He knocks back his drink and grips the arms of his chair.
“Here’s what everyone else has been afraid to tell you. What you had with Jane was fucking fantasy land, and you’re hanging on to that fairy tale by your fingertips because you know if you let it go you’ll have to face the truth that you’ve wasted years of your life romanticizing a dream.”
“You don’t get to pass judgment on my relationship. You weren’t fucking there!” he shouts, scrabbling to his feet.
“I don’t need to be there to see what’s fucking staring me in the face!” I put my face all up in his. “Wake the fuck up, Manning! Do you really think you’d still be with her? She didn't know you, Drew! You hid all the true parts of yourself from Jane! The fact you hid it from her speaks volumes, but you already know that.”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“And you’ve got a real problem keeping your mouth shut.”
“You don’t get to shit all over her memory just because you’re angry with me.”
I shove him in the shoulders, kinda wishing I had my gun. “I’m not angry, shithead. I’m fucking furious!” I step back and take a deep breath before I do or say something I’ll regret. “I’m not shitting on Jane. I adored her, and I can see how you fell for her. I’m not disrespecting the love you guys shared, and I’m glad she had that before her life was ended so cruelly. I’m pointing out if things had been different, if she hadn’t left Rydeville, if she’d stayed here, you would not be together. Or if you were, it’s because you were still hiding, and she was refusing to accept the truth. You’d both have been miserable.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Maybe I don’t.” I step up in his personal space again. “But you do. Don’t admit it to me, Drew, but at least admit it to yourself because you will not move forward until you do.”
His chest heaves, and pain glimmers across his face as he averts his eyes.
“You need to get your shit together because Arlo is going to need you. He will be shaken to his core when this comes out. His whole identity and everything he thought he had planned for his future will unravel overnight. He will need us to be strong, and you can’t bury your head in the sand any longer. You need to face your truths, and it starts with Jane.”
Silence descends for a few beats, and I use the time to calm down. Shouting won’t help, and I need to get through to him for Arlo’s sake.
“You were only kids, Drew. She was your first love, and your relationship was cut off in its prime. That was so unfair to both of you, and what happened to Jane is horrific. It kills me, and I didn’t know her like you did, so I do understand. But you can’t keep beating yourself up forever and using this as a shield. You're hiding behind your guilt, punishing yourself repeatedly, and using it as an excuse because you're fucking scared of opening yourself up to someone. Scared your heart will be broken again. Terrified of failing the people you love so you lock your emotions up and keep people away, and that is no way to live, and you cannot do that with Arlo.”
“Do you really think I don’t know that?”
“I don’t know, Drew, because you’ve shut me out all week and refused to speak to me, and you don’t get to do that. You and me are done, but we still need to work together to support Arlo. He’s all that matters now, and you need to man the fuck up for your son.”
“What if I’m not enough? What if I’m a terrible role model?”
“You are enough if you let yourself be, and you can’t be any worse of a role model than the man he thinks is his father.”
“That’s reassuring.” Sarcasm is thick in his tone.
“If you want someone to baby you, go hire someone because that sure as fuck is not me. I won’t enable you to continue hiding, and you have a choice here, Drew. Drop the façade and trust Arlo with the truth of who you are. Be real with him in a way you haven’t been with anyone for a long time.”
“I’ve been real with you.” His eyes bleed sincerity. “I’ve told you things no one else knows. I’ve opened my heart and let you in.”
“Yeah, and then you shoved me back out and retreated behind your walls the instant things got hard. I’m not sure any of it counts.”
“It counts.” He steps right up to me. “I’m trying to do the right thing by you.”
“The sad truth is I can tell you believe that.” Against my better judgment, I cup his cheek. “But what you are doing is the opposite. I told you I saw the real you and I embraced it. You know I’m capable of protecting and defending myself. You made choices for me without consulting me, and then you left me at the club like I meant nothing. Like I was another sexual transaction and nothing more.”
“That isn’t true.”
“I don't let others in, but I let you in. I told you I love you, and your response was to reject me and tell me we have no future.”
“You know that wasn’t the truth.”
“No, Drew, I don’t.” I cross my arms around myself and step back, trying to protect myself as hurt trickles through my veins. “We promised one another honesty, and I was vulnerable with you, but you disrespected me. You lied or took the coward’s way out, and you didn’t just let me down, you let yourself down.”
“You deserve better than me.”
“Oh, please. Shut the fuck up with the pity party. I’m sick of hearing it. You don’t get to push me away for this. If you don’t want me, fine, tell me, hand on heart with complete honesty, my feelings are unrequited. But don’t fucking push me away because you think you’re protecting me. Or because you’re still pining after the ghost of a woman who is long gone and the ghost of a relationship that would most likely not have endured. You have Jane on the highest pedestal, and no mortal woman will ever compare. I refuse to compete with a ghost.”
