Holy fuck.Okay, what the hell was that?
I’m frozen in place - I probably look like a real idiot. But I find myself caught between wanting to run after her and wanting to return to my friends with my head held high.
What would I even say to her if I did catch up to her? I don’t know. All these years I thought the next time I saw her I wouldn’t have anything to say. The truth is I feel the opposite, there’s so much to say that I can’t seem to form a complete sentence.
One thing that is at the forefront of my mind; that was definitely not how that was supposed to go down. I haven’t seen Ellie, my high school sweetheart, in years. The day we broke up, the day she threw my heart away without glancing back, was most definitely the last time I’d seen her. I’ve spent all this time building up a scenario of how our first run-in would go, fretting over how I’d react in the moment. When she hadn’t even given me time to react.
She looked so sad, almost haunted - nothing like the girl I saw last night. I hate to admit how much it tears me apart to see her miserable. It’s wrong.
I’ve spent so much time being miserable, all because of her. It’s wrong for me to feel sorry for her, I shouldn’t feel anything for her. I should be over her and everything that happened between us all those years ago.
I rejoin my friends but I think even they can tell that my heart’s not here, and my mind certainly fucking isn’t. They both went AWOL as soon as Ellie ran out those doors.
I down the rest of my drink but don’t order another one, I don’t think I could compel myself to stay even if I did want to.
“So…?” After a beat of silence, I look up. Simon’s looking at me expectantly, clearly that question had been aimed at me.
I rub a hand over my face hoping it will somehow, magically clear my head. I turn my attention solely to Simon, determined to hear him this time. “I’m sorry, what?” I question him.
He laughs, “I said, you’ll be here Friday night, right?”
“Oh, yeah. I don’t know how long I’m here for yet, but it will be until Monday at the earliest,” I tell him.
“Well, then you’ll have to come along to the bachelor party. It’s gonna be an epic night. Gotta do it right, send our groom off in style.” Davey claps Simon on the shoulder. I pretend not to see the way Simon’s face tints pink. It makes me wonder what they’re doing to ‘send him off in style’. Whatever it is, I highly suspect that’s why Simon’s anxious. Hell, knowing Davey as well as I do, I’d be anxious too. The guy is a total wild card.
Davey continues ribbing Simon about his upcoming nuptials. I wrap it up with the guys fairly soon after that, that run-in with El still plays on my mind. I know she won’t be coming back anytime soon but I’m rocked to my very core. The guys only let me leave after I finally agree to come out on Friday for Simon’s bachelor party. It’ll be horrible and will definitely include strippers of some sort, if for no one else’s pleasure other than Davey’s. But that’s okay, he can have my share.
Outside the bar, I head to my car. I drove it here all the way from New Haven which is why when I look at my nice new car it’s covered in shit. My Challenger is barely recognizable. I jump in and make the short drive over to momma’s house.
When the two-story ranch type house comes into view it’s like breathing in fresh air. This house was home to me for so long that it’s like seeing an old relative. I‘ve been in town a few days now but the effects still haven’t worn off yet.
“Momma?” I call, my voice ringing throughout the house louder than I had intended.
“In here.”
I follow the sound of her voice to the kitchen. “Hey, momma.” I plant a kiss to her cheek before quickly moving out of her way. Her brown hair is tied up in a bun, she’s armed with an apron and a whisk - she’s clearly busy.
“What’s all this?” I lift the lid on a pot that’s on the stove. Peeking inside, I see shredded leaves of purple cabbage. I quickly replace the lid to shield it from my drooling. “It smells amazing.”
“What are you talking about? I’m just preparing dinner,” she simply says. I send a confused look to her back.
Did I miss half the day?My eyes flicker up to the clock hanging on the wall. Nope, it’s still only two o’clock. Someone’s eager for dinner.
“You feeling okay mom?”
“Of course, why do you ask?” She smiles sweetly as if this is all completely normal. Has she not noticed the state of the kitchen? It’s a fuckin’ mess. The benchtops are so completely filled that I have trouble remembering what color they were. And she must have every kitchen appliance she owns, out and on the go.
“No reason. It is just you and me for dinner tonight, isn’t it?”
“Why yes, who else do you think I’d be inviting? Is there someone you wanted to bring along? I’m sure there’s enough, I can always make more though.”
“NO.” I wince immediately at how loud I say it. “Sorry. I mean, this will be more than enough. I’m going to head back out, is there anything you needed?”
“Oh, yes! Could you please pick me up some more butter? The half a dish I have in the fridge won’t last long once I get into it,” she says.
“Sure, momma. I’ll be back soon.” I pick up my keys and wallet from the entry table before making my way to the car.
I’m almost to the grocery store when I spot it. The park. The amount of memories I have of that place almost can’t be contained inside of me. Momma used to take me there as a child, she’d push me on the swings until the sun went down. Then in middle school, Davey and I used to play soccer on the field on Saturdays.
