‘Eddie,’ I carried on, addressing the back of his head as he burrowed noisily among its contents, ‘this is important, love. I want to make sure you’re clear about things that really matter, okay? Things like condoms and safe sex—’
He leapt up, pulling out a Magnum ice cream but also dislodging an open packet of frozen peas, which tumbled out, sending little green bullets shooting all over the floor.
‘Eddie!’ I cried.
‘Sorry. Gotta go. Meeting Raj.’ He gave the scattered peas a cursory glance and legged it out of the house.
‘Frank,’ I say now, as I follow him downstairs, ‘are you saying this is my fault?’
‘Of course not. I meant—’
‘Why didn’tyoudo the contraception talk?’ We arefacing each other in the hallway now. ‘I asked you to, so many times—’
‘I was going to. I just didn’t get round to it.’
‘Were you planning on waiting until he was forty-five?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ He marches through the kitchen and storms out to our back garden that overlooks the sea. It’s dark already, and I stand there shivering at the door.
‘Please come back in, Frank.’
‘In a minute.’ He’s pacing around the lawn, back and forth.
‘You don’t have any shoes on. Just your socks …’
‘I’m fine!’ he snaps.
‘Can we stop being like this?’
He places a hand on his forehead and turns to me. ‘What’s he thinking, throwing away his life like this? The flat, the job, the new life in Edinburgh … he’s only getting started, Carly. After all this time. It’s fucking crazy.’
‘I know. It’s a disaster. But let’s not be like this—’
‘Like what?’ he exclaims. ‘What am I s’posed to be like?’ He marches towards me and barges back into the house.
I shut the door and reach for his hand. ‘I know it’s upsetting and shocking, Frank. Don’t you think I’m upset too? But being like this, it’s not helpful—’
‘I’m not trying to behelpful.’
‘No, well, that’s obvious!’ I let his hand drop and glare at him, this man I woke up with in Paris this morning, in our little white room, where we kissed and giggled that we should really get up, and there wasn’t time to do it. We still had to pack and check out and set off for the airport.
We had a quickie anyway, just like in the olden days,when we used to do it all the time. Afterwards, we hurried downstairs to the hotel’s front desk – a dishevelled middle-aged couple, giddily happy and flushed in the face. We were convinced the thin-lipped receptionist would know exactly what we’d just done.
We laughed and kissed in the street then, and strolled to the Metro station hand in hand. A fresh start, the holiday felt like. A thrilling new chapter for Frank and me.
And what is it, now we’re home again? I have no idea. What I do know is that right now, I’d rather kiss a goat.
Chapter Twelve
March
Eating, sleeping, going to work. In the ten days since Eddie’s shock announcement, Frank and I have been doing all the normal things. I’ve actually preferred being at Pilates to home, even though Wendy seems to be making the class harder, by stealth – and my corestillisn’t fully engaged. I’ve certainly been grateful for having a job to go to, because at the library I’m among friends. Whereas Frank and I have been going around in circles about the whole thing – and achieving nothing – Prish, Jamie and Marilyn have helped to distract me and lift me out of my gloom. And of course they’ve listened without judgement, and reassured me that everything will be okay.
‘Maybe they’ll make it work in their own way,’ Jamie offered one morning as he made our coffees.
‘I just don’t know. Eddie hardly gives me any information at the best of times.’
‘All you can do is be there if he needs you,’ Prish added, and I figured she was right.
