The only other time I felt such crippling pain was whenMormordied. But Callan isn’t dead. He’s shacked up with my ex-best friend, slotting her into the role I believed was mine.
I can’t make any sense of it.
Paige holds me together as best she can over the weekend. After Renee shows up, I sob in her arms for hours. No one can believe it. Everyone thinks Gwen is blackmailing Callan. Doing this for the lifestyle and the money. That she’s trapped him with a baby to ensure she gets what she wants. It’s plausible, and a seed of hope blooms inside me.
Drying my eyes, I resolve to speak to him when she’s not around. If she’s manipulated him somehow, he’ll tell me when we have privacy. So, I call him repeatedly, leaving teary messages and begging him to call me when he’s alone to tell me what she’s done. When he blocks my number, I stare at my phone in a daze. Considering it might be Gwen, I call the club, and one of the players answers instead of Callan, telling me gently to move on and not to call him again. Callan blocks me on social media after I try messaging him there, and my emails bounce back too.
If Gwen had put him up to this, he’d want to speak to me and set me straight. Even if she’s holding something over him to stop him from telling the truth, he’d find a way to get around it if he loved me. He wouldn’t be restricting my access to him like he has.
Which means it’s not a trap.
Gwen isn’t forcing him to do anything.
He had sex with her, got her pregnant, and now he’s going to play happy family with her instead of me.
I’m exhausted from crying and lack of sleep, but there’s still a teeny part of me that refuses to believe Callan would do this to me.
Until two things happen.
One, Thor speaks to him, and he categorically denies Gwen is forcing him, saying they fucked one night after getting drunk, and they’ve been inseparable ever since. He feels bad for me, but he’s going to be a father, and Gwen and the baby are his priority now.
And two,he told his parents. Roni told my mom that Callan and Gwen are together and expecting a baby. It doesn’t get any more real than that.
That night, I box up everything Callan gave me. Slipping his promise ring off my finger induces a fresh bout of sobbing, as does removing the Claddagh necklace I haven’t taken off since he gave it to me for Christmas.
“I’m really worried about you,” Mom says on the phone on Monday morning as I’m getting ready to go take my first exam. It’s just as well I studied in advance. If I were relying on last-minute cramming, I’d be screwed. As it is, I’m tired, emotionally overwrought, and clinging to my sanity by my fingernails. There’s a constant hollow ache in the pit of my stomach, and it feels like I’m dragging my body around.
I can’t eat.
Can’t sleep.
Can’t think about anything but the way my boyfriend and best friend betrayed me.
I’m still struggling to accept it.
For now, I’ve locked up the anguish and all the associated emotions, shoving them aside to deal with once I get through my exams.
“Don’t be. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. No one would be.”
“I can’t do this now, Mom. I need to numb myself to all of it. I have worked too hard this year to fuck up my exams. They’re not taking this from me too.” A sob cracks through my veneer, and a familiar pain rips through me, shredding my insides to pieces.
“I want to kill them for hurting you like this.”
“Mom. Please. I need to go.”
“Please text or call later, and if you need me, just say the word, and I’ll be there.”
When I trudge back to my dorm later that day, after hopefully passing my exams, Mom is waiting for me. The instant I see her, I burst out crying. “It hurts, Mom. It hurts so much,” I sob, clinging to her shirt.
“I know, sweetie. Just let it all out.”
I thought I had cried myself dry by now, but it seems not. “How could they do this to me? How could Callan knock her up? I thought he didn’t like her, but it was all a ruse to hide their affair. Everything he said was a lie, and I fell for it.” I cling to her as wracking sobs seize my body. “Every promise he made me was empty, and I’m the biggest fool. Gwen planned to seduce him ages ago. I see it all now. Instead of opening my eyes and seeing what she was doing, I defended her and handed him to her on a silver platter like a fucking idiot.”
I had to beg Callan, on a regular basis, to let her stay in the apartment while she was house-hunting, feeling so guilty that I was forcing it on him when he barely tolerated her. He was so fucking convincing. Then again, am I surprised? He was amazing at pretending when we were fake-dating. He’s clearly a great actor to have pulled the wool over my eyes so thoroughly.
I hate how fucking weak and pathetic I was. How easily I fell for the lies. I can barely stomach looking at myself in the mirror knowing I did this to myself. I enabled it to happen, and I couldn’t hate myself more. I slam my palms into my brow. “I’m so naïve. They played me for God knows how long, and I fellfor it.” A fresh wave of tears batters me from side to side, and I hiccup through my tears. Lying down on my side on the bed, I just want to die.
