“You don’t do anything to make me feel like this, but sometimes I can’t help feeling like I’m constantly in his shadow.”
“You’re not, Dil. You’re your own person, and I seeyou.” Her lips open and close, and I will her to say it because right now I’m selfish enough to need those three little words. But she trapsthem inside, the same way I do. A few seconds later, she climbs off my lap. “I have something for you. Stay here.”
I lean my head back as she runs off to the bedroom, contemplating how it’s possible to feel both elated and deflated at the same time.
“I made something for you,” she says, materializing in front of me. Her hands are clasped behind her back as she chews on the corner of her lip in a nervous tell.
“Okay.”
“I wanted you to have a special notebook for writing your songs.” She hands me a thick book with a crushed red and black velvet handmade cover. Our logo—the one Ash designed with the skull and serpent—is embedded in the front, and my name is etched on it too.
I’m speechless.
My heart is hammering inside my chest, swelling and swelling with so much emotion.
“It’s a songwriting journal.” Viv wipes her hands down the front of her leggings. “I got it in a store on Exchequer Street, and then I made the cover myself. If you don’t like it, I?—”
I jump up, grab her into my arms, and crush my lips to hers, pouring everything I’m feeling into my kiss. Viv clings to me, and my heart is pounding so loud it’s a miracle she doesn’t hear it. “I love it,” I pant when we finally break apart. “I love it so much. I can’t believe you made this for me.”
“Really?” Hope blazes in her eyes as she fists a hand in my shirt.
“Yeah, Hollywood. It’s the best present anyone’s ever given me. It’s right up there with the special edition Stratocaster I told you about.”
“Well, it’s not a limited-edition guitar but I’m glad you like it.”
I lift her up, and her legs automatically wind around my back. “I don’t have words to describe how much I love it, but perhaps I can show you,” I promise, leading her into the bedroom where I spend the rest of the night trying to convey everything it means to me.
38
AGE 20
“Nervous?” Jay asks, trying—and failing—to smother a grin.
“I’m shitting bricks, mate.” Wiping my clammy hands down the side of my black suit trousers, I will my racing heart to calm down. If I don’t get it together, I’m liable to forget the lyrics to my own bleeding song.
“She’ll love it, Dil. She’s been wearing heart eyes all day.” Jamie chuckles. “Ash was crying in the church. What is it with women and weddings?”
“You’ve got to admit it’s been emotional.” Shane and I have had our ups and downs, but watching him marry the love of his life with their daughter a big part of the day has tugged at my heartstrings. Then Ciarán’s speech had us all cracking up and welling up in equal measure. Ma has been beaming like a proud mother hen all day. It’s been a great day, and now the party’s in full swing in the large ballroom of the County Wexford hotel.
The band Shane and Fiona hired for the night announce they’re taking a short break, and it’s our turn to play a few numbers. We’ve been rehearsing our new song for weeks, andwe’ve nailed it, so I hope I don’t fuck it up. I’ve never been so nervous getting up on a stage.
Shane introduces us, and we start off with a crowd-pleasing tune from Coldplay before moving on to one from The Script and then a couple of other well-known songs. The crowd are loving it, and most every guest is up dancing.
My eyes have been laser focused on Vivien the entire time we’ve been up here. She’s a vision in a gorgeous purple strapless dress that accentuates her figure beautifully. Pride fills my veins seeing her wear the Claddagh necklace I bought her for her birthday, and she’s wearing understated diamond stud earrings and a row of silver bangles on one wrist. Everyone has been complimenting her on the bridesmaid dresses, and I love seeing her receive the acknowledgment she deserves.
Viv is very talented, and she whipped the dresses up in no time. She refused to take any money from my brother or his fiancée, insisting they were a wedding present, even though she chipped in with me to buy them a set of Waterford Crystal wineglasses. She’s as generous with her time as she is with her money, and all day I’ve been overcome with emotion any time I look at her.
Having her share today with me is super special. I’ve loved having her by my side.
Fiona included Viv in their morning hair and makeup session, and she looks sensational. Keeping my hands off her has been an exercise in self-control, though we did sneak a quickie in when we were checking into our room. My eyes gravitate to hers again as we bring our current song to an end.
Waves of glossy dark hair hang down her back, and the front part of her hair is braided like a hair band. Her makeup isn’t caked on like some of the female guests, Viv having favored a more natural look that emphasizes her stunning looks.
She’s been smiling nonstop today, and it’s carried over to the dance floor as she laughs and dances with Ash, Fiona, Susie, Cat, and little Chloe. My niece looks adorable today in the dress Vivien made for her, and she’s clearly a fan, following my girl around any chance she gets.
The song ends, and I clear my throat, gripping the mic as my eyes land on Vivien. Ash has moved them up to the front because she knows what’s coming next. “This next song is one of our own. It’s called “Terrify Me,” and I wrote it for, and about, my girl.” Oohs and ahhs ring out around the room as I watch Vivien’s eyes pop wide. “This is for you, Vivien.” Drawing a brave breath, I strum my fingers along my guitar and open my mouth to sing. As I perform the song in public for the first time, my gaze never leaves my girl, and I pour my heart and soul into every word.
The crowd goes insane when we finish, and we jump down off the stage to shouts of congratulations and multiple back slaps. But I have singular vision, and I don’t take my eyes off my girl until I’m in front of her, gently pulling her out of Ash’s arms and into mine. “Hey, Hollywood.” I hope she doesn’t notice how badly I’m shaking.
