“I love you, Sydney Shaw. You’re still my ride or die. We belong together. I know it won’t be easy, but please, can you give me another chance? Can you let me prove to you my love is real?”
ChapterTwenty-One
Sydney
“Jared, you cannot just…drop all of this on me and expect me to jump into your arms,” I say as a riot of emotions plays havoc with my insides.
“Why not?”
“Isn’t that a little presumptuous on your part?” I narrow my eyes.
“Yes, but I only get one shot at this, Syd. I fucked up once before, and I’m not doing that again. Even if you don’t love me anymore, I will win back your heart.”
“And here I was thinking you were remarkably humble for a famous rock star.” I finish my now lukewarm coffee as I eyeball him, purposely avoiding the L-word.
“Tell me what I need to do?” Sincerity radiates from his eyes. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it.” Vulnerability plays across his face, reminding me of the younger version of himself. It’s hard to stop my heart from melting, but I can’t give in just because he’s decided he wants me back.
“You’re still as impatient as ever.”
“Guilty as charged. You know me. When I want something, I go for it, and I give it my all. I want you, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to have you back in my life.” Claiming my hand again, he brings it to his lips, placing a feather-soft kiss on my knuckles. His eyes remain locked on mine, and it’s intense.
My entire arm is tingling, and I already know it would be so easy to fall back into his arms, but it’s not so easy to pick up where we left off. “We were kids then, Jared, and we’re very different people now. Who’s to say it would work?”
“As long as we love one another, we’ll make it work.”
“And what about Vittoria and your son?”
“She will only be in my life as the mother of my child. She has a set role.”
I yank my hand back. “That’s a little callous, Jared. I know this wasn’t planned, and she may be difficult, but it took two of you to create a new life, and you can’t turn your back on her.”
“I’m not.” He claws a hand through his hair, sending waves of inky black strands over his brow. “I’m going to ensure she’s well cared for, and I’ll be involved every step of the way for the duration of her pregnancy.”
Pain spears me through the chest. “There’s no room for me in that equation.”
“Of course, there is.” He leans forward, propping his elbows on the table as he pleads for understanding that is nonexistent. He can’t fully contemplate how excruciating it would be for me to be with him while another woman gives him a child. “I have plenty of downtime for the next year. We won’t be touring again for at least eighteen months, and we have ten months to deliver our next album to the label. We already have half the songs recorded, and we’re making progress on the rest. If you’re worried I won’t have time for you, I swear I do. You’ll be my priority, Syd. You and my son.”
Every time he says the word, it’s like a dagger through my heart. He doesn’t get it. He can’t because he doesn’t have all the facts. Something I would have to reconsider if I let him back into my life. “I can’t do it, Jared. I can’t be with you when another woman is carrying your child, and you shouldn’t ask it of me.”
Air rushes out of his mouth. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t rewind time and change what’s happened. If I could, I’d go back to our sophomore year and do everything differently.”
Leaning my head back, I tip my chin up and close my eyes, basking under the subtle September sun. My head is a battlefield, charging enthusiastically into war with my heart. If it was as simple as love, we’d no longer be talking. We’d be tangled in the sheets and one another.
But it’s not that simple.
It’s as complicated as it can be.
And I can’t rush into anything and risk undoing all my hard-won independence.
“She’s only got another three and a half months to go. If she even goes to full term. It’s not that long.”
My eyes pop open. “Then we can wait. It’s the respectful thing to do.” That’s if I can even accept the situation after the baby is born. At least this way, it gives me time to come around to the idea and to see if getting back together with Jared is really what’s best for me. Love isn’t always enough.
“Toria has nothing to do with what happens between you and me, Syd. It’s none of her business.”
“She won’t see it that way! You only recently broke up with her! Her hormones are probably all over the place, and I won’t be that woman. The one who stabs another woman in the back when she’s low. And think about your career? What would your fans think? They’ll hate me!” God, what was I thinking even considering this? I stand, ready to be done with this conversation. “I can’t be under a spotlight, Jared. If I’m with you, everyone will want a piece of me, and that’s not me. I like anonymity. I like a quiet life, and I’d like to keep it that way.”
“So that’s it?” He climbs to his feet, looking equally upset and angry. “You won’t even consider it?”
