It was where I saw Ellie for the first time. Our first date, first kiss, happened right by the lake. Then the summer before I left for college, it was where Ellie let me go.
I pull into the parking lot of Walmart, slam the car into park and practically jump out of the car. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, after all.
I haven’t even told mom yet, so realistically if I wanted to back out I easily could.
My visit back to Aurora, Illinois was not as innocent as I’d led everyone to believe. When momma broke her ankle, a fair few months ago now, I asked my boss if I could be transferred to an office closer to home. It was only a broken ankle but it scared me, because what if next time it’s not just a broken ankle. I wasn’t here to help her - to take care of her, I felt like the worst son.
A couple weeks ago when a position came up at Lisle, Illinois, I’d thought it was fate. Less than an hour away. But now, being here, I don’t know if I could cope with all the memories I have here.
The main ones are the reminders everywhere of Ellie. They hurt. It’s why I’ve spent the last eight years of my life living anywhere but here - I was happy to.
My breath rushes from my lungs. I use the car as support to keep my body upright.Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life?I could always ask to get transferred back. I could move to Lisle, that would definitely limit my time driving back and forth around here.
Damn it!I feel myself tearing, being pulled in so many different directions. I’m in so many minds about what to do. I love Ellie, I hate Ellie. I wanna be near her but I know that I need to stay away. I need to protect my heart from her because I know that she’s that only one that could so easily crush it, she’s done it once before. What’s to stop it from happening again?
I give myself a moment to clear all of my thoughts. It’s difficult but I do it, push everything aside and right myself. As I enter the store I come to the decision that I may need someone else’s opinion on this. I clearly can’t be trusted to figure out my life on my own.
