I like Dave. We all do. And I trust him not to feed us crap. He’s our liaison with the label, and we’ll continue to work closely with him while signed with Capitol Records. His career hangs in the balance if things go wrong, so I’m inclined to listen to him more than any of the others.
“We’re on your side, Aisling,” the VP says, pronouncing my sister’s name all wrong, which pisses me off because Ash has told them repeatedly how to say it. “We have a vested interest in ensuring the band succeeds. We think they’re one of the most exciting alternative rock bands to emerge in the last decade.Every facet of their brand needs to be nailed down tight before we launch, and I’m telling you now they need a different name.”
Jay sits up straighter, leveling a look at the older woman Darth Vadar would be proud of. I smirk as I let him handle her. “It’s not Aze-ling, it’s Ash-ling.”
“My apologies. I mean no offense.”
“None taken.” Ash warns Jay to pipe down with a subtle thigh squeeze under the table before swinging her gaze our way. “It’s your call.”
“I’m not attached to the name,” Con says, gripping the arms of his chair tight. He’s gone hours without a toke, and he’s even more keen than me to leave.
“I like our name, and I hate having to let it go, but we’d be foolish to ignore the advice of the experts,” Jay confirms.
“Plenty of bands have changed their name. I’m fine to go with something else,” Ro supplies.
“Then it’s decided,” I say, not bothering to offer my view. It’s pointless when there’s already a majority.
“Good.” The older woman looks relieved. “The team and I have come up with a list of suggestions,” she adds, flicking a button on the fob in her hand, and a new page is projected on the wall-mounted screen. “You can, of course, suggest your own, but we need to agree on a name fast. Otherwise, it will hold up everything.”
We debate the names at length, and none of us can agree on them. While a few are decent, none are quite right. The meeting is just about to break up—with the agreement we can take forty-eight hours to come up with our own suggestions—when it comes to me, birthed straight from my soul.
“Collateral Damage,” I say, my loud voice booming around the room.
There’s a pregnant pause as everyone stops, giving it consideration.
“It has negative connotations too,” the pompous marketing dick says.
“Not in the same way,” the VP argues as a lazy smile crawls over her face. “Toxic is poison, and that combined with the arrogance of Gods is too much, but Collateral Damage conveys power and influence. It’s the unexpected reaction to the action. It carries gravitas.” She positively beams at me. “I love it. It’s perfect.”
Well, okay then.
We discuss it a little longer before taking a vote.
And that is how Collateral Damage emerges from the ashes of Toxic Gods.
As I walk out of the meeting, I can’t help laughing at the irony.
All along, I thought Vivien would be collateral damage. I never imagined it’d be me.
49
AGE 21
Mid-March heralds the start of a four-month promotional onslaught to build hype for the band and our first release. Which everyone has agreed should be “Terrify Me.” I wonder what Vivien would think if she knew how entwined she still is with the band. I’d love to be a fly on the wall when our song is released and she realizes it’s the song I wrote for her. I wonder if she’s toldhimwho we are. Probably not, considering we didn’t seem to mean that much to her after all if she could ghost us like this.
It helps that we’re crazy busy during this time because there’s little time to contemplate my heartache. It’s a whirlwind of activity. Posing for photos for the album cover and magazine articles. Attending PR training and being coached on what to say and what not to say. Being interviewed by various reporters, including key players atRolling StoneandNME. Appearing on radio and TV. Meeting with stylists to discuss and agree on our look. Filming the music video. Back in the studio, tweaking a few things. Working with marketing and PR on merchandise, video content for socials, and doing a few TikTok lives with key bloggers and influencers.
In the month before release, to further build buzz, we perform at ten small iconic venues in key states around the US, traveling on the label’s private jet. It’s definitely another pinch-me moment.
The marketing and PR teams have been working overtime organizing ongoing promotion and our calendar is full to the end of the year. An official band bio and press release goes out. Music journalists and influencers are loving our Irish roots and the story of how the band came together. Official social media accounts have been set up for the band, and we’re gaining thousands and thousands of new followers every day, boosted by teaser clips of the song and background videos introducing us collectively and individually.
By the time “Terrify Me” officially releases, the anticipation is high, and the buzz is explosive. Radio airplay is insane from the second the song is published because the label has paid big bucks to have it played at the top of every hour to ensure our debut has strong mainstream coverage. Reaping the rewards of all our online marketing efforts, we instantly shoot to the top of all the digital streaming sites. Not long after, the Billboard Hot 100 reveals we’re the number one bestselling song, and that day is the best day of my life.
Until it becomes the worst.
When Dave calls to break the good news, my immediate thought is I need to tell Viv. She helped to set us on this path, and not getting to share this journey with her guts me. Especially today of all days. Sadness threatens to suffocate me as my finger hovers over her number on my phone, but I put it away and force the melancholy aside. She made her choice. I don’t get to share the highs and lows with her because she’s no longer mine. The usual pain slams into me, but I work hard to stamp it out. I won’t let today be overshadowed by my grief. It’s been eleven months since I’ve seen her. It’s high time I started letting go.
We spend the day doing interviews, and it’s our first time properly understanding the enormity of our achievement as we are mobbed by screaming fans everywhere we go. Frankie swings into action, liaising with the label to provide a security detail, which is sorely needed after we get physically mauled leaving the Universal Studios lot where we were the top guests on a popular daytime show.
