It was so hard to imagine a world that my aunt wasn’t in. We’d been close, I’d loved her more than anyone in the world. I didn’t know what I’d do without her now.
“I’m sorry, Ana.” He got up and sat back down next to me, on the edge of the bed. His hand reached for mine.
“I think I just want to be alone.”
“Okay.” He sighed, giving my hand a small squeeze. “Just let me know if you need...anything.”
I nodded and watched closely as he left, closing the door behind him. Immediately, I missed him. I didn’t want to be alone, I just didn’t want him to see me cry. I hadn’t ever let him see me break down yet, I didn’t want to change that now. I clutched at my chest, it hurt so bad. The tears began, only this time I cried not only for my aunt but also because of how lonely I suddenly felt.
All I wanted as I completely broke down, was to not be alone. I was tired of being alone. I just wanted Nikolai, to come back, to wrap me in his arms and tell me that it would all be okay.
Nikolai had gone to great lengths to tighten the security on the main house. I’d expected that, but he threw a wrench in the way of my plan by hiring Jack Henderson. That guy was good at his job, I’d give him that. Unfortunately, that wasn’t so good for me. But somehow, I’d find a way around it, around big man Jack.
I’d still managed to keep watch for most of the day, but nothing happened. I supposed that maybe it would take time for my plan to take full effect. I wasn’t patient though, if nothing happened soon I’d be more than eager to try my luck again.
I waited hours, sat there watching for hours. Nothing happened. An elderly man had entered and left all in the space of an hour but when it came to sightings of Anastasia, nothing.
Where was she? Was she even still in there? I had to wonder if maybe I was too late, maybe I’d missed something in the commotion.
As soon as Nikolai brought Anastasia home, I had been on edge. I was just waiting for something to happen, and I knew the shooting the other week was only the beginning. I’d started planning a way to get rid of her as soon as I’d heard about it. Not only was her presence putting Nikolai in danger, but she was also taking his attention away from his priorities.
She needed to go. For her sake, for Nikolai, for everyone. But if I was the only one seeing that clearly then so be it. I would do what had to be done.
For three full days, Anastasia hid. And I let her. I wouldn’t have dared go against her wishes right now. She was in such a fragile state that I had been scared to leave her alone, but that was another one of her wishes.
I wanted to hold her, to let her fall apart in my arms. As much as it broke my heart to see her in such a state, I was glad to make my presence known - for her to know that she wasn’t alone. I was there for her, and I wouldn’t be going anywhere. Unfortunately, her bedroom door had already been closing before I could reassure her of any of that.
There have been many times over the last few days that I’d had to physically drag myself away from her door. I’d wanted to bust in, to check on her. Again, she’d made pretty clear to Heather that she didn’t want any visitors, even me. I’d sulked about that but made it worth Heather’s while to keep a close eye on Anastasia, to give her whatever she wanted, and to report back to me.
The morning of the funeral was quiet. As per normal, I got up early and went for a run. By the time I got back, the sun was rising. The house was silent, except for Heather shuffling about the place - starting to make breakfast. I grabbed a cup of coffee before going upstairs to get ready. I had wanted to make sure that I was prepped and ready before Anastasia so that I could be fully at her disposal.
My ironed shirt and pressed pants hung in my closet. The same suit that I’d worn to my own parents funeral. I showered and dressed quickly before making my way back downstairs to the kitchen. I sat down to breakfast as I waited for Anastasia.
A sigh released from my lips as pain stabbed through me at the mere thought of her upstairs right now. She’d be starting to get ready soon. We had a car arriving in a couple hours, she had plenty of time, but I was eager to see her, to make sure she was still standing. After everything that she’d gone through, I didn’t know how she could be. She was so amazingly strong, she’d had to be her entire life.
I wished like hell that things could have been different. I hated that Anastasia had to go through this. I knew how close she was to her aunt, and I knew how horrible this day was going to be for her.
It sucked that all I could do was be a shoulder for her to cry on, a hand for her to hold. I wanted to do more, to be able to take the weight off of her shoulders. But if that’s all that I could do, I’d do it. Today, and for the rest of our lives, I’d be whatever she needed me to be.
I hadn’t wanted to wear the same dress that I’d worn to my father’s funeral. It didn’t seem right, Aunt Carol deserved something better. Something brighter. So I’d ordered a dress from an online store and had it delivered. I still hadn’t tried it on but the material had a little stretch and it was my size. I wasn’t worried about it fitting.
I looked at the dress where it was draped over the ottoman at the bottom of my bed. It was a scoop neck, A-line affair with three-quarter sleeves. The main color was black, obviously, but it had a pattern of blueish-purple forget-me-nots all over it. Despite everything, Aunt Carol had been some of the only brightness my childhood, and my adulthood had ever seen.
She had been like a mother to me. I would never forget her.
I’d let Nikolai handle most of the details of the service. I wanted to pick Aunt Carol’s plot though. I’d have chosen a quiet part of the cemetery, next to a big old tree that I knew she would have loved to read under. But I knew she would have wanted to be buried next to my father, so that’s what I told Nikolai.
Looking at the clock, I noticed that it was getting near to eleven in the morning. We were leaving at half past and I still wasn’t ready. I just couldn’t motivate myself to change. I had been sitting, shoulders slumped, on the side of the bed in my sweats since Heather had come in with my drink.
It was a strange feeling, being the last living member of a family. I was filled with an odd buzzing anxiety but also felt as numb as cotton wool. Whether that was the stress of the funeral, or something else entirely I guess I’d never know now.
I looked from the dress to the door of my en suite. I knew I needed to get up. I just…
“Ana?” Nikolai’s voice was quiet from the other side of the bedroom door. A soft knock followed.
“You can come in.” I sighed as I sat up a little straighter, then yawned as I stretched my back out, arms reaching up above my head. Nikolai was already dressed, of course. I felt a pang in my heart when I looked at him standing in the doorway. A pang I couldn’t quite identify under the weight of everything else I was feeling. “What’s up?”
His dark eyebrows rose slightly. “You’re not dressed,” he stated, looking from me to my dress and back again.
