hawk
Kendra’s facewas flushed when we arrived back at the cabin. She had loved snowmobiling so much that she’d forced me to return so she could ride her own machine.
The cabin had everything we needed, but it was more of a guy’s getaway than a place most women would want to visit. Rustic, but cozy. But we needed this time together. If not to prepare for the months ahead, but to settle whatever had happened in the shower. We hadn’t talked about it, and I noticed her steering the conversation away from anything serious at every possible point.
“How many more secret getaways do you have?”
“This is the only one that is just mine, but our family shares the house in Florida, and we have a place on the Cape. Where would you have a place if you were to pick?”
“I’m not sure. Our family had a small travel budget when we were growing up. I don’t know much outside of New England. I would want to see more of the world before I found something I loved enough to visit more than once.”
“We can put together a bucket list for the off-season.”
Kendra lifted her eyebrows and gave a quizzical look. “Are you sure you’re going to still want me around next year?”
“Without a doubt.” Next season and beyond. This woman had wormed her way into my heart at a time when dating was the last thing I wanted. And now I couldn’t see myself doing this without her.
She left her winter clothes by the door and walked to the fireplace. The fire had just started to burn hot, and she was using it to warm her hands. “I needed this; thank you.”
“I think we both needed this.” Approaching her from behind, I wrapped her up in my arms. She leaned into me on reflex, erasing all doubts that she might have been avoiding me. “You’ve been a little distant.”
“I know. God, J, I’m sorry. I can’t always put my feelings into words. The last thing I want is for you to think you’re to blame.”
“That only makes you human.”
“Not really. It makes me closed off, distant. I don’t want to be like that.” She burroughed into me as she spoke. While I understood what she was saying, it still broke my heart for her. She carried the weight as the firstborn and then carried guilt from the mistakes she made with her sisters.
Turning her to face me, I cupped her jaw. “You hate when people call you strong, and I figured out why. It’s because you shouldn’tneedto be strong all the time. With me, you don’t need to be. You can just be.”
She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine in a soft kiss, not lingering long. “I love you.”
It wasn’t the first time she declared she loved me, but it felt different, more settled and less frantic.
“I love you, too.”
She pressed her lips back to mine, and right before I thought she would deepen the kiss, she pulled away. “Is that a bearskin rug?”
“It is.” My answer was tinged with amusement.
“I’ve always thought it would be pretty cool to fuck on a bearskin rug in front of a fire.”
“That’s a very specific fantasy.”
Her eyes flashed with amusement. “Oh, I have an entire bank of those fantasies.”
“Ok, Ken. Take your fucking clothes off while I go get my camera.”
And just like that, the script flipped from serious to light and fun.
FORTY-THREE
kendra
How didhe always know when I needed a break from the heavy shit? I never planned to bare my soul to this man, but he peeled away every bit of resistance that would normally be a layer of protection.
“Is that a new camera?”
“Uh-huh. My phone camera was all right, but I figured we might get better photographs with this.”
