“It isn’t a competition. I have never seen you like that.” He drags a hand through his hair, tossing messy strands over his brow.
His refusal to see the truth only proves how much he has been hiding behind this illusion he created in his mind. “Because you’re lying to yourself. You know I’ll never take a back seat to any other woman. It’s all or nothing for me. Face up to your past, Drew. Do it for yourself because you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You’re Arlo’s dad, and I want you in his life, but you must get your shit together first. Prove you are the man I know you can be, and then come and fight for me. Until then, you can fuck right off, and I have nothing else to say to you.”
I turn around and walk off as Drew calls after me, begging me to stay. I almost face-plant into Abby when I exit the door into the hallway. “Don’t ask me to stay,” I snap as I walk around her and head toward my bedroom. “There is much I’m prepared to do for your brother, but being his punching bag isn’t it.”
Her eyes jump to the obvious marks on my neck as I stride into my bedroom and pull my two bags out from under the bed.
“Please don’t leave,” Drew says, materializing in the doorway.
“I can’t stay here.” I don’t look at him as I walk into the closet and start yanking clothes from the rail.
“I’m sorry for everything,” he says, leaning against the wall at the entrance to my closet. “You are right. I’m a coward, and I’m pushing you away instead of facing my feelings and confronting my fears. They’re deeply entrenched, and it’s my go-to default setting.”
“I’m glad you’re admitting it,” I say, pushing past him into the bedroom. “But you don’t get to spout pretty words and everything is magically okay.” I throw my clothes into the first bag. “You need therapy, Drew, lots and lots of it.” I stuff the clothes in haphazardly and tug the zipper closed. I straighten up and look at him. “I don’t mean that facetiously. I have no issue with the man you are. I love all your strengths and flaws, but you don’t, and that’s part of the problem.” I hold his beautiful face in my hands. “You need to let go of the guilt and let go of Jane. You need to process all those pent-up emotions. I can’t do the heavy lifting for you. You’ve got to do it alone.”
His eyes shine with remorse as his hands land on my waist. “I’m so sorry for leaving you like that. For not taking care of you.” He presses his mouth to my ear. “I didn’t use a condom, but?—”
“I’m on the pill, and we’re both clean.” The club requires every member to submit monthly test results.
“Let me look after you now,” he pleads. “I’ll run you a bath and get you something to eat and?—”
“Stop. Don’t do this. Please.” Hurt splinters through my words.
He looks deep into my eyes. “I love you. That’s what I should have said.” His brow presses to mine. “I love you, Athena. Please be with me. Please don’t leave. I promise I’ll do better.”
His vulnerability almost cracks through my defenses. He is opening himself up and bleeding for me now. It’s a good start, but it doesn’t change things, and until he comes to terms with his emotions, he can’t say he loves me for sure, and I can’t afford to take it at face value. “I wish I could believe that, but you don’t know your own mind, and you said it yourself. This is your default mechanism.” I ease back, still holding his face, lettingmyvulnerability show because I’m done holding back. “I want to be with you more than anything, but until you’ve dealt with your past, there isn’t a future for us. And as much as I want to be selfish, I can’t. Arlo is the priority, Drew. Focus on him, not me.”
“I can focus on both of you, and we’ll be a better support to him as a team.”
“We can support him together without being together like that,” I say, easing out of his hold.
He follows me back into the closet. “Please, sweetheart. Don’t do this.”
“We need time and space, Drew, and I genuinely think this is for the best.”
He doesn’t say anything else, standing by his sister in the door of the bedroom as I move between the closet and en suite bathroom gathering my things. When I’m all done, he takes my bags and walks off as I take one final look around, ensuring I’ve got everything.
Abby is uncharacteristically quiet as we walk out to my car. Drew pops the trunk and stows my bags before turning to face me. When he pulls me into his arms, I don’t protest, hugging him close while wishing it didn’t have to be like this even if I know I’m doing the right thing for everyone. “Please be careful,” he says. “I know you’re capable and strong, but if anything happens or you need me for anything, please call me.”
“I will.” I offer him a sad smile as I shuck out of his embrace.
“I’ll call you later,” Abby says, hugging me quickly. “Drive safe.”
ChapterThirty-Nine
Drew
“You can say I told you so,” I say to my sister the following morning as I join her at the island unit. Abby stayed here last night, but we didn’t talk because I was emotionally drained after Athena left and in no state to discuss anything. I set a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of her. “I deserve it.”
“You’re hurting, and that would be an asshole thing to say.”
A wry smile pulls at my lips. “It wouldn’t be the first time you indulged in some tough love.”
“Seems like Athena delivered plenty of that.” Abby picks up her silverware. “I’m not sure it’s wise to pick more flesh from your carcass.”
“How much did you hear?”
“Most of it,” she admits before scooping up a forkful of creamy scrambled eggs.
