Mom has reverted to form, and I might as well be invisible.
“If he’s going to confront us, I’d rather just get it over with,” I say, pushing away from the sink.
“He’s got to know we’d attempt this, and he must have known we’d be at Knight’s party.”
I arch a brow as I round the island unit, anxious to get back to Chad. “You think it was a test or something? Like he wanted us to rescue him?”
Jase shrugs. “Who knows what goes through that psycho’s mind.” He jerks his head. “Go on. I’m sure he’s waiting on you.”
I nod and walk off.
“Ash?”
I turn back around.
“I don’t think this needs to be said, but I’ll say it anyway.” He props a hip against the counter, flicking his head and tossing waves of messy dark hair to one side. His clothes are wrinkled from hours forcing his long broad body into a too-small chair, there are shadows under his eyes and extra growth on his jawline, but he’s still one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. His piercing green eyes are sincere when he says, “I’m okay with whatever you decide with Chad. Same goes for Ares too.”
“I know.” I blow him a kiss. “But thanks for confirming it.” I blow him another kiss before I walk back to the en suite bathroom.
Chad’s arms are resting on either side of the tub and his head is back, his eyes fixated on a tiny crack in the ceiling, when I reenter the room. Tilting his chin down, he swings his gaze on me. The shorter cropped bleached-blond style he was sporting a few months ago has been replaced with a look I’m more familiar with. His hair is darker with fading blond streaks, and it’s longer all over. He looks more like the boy I fell in love with in high school. Though that version of Chad didn’t have ink covering one arm and part of his chest.
“Do you want some pain pills?” I ask, hovering by the sink where I left the Advil.
“Yeah. I think I need them.” He tries to hide a grimace as he sits up straighter in the tub, water sloshing around him with the motion.
Kneeling beside him, I pass him the pills, and my skin tingles when our fingers brush in the exchange. His eyes lift to mine when he feels it too.
Attraction was never an issue for us.
We didn’t break up because we weren’t into one another anymore.
We broke up because communication broke down between us and I betrayed him with Ares. It doesn’t hurt any less acknowledging it to myself. Even when I know our breakup wasn’t just my fault. Wordlessly, I hand him the glass, watching as he swallows the pills.
“Can I wash you?” I reach for the soft white cloth and body wash.
He nods, turning his head to the side to look at me. “Why are you so good to me?”
“You’re in pain, and you need my help. I would never deny you that.” I dump a load of body wash on the cloth and dip it in the water, getting it all sudsy.
Sadness shrouds his face, and I know that’s not what he was hoping to hear. “I’m sorry, Ash. I’m so sorry about everything. Shutting you out, getting lost in my own head, refusing to listen to reason when you told me not to get involved with The Sainthood. Letting my stupid pride get in the way when you and Jase offered financial support. It’smyfault you ended up in bed with Ares. I pushed you into his arms. I wasn’t the boyfriend you deserve or need. I stopped being that guy the minute shit went down with my dad, and I wish I could go back and do it all differently.”
I sweep the cloth back and forth across his shoulders, chest, and arms before moving it lower. His hard-on juts out from his body. Long, thick, and leaking precum. It seems he’s been painfully hard since we rescued him from that horrible place. Tears stab the backs of my eyes when I think about all he’s endured. My hand stalls on his lower abdomen, and I lift my face to his. “I wish I’d done some things differently too. We both made mistakes.”
“I don’t blame you for what happened with Ares. He shouldn’t have taken advantage of your vulnerability, but I knew there was chemistry between you. I chose to ignore it because burying my head in the sand seems to be my go-to motto these days.”
I move my other hand to his face, gently palming his cheek. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. You were shouldering a lot of responsibilities.”
“It’s not an excuse. I should have leaned on you and Jase. Instead, I hid shit from you, and I created space between us. I didn’t even tell you how badly my mom had fallen apart.”
“We spoke with your mom. Tessa too. You need to have a conversation with her, Chad. With Ares too. All is not as it seemed.”
“I don’t want to talk about that now. I want to talk about us. If there is still the potential of an us.”
“You really want to talk about it now?”
“Probably the only good thing to have come out of the past few days is the realization that I was focusing my energies on all the wrong things. Worrying over stuff that doesn’t fucking matter. And life is too short.” He reaches out, water dripping down his arm, and brushes wet fingers across my face. “I was terrified I would never get the chance to tell you how sorry I am or how much I am still in love with you. My biggest regret is leaving you that day instead of staying and talking it through. Trying to find a way to get past what had happened with Ares. I let my personal feelings about him get in the way, and I lost you in the process.” His blue eyes are troubled as they pin me in place. “I love you, Ash. I never stopped. I love you so much. You are my world, and I should never have lost sight of that.”
Pain stabs me through the heart as unwelcome images pop into my head. “You hurt me, Chad. What you did with Julia, it hurt so damn much. It still does.”
