“I want to murder every man who looks at you,” I admit. “Sometimes, I even want to throttle my own brother.” For themost part, Ro has gotten over Viv. But on odd occasions, I see his look lingering, and I don’t like it.
“Don’t hate on Ro. He doesn’t want me like that anymore.”
The jury is out on that one, but I’m not arguing with her over my little brother.
With the tip of her finger, she traces circles on my chest, following the ink patterned on my skin. “Has sex always been like this for you?” Vulnerability is back on her face as her eyes lift to mine.
“No.” I shake my head as I give her another truth. “Before you, sex was always about an instant release and nothing more. It was fleeting and never memorable.”
“How many girls have you been with?” she blurts.
“I haven’t kept count, and I’m not sure you really want to know.”
She looks away, and in this moment, I hate I’ve been such a hound. “Hey.” I tilt her chin up with my finger. “None of them meant anything. You mean everything.”
“Sometimes, I don’t understand how I can keep you satisfied when I’m much less experienced than those other girls.”
“Vivien.” I sit up against the arm of the sofa, pulling her with me. I reposition her so I’m cradling her in my arms. “You satisfy me completely, and no one compares to you. No one.” I drill her with a sharp look, hoping to embed that truth deep. “Where is this coming from?”
She shrugs, resting her head in the crook of my neck. “Don’t mind me. I’m due for my period, and I get a bit mopey.”
I make a mental note to check we have Nurofen and Epsom salts. Vivien suffers badly with her periods, way worse than my sister during her time of the month. I hate to see her in pain and want to do whatever I can to help.
“Can I ask you something?” I rub a hand up and down her arm.
“Of course.” She plants a featherlight kiss to the underside of my jaw, and I shiver all over.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I was wondering if you’ve had sex with anyone else besides me and your ex.” I must be a glutton for punishment because why the fuck would I open up this conversation?
“No,” she quietly replies. “I’ve only been intimate with both of you.”
I swallow thickly over the lump in my throat, not wanting to ask this question but needing to at the same time. “Was it like this with him too?”
Tense silence bleeds into the air, and I instantly regret asking it.
“No,” she whispers after a few silent beats. “It wasn’t like this. It was different. Special in a different way.”
“Oh.” My stomach drops to my toes.
“Dillon.” She lifts her head and clasps my face. “What we have is purely ours. I’ve never had this with him, but don’t ask me to compare my relationships. Each was different.” She peers deep into my eyes. “I’m not going to lie and say my past didn’t mean anything. Reeve was a huge part of my life, and he took a lot of my firsts. As much as he hurt me, I won’t trash the good memories or rewrite history, but you have nothing to feel jealous about because I’m withyou. I’m crazy aboutyou, Dil. I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever felt this alive or this happy, and a lot of that is down to you.”
I shouldn’t feel such crushing disappointment. Of course, I can’t erase her memories of him, and a few months with me isn’t comparable to the years she spent with him, but I guess there was a part of me that hoped I meant more.
It’s stupid, and I brought this on myself by asking the question in the first place.
“You’re upset.” Emotion pools in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” I clear my throat and force a smile. “I know I can’t compare with all you shared with him. A few months is a blip compared to years with someone.”
She vigorously shakes her head. “No, Dil. Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss what we have because it means the world to me.” She kisses me softly. “You mean so much to me. You’ve spoken about the intensity of our connection and how it scares you, and honestly, I feel that too because it’s intense in a way I have never experienced. And whether it’s months or years, it doesn’t matter.” She puts her hand over her heart. “I know what I feel in here, and it’s deep and true. If anything, what we have means more because our connection has been powerful from the instant we met, and it’s only strengthening the more time we spend together.”
The air charges with unspoken words, and it’s not the first time lately we’ve found ourselves in this place.
“In case you haven’t noticed, we basically live together, and I never had that with him.” She caresses my face, and the look on her face is nothing short of absolute love.Can I dare to dream it’s true?We’re both holding our cards close to our chests, for obvious reasons. “You can’t compare them because they’re not comparable.”
“I’m sorry if I ruined the mood.”
Her fingers thread through my hair, and a deep sense of contentment settles in my chest. I love her fingers in my hair and the way she massages my scalp. “Never be sorry for speaking your mind and sharing your feelings, and you didn’t.”
