“You’re going to love it.” I predict. “It’s such a rush.”
I get on and she climbs up behind me, pressing close to my back as her arms tighten around me.
We take off slowly, navigating my twisty driveway and out through the gates. I take the back roads to the park, picking up speed the farther we travel. It’s a stunning September day, bright and clear with enough sunshine to warm our bones without making visibility difficult.
We reach the national park thirty minutes later, and I park my bike beside a Jeep, the only other vehicle in the lot. Color is already returning to Catarina’s cheeks when I remove the helmet and take her hand. “Well, how was your first experience?”
“Thrilling.” She grips my hand tight and smiles. Until she remembers her pain and the smile fades.
“Don’t do that. Don’t remind yourself to be sad. Life is for living. It’s meant to be enjoyed. It’s okay to smile.”
She wraps herself around me again, and I dot kisses into her hair. She eases out of my embrace a couple minutes later, still looking sad, but I spy a glint of determination on her face too.
After I stow the helmets, I retrieve my backpack and sling it on my back. We set off on the main trail, hiking along the elevated boardwalk. The park appears sunken as it’s built under the dunes, but it’s not. It’s part of the appeal. “I like walking out here. The trails are well defined, and I love the smell of pine and the salty breeze of the ocean tickling my skin.”
“It’s peaceful,” she supplies, admiring the view of the ocean through the trees as we walk through the forest. We stop after a mile at a bench facing the Atlantic Ocean, and I hand her a bottle of water.
“My brother had a motorcycle,” she says in between sipping her drink. “He was seven years older than me and even more protective than my dad. Fernando said he’d take me out on it when I was eighteen, but obviously that never happened.” Her chest heaves as she stares straight ahead while speaking.
I thread my fingers through hers on the bench.
“Renzo had one too when we lived in Vegas, but Saverio wouldn’t let me leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary, and Renzo wouldn’t entertain the idea anyway.” A choked sob rips from her lips. “He couldn’t bear the thought I might get injured. He wouldn’t take that risk with me, he said, because I’d suffered enough physical pain.”
I scoot in close and circle my arms around her. She’s trembling, and I wish I could absorb her pain and remove her suffering. “It’s okay to mourn his loss, Rina. Just because it ended horribly doesn’t negate everything that came before. It’s okay to remember the good times.”
She sniffles and nods before continuing. “Ren would drive me to the cosmetic surgeon’s office and carry me to the car after procedures. He used to buy my clothes, my tampons, and toiletries, and he was the one who got me on the pill. He helped me with my homework, taught me how to fight and shoot and how to throw a knife.” Tears stream down her face. “He held me so many nights when I woke up screaming in a cold sweat, believing I was back in that dungeon. He even helped me to explore intimacy when I turned eighteen and I was ready to confront those demons.”
Her chest rattles with heaving sobs as she leans her head on my shoulder. “He was so gentle with me, showing me a different side to sex.”
Personally, I feel he crossed a line when things got sexual. It’s predatory in a way she wouldn’t have realized and still doesn’t. He was her protector. A father figure of sorts, and it seems wrong to me. But it’s in the past, and there’s no point saying anything. It would only upset her more. I smooth a hand up and down her back as she cries, glad she’s finally letting it out.
“Ren fought Saverio constantly when he wouldn’t let him move with me to Philly. As soon as I had leverage and I came for him, he didn’t hesitate to turn his back on the only family he’d known. He left everything behind for me.”
“He loved you.”
She nods. “I loved him too.” She squeezes her eyes shut before lifting her face to mine. “How did it come to this? It wasn’t supposed to go down in this way. Maybe if I hadn’t been so focused on revenge—”
“Listen to me, Rina. This is not your fault. He made his own choices, as did Maria. Renzo decided not to come to you. In doing that, he set his own path.”
“It’s all so fucked up!” she yells, shaking and trembling in my arms. “All of it! I knew something was wrong, but I believed it was jealousy over you and marital problems. I should have paid more attention. If I had, perhaps I could’ve forced him to confide in me before he got too deep. I wasn’t a very good friend to him these past few months. I didn’t see what was in front of my nose.”
“You had your own stuff going on. You were juggling lots of balls. Please don’t beat yourself up over it.”
She rubs furiously at her eyes as tears continue to fall. “I lost everyone who mattered to me all because Angelo Mazzone negotiated a marriage contract for Natalia.” Anguished howls pepper the air as she falls apart. “I should have let it go. If I hadn’t been so bitter and determined to make my enemies pay, none of this would’ve happened.”
I want to say we wouldn’t be here now, but she needs to purge this shit, no matter how wrong she is.
“I fucked up, and now he’s dead. He’s dead, and I’m the one who killed him.” She sobs into my chest as I hold her, feeling utterly helpless. “How do I tell his kids? How do I face them after what I did?”
“What happened was solely their parents’ fault, sweetheart, and this is one occasion where we need to learn the lessons from the past.” I brush her tears away as more tumble. “The best way you can honor Renzo is to shield those kids from the ugly truth. Keep their memories intact. We tell them their parents died in a car accident. I can set the stage so that is the only truth should they go looking in the future. Let what Maria and Renzo did die with them. Let their kids remember them with pride.”
“Yes.” She sniffles as she nods her head. “That is exactly what we should do.” She sniffles again. “My papa died without honor because he was protecting me and I spent years hating him, Massimo. I thought horrible things about him, and I was so wrong.”
“You know the truth now, my love. You know he loved you so much he made the ultimate sacrifice for you. Your brother too.”
Clutching my sweater, she holds on to me for dear life. “So much needless death.” She wipes her nose with the back of her sleeve, staring up at me with red-rimmed eyes. “It puts so many things into perspective. All these things I’ve been fighting for. Revenge. Power. Success. They mean nothing. I lost sight of what was most important. The only thing worth fighting for is—love.”
ChapterForty-Seven
