Removing both hands from the tub, I lower to the floor on my butt, raise my knees and rest my head on them. My chest is heaving with remembered pain.
A wet hand lands on my arm. “I did it to hurt you,” he softly admits. “I was in so much pain, and then you showed up with him, and I’d had too much to drink, and I just wanted you to feel what I did.”
“Do you think I wasn’t hurting?” I lift my heavy eyes, staring at him. The pain in my throat is so extreme I can scarcely force the words out over the messy lump clogged there. “You were my everything, Chad, and I tried so damn hard to get through to you, but you refused to listen. I could see what you were doing, and I had to stand by and watch it all go down!” I move into a kneeling position, resting my butt on my heels. “Have you any idea how horrible it is to watch the man you love self-destruct and push you away? At a time when I needed you most! I had lost Jase, and I needed you to be there for me, and you were emotionally unavailable. I didn’t mean for things to happen with Ares. I swear I didn’t, but they just did.”
A pregnant pause ensues. “Ares was there for you when Jase and I weren’t,” he admits after a few silent beats. “I can’t blame either of you for what happened. You didn’t purposely set out to hurt me. Not in the way I did to you. It’s unforgivable. I know that. I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but I’m going to because what we have is too special to lose.” His voice cracks. Tears roll silently down our faces as we look at one another.
We are shielding nothing now.
“This is the conversation we should’ve had back then,” I whisper, fighting to trap my sobs inside.
“I know, but I was too hurt to have it. I lashed out at you instead.” Tentatively, he reaches for my face. I let him. Chad palms my face in his warm, wet hands. “I said this to you at the hospital, but I don’t know if you heard it. I didn’t have sex with her. What you saw in the hallway was the extent of it. It was all for show. When we got upstairs, I went to my bedroom and slammed the door in her face. I didn’t want her. I have never wanted her. You’re the only woman I love and desire, and even if you can’t forgive me, that won’t ever change.”
“I want to,” I say, sniffling as I lean into his embrace. “I want to forgive you, but I don’t know if I can. Those images are so vivid in my mind. I don’t know if I can get past them, but I will try because I’m not over you. The feelings are still there.”
“I want you back, Siren.” Determination is etched all over his face. “I want a chance to prove I can be the man you need. That sorry version of myself this past year is not who I am. The boyfriend you knew before that is the real me. If you give me another chance, I promise you won’t regret it. I will make it up to you. I swear.”
“What about Jase? And Ares?” I wind my fingers through his on one side of my face.
“Not gonna lie. Always thought I’d be the one to marry you, but if it can’t be me, I’m glad it’s Jase. Especially if it’s happening like this to protect you.”
My eyes startle at his astute observation, but I don’t want to cut this conversation short as it’s been a long time coming. So, I park that thought for now. “And Ares?”
“Are you saying you’re with him too?”
“We haven’t put any labels on it, but yeah.”
He looks contemplative for a few seconds. “I’m willing to mend bridges with him if he’s willing to meet me halfway.”
You could have told me angels just flew down from heaven, and I wouldn’t be any more surprised than I am right now.
Chad chuckles at whatever expression is on my face. “I know what you’re thinking. We hate one another, but it’s connected to things that our parents did. Things I suspect neither of us fully grasped. I projected a lot of my anger onto Ares, and I suspect he did the same with me. If he can set that aside so you get what you need, then so can I. Can’t say we won’t ever fight, but I will make peace with him if that’s what you need.” He laces his fingers through my hair. “You are all that matters, Ash. Everything else is insignificant now.”
I place my brow against his. “That means a lot.” We don’t speak for a few beats. “I can relate a little. I’m not saying everything is perfect. We still have stuff to work through, but I spent the past few days worrying I’d never see you again. That I’d never get to hold you again, and that thought gutted me, Chad.”
An errant sob travels up my throat as I lift my head up and stare into his gorgeous face. “We got you back. You’re safe, and we have a chance to fix things between us. I’m not going to let fear or shame or stubborn pride get in the way of that. Hurt is a different matter. I need to work that out of my system, but I want to try. I don’t want to lose what we have because of our mistakes and the things others have done to try to keep us apart.”
“I’m so not worthy of you.” Emotion floods his face and dampens his eyes. “I didn’t dare to hope you’d be willing to give me another chance. That you have means everything to me. You are one in a million, Ash. I promise I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and proving you made the right choice. You won’t regret this.”
An overwhelming desire to kiss him washes over me, so I do—softly brushing my mouth against his. I’m conscious of the ordeal he’s just been through, and I don’t want to do anything that could trigger him.
Chad kisses me back, slowly and softly, and emotion flays me on all sides. I burst out crying, and he holds me to him, whispering soothing words as he cradles the back of my head and clutches me to his chest.
Neither of us care he is naked, wet, and in a tub.
All that matters is we seem to have found a way back to one another.
The road will be bumpy, and things are far from resolved, but there is a righteousness to being in his arms I cannot deny.
Some girls might say I’m a fool.
Some guys might tell him he’s an idiot.
But all that matters in this moment is what is in our hearts, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like things are going to be okay.
ChapterThirty
Ashley
