‘No, I could get the train,’ he says quickly. ‘I just thought it’d be nice for you to come.’ He’sdefinitelyworried about how I’m doing without his dad.
‘Where are you going now?’ my father asks, appearing in the doorway. As if I’m forever nipping off to places.
‘We’re just talking about a day in Edinburgh,’ I reply. ‘Would you like to come, Dad? We could do the castle, museum, all that?’ I turn to Eddie. ‘I’d like to see Suki. We could take her to lunch maybe? Not at that club—’
‘God, no. We’ll think of somewhere else. I’ll see what Lyla says.’ So I text Suki and we arrange a date, and when the day comes Dad announces that he’d rather stay home, ‘if that’s all right with everyone,’ he says. I look at him. It’s unlike him to be concerned about what anyone else might think.
‘Of course, Dad,’ I say. ‘Is everything okay? Are you feeling—’
‘I’m fine,’ he says quickly. ‘It’s just …’ We’re alone together in the kitchen. His gaze falls to his slippered feet. ‘I’m not really on my own very much these days,’ he adds. ‘I thought … you know. I actually wouldn’t mind staying here in an empty house.’
‘Anempty house.’ I make a mock-confused face, as if struggling with the concept.
He nods, and a glimmer of amusement crosses his mouth. Of course, Dad’s flat, a mere few miles along the coast, is empty. Back there, he could enjoy as much solitudeas his heart desires. But perhaps there’s a certain pleasure that can be found only in a home that’s temporarily empty. ‘Okay, Dad,’ I say. ‘If you’re certain.’
He assures me that he is, and then he adds, ‘So Frank’s not coming?’
I shake my head. ‘No, Dad.’
‘Hmm.’ I sense him scrutinising me. ‘How long’s he been gone now?’ I glance out at the back garden. On this glorious blue-skied Saturday the border is ablaze with colour.
‘Just over three weeks,’ I reply. In fact I know exactly, to the day. I could call him now. We’re still texting; it’s not as if we’re not in contact. He knows I don’t get every Saturday off, and that we have a rota. So a full weekend together always felt pretty special. And normally, there’s no way Frank wouldn’t join us on a family day out.
I look at Dad, realising that he wants to ask about Frank – and whether I’m okay. ‘And … are you all right?’ is the best he can do. But I appreciate his effort, because I know that concern doesn’t come easily to him.
First Eddie, and now my father, wondering how I’m feeling! It’s all very new and unexpected. Somehow, it’s taken Frank leaving for this to happen.
‘It’s really hard, Dad.’ I shrug.
He nods, seeming to process this. ‘You could ask him along today?’
I hesitate, wondering how to couch it, and deciding to just say it as it is. ‘D’you know what, Dad?’ He looks at me expectantly, and there’s a glimmer there in his sharp blue eyes that might – incredibly – be sympathy. ‘I don’twant to,’ I say, turning away so he can’t see my face. ‘I’m pretty sure he’d say no, and I don’t think I can stand the hurt.’
Chapter Forty-one
This time it’s not Suki who’s taken care of everything. It’s Lyla. As we near Edinburgh, she texts Eddie directions to our meeting point. And there she is, waving in the distance, just as she had in Suki’s private members’ club. Only now, under a brilliant blue sky in Princes Street Gardens, I’m not rigid with shock. I haven’t been led here under false pretences. My heart lifts at the sight of her; all smiles, pink cheeks and prominent bump.
‘Hey!’ She greets us with hugs, and then Suki approaches, and to my surprise, I realise her brother is here too. Oliver smiles a little awkwardly, perhaps feeling as if he’s a bit of an add-on to our day.
‘Hope you don’t mind me joining you,’ he starts.
‘Of course not.’ I smile, surprised by how happy I am to see him. There’s something about his calming presence that seems to balance Suki’s perpetual effervescence.
‘We’ve brought a picnic lunch,’ she announces as Oliver unpacks a blanket from his small rucksack.
‘Oh, thank you,’ I say. ‘What a lovely idea.’
‘Seemed too nice a day to be indoors,’ Oliver says.
‘We brought Portuguese custard tarts!’ Suki produces a white box from one of the numerous bags. She looks around quizzically. ‘No Frank today?’
‘Mum, Itoldyou,’ Lyla says quickly, frowning.
Suki looks crestfallen. ‘Oh, Iamsorry.’ Her blue eyes widen with concern as she turns to me. ‘I’m sorry, Carly. I didn’t want to mention it. From what Lyla said, I thought it was just a temporary wobble—’
‘Well, I’m not really sure.’ I’ve deliberately avoided mentioning it to her in my messages. It seemed selfish, somehow, to take the attention away from the baby.
‘I didn’t mean to put my foot in it,’ she murmurs.
