“I’m actually on vacation at the minute. Mom keeps saying that I need to visit more often.” He shrugs his shoulders with a wistful smile on his face.
Or at all.As far as I know, this is the first time he’s come back to little old Aurora. Once he left for Princeton he’s never looked back.
My god, he looks good though. He’s always been gorgeous but it’s definitely more of a rugged gorgeousness now. He’s taller, he’s got a hint of a five o’clock shadow, and his shoulders seem broader - like way more sculpted than before. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever really understood that saying ‘you’ve grown into yourself’.
The pain and regret over breaking up with him never really went away, even after all these years. But in the end, it had been my decision and that means I’m not allowed to be sour about the love of my life moving on with his life.
“It’s been so long… I’m glad I got the chance to run into you.” I smile as widely as I can without pulling a facial muscle. I take a step back needing to retreat, “Maybe I’ll see you around.”
God, I hope not.
I don’t hang around any longer, I physically can’t. At any moment, I’m going to burn up in flames, or burst out crying. And not the pretty crying where you shed a tear or two. The loud, sobbing, my-mouth-won’t-close type of crying.
I don’t even make it out the door of the bar when I start to feel my eyes misting up. I quickly swipe at my eyes and rush to my car. The weather is surprisingly warm, any other day I’d be out with my friends soaking up the sun and all its warmth. I usually welcome the warm weather, it’s like a big comforting hug, but today is unlike any other day. The weather feels like it’s against me, the heat suffocating me and constricting my dry throat.
Stop being a baby!I feel like slapping myself for letting my emotions take a hold of me. Running into Michael like that was not how I’d thought my day would go. It was a major shock to the system but I’m sure that in a few days I’ll be as right as rain. I trick myself into believing that, just for now. I need to get home; only there will I be allowed to properly wallow in self-pity.
Michael had been a big part of my life once upon a time, and letting him go was the second hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But, more than anything I know it was the right thing to do.
When I get home, I grab the tub of Ben & Jerry’s that I have stashed in the freezer, for emergencies only, then I lock myself in my bedroom. I blast the television so that Evan won’t be able to hear me, change my clothes and then do what I always do when I get a bit sentimental. I pull out my high school photo album.
It’s not really a high school photo album, the only photos in it are of Michael and me - we just happened to be in high school at the time. But it’s the only memento I let myself keep from that relationship.
I flip through the pages, I’m only torturing myself but I like the ache that throbs in my chest. That ache makes me feel alive, it reminds me that what I felt wasn’t all in my head. A very real pain for a very real love that I’d once felt.
