three of us are having a week together in October, so …’
‘And d’you know where you’re going to settle?’ I ask. ‘You seem to be moving around a lot …’
‘It’s the nature of the job,’ he replies. ‘And if there’s no accommodation on site, then it’s usually a budget hotel. But yeah, I do need to find a permanent place. I’m thinkingsomewhere up north, but not too far. Somewhere close to Suki’s cabin, maybe. A little cottage.’
I nod, taking this in. ‘You wouldn’t mind being so remote?’ On your own, is what I mean.
‘I know people in the area,’ he says, ‘involved with the squirrel watch and the red kite feeding programme. There’s a lot going on out in the wilds, you know,’ he adds with a wry smile, and I smile back.
‘Sounds like it.’ An easy silence settles as the ferry approaches the island. Although the day is clear and bright, a wispy low cloud has now shrouded the jagged peaks. We’ve brought my car rather than Oliver’s Land Rover. It seems important to be the guide today, rather than a passenger. From our numerous family day trips I know the island well. So we start by driving to the village of Lochranza, with its ruined castle and sparkling bay, where we watch seals, speckled grey and almost indistinguishable from the rocks they’re basking on. Then we head inland, following winding lanes bordered by lush green fields.
We stop off at Brodick Castle, and as we stroll around the manicured grounds, I tell Oliver that my fiftieth birthday is approaching too. ‘So, are you planning anything?’ he asks.
I shake my head. ‘I’d thought about a little party at the house. But I don’t know. With Frank gone …’
‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘This must be really hard for you.’
I blow out air and look at him. ‘There are more important things coming up than my birthday,’ I say, although I know that’s not what he meant. ‘What d’you fancy doing next?’ I’m keen to veer away from the subject.
‘I’m up for anything. Any ideas?’
‘We could do a hike?’ I suggest. ‘If you’re feeling energetic?’
‘You don’t mean climbing Goat Fell, do you?’ He smiles and his eyes widen; clear and blue, catching the sun.
‘No, nothing as ambitious as that. But there’s a walk I know, and the perfect little pub halfway round.’
‘Sounds great,’ he says. And so we park close to the start of the footpath, and as we walk I feel it again: how easy he is to be with. And how, separated now from the mainland by water, I can almost pretend that my life is normal, and that nothing sad or worrying has happened at all. I’m just exploring Arran with a friend. Because Oliverisa friend now; something separate from my family, from the rest of my life.
We stop to admire the glorious sweep down to the shore. ‘You know this island really well, don’t you?’ he remarks.
‘Pretty well, yes. We brought the kids here all the time.’
His gaze skims the incredible view: sparkling blue water, dotted with a few sailing boats, and the ferry making its way to the mainland. With Kilmory Cottage so full of people and noise, the sense of calm openness here is blissful.
‘You mentioned your childhood was unconventional,’ I say. ‘That time at Suki’s cabin, remember?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Oliver nods.
‘I hope I’m not prying,’ I add. ‘I’m just curious—’
‘It’s more that Suki and I were pretty much free range,’ he says.
‘You mean your parents didn’t take care of you?’
‘Oh, they loved us,’ Oliver says. ‘But they were busy doing their own stuff. Away a lot on their travels, having adventures. We had horses and land and everything we wanted really, apart from anyone caring about what we got up to.’
‘That sounds …’ I hesitate. ‘Kind of sad.’
Oliver shrugs. ‘It was all we knew really. But yes, we did compare ourselves to our friends and it was obvious that in our family, things were different.’ That might explain why Suki wants everything picture-perfect, I reflect. The cabin covered in fairy lights. Lyla’s pregnancy being a wonderful thing, right from the start.
‘D’you think it affected you?’ I ask.
Oliver looks at me, seeming to turn this over in his mind. ‘I’d say me and Suki did everything we could to have incredibly settled and conventional family lives. I mean, we both wanted to keep our marriages together. But our partners had other ideas.’
