“I have suspicions but no proof. He’s smarter this time.”
“You need to speak to him.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth. “I know.” Like I know I’ve been delaying the inevitable conversation. But I won’t go through this again. I can’t. I won’t be played like a fool or treated like less than I deserve.
“Ask me what you really want to know.” She pins me with that all-seeing look of hers.
Her intensity bringshisimage to the forefront of my mind, and my heart picks up speed behind my rib cage. My chest visibly heaves, and my palms grow sweaty. “You see him?” I whisper, afraid to say it out loud. I can’t even force myself to think about it, let alone articulate the thought.
“I do. I saw him the first time we met.”
I suck in a shocked gasp at her admission. Vander had only moved to the area with his parents a few months before our first session, and I resolutely refused to think about him as anything but my eldest son’s new best friend. He was fifteen then.Fifteen. And…I force those thoughts from my mind. It was around the time Curtis had his affair and my mind was a mess. That’s the only way I can explain my weird reaction to someone who was only a kid at the time. I haven’t thought of him like that in the intervening period. Not until more recently when the connection seems to be growing stronger.
And Vander is no longer a kid.
He’s eighteen. Six foot three inches of pure masculinity wrapped in the most tempting package. His quiet confidence, sharp wit, brooding manner, and keen intelligence is as appealing as his appearance and—
I stop that train of thought. No good will come from it. He’s West’s best friend. He’s eighteen and a senior in high school. I should not be having wicked thoughts about him. It’s only because my marriage is falling apart and he pays me more attention than my husband does.
It’s just a stupid infatuation.
Nothing will come of it.
Because I won’t let it.
“Beating yourself up over it won’t make any difference,” Dee says, leaning back a little in her chair. “In this life, we don’t always get to choose.”
“What does that mean?”
“I think you know what it means.”
“It’s wrong,” I whisper, and my cheeks flush with the recognition she sees the immoral thoughts I’ve been having.
“Why?” She sits back fully in her chair, and her eyes soften as they latch on mine.
I clear my throat, deciding to own up to my feelings. It’s not like Dee is going to tell anyone. “Take your pick. I’m too old. He’s too young. I’m married. His home life is a nightmare. He’s West’s best friend.” I tweak my lips with my fingers as I stare out the window into the dark night. “I’m delusional and imagining things that aren’t there.”
“Like what?”
I turn my head, refocusing on Dee. “Like the way he looks at me,” I whisper.
“How does he look at you?”
“Like he has a hotline to my soul and my innermost thoughts and feelings. Like heseesme.”
“Perhaps he does.”
I shake my head. “He’s not supposed to.”
She arches a brow, leaning her elbows on the table. “Isn’t he?”
I frown, wondering what she is getting at. “It almost sounds like you want me to act on my feelings.”
“I don’t tell you what to do or steer you onto any path, Kendall. You know that. I can only tell you what I see.”
“And what is that?”
Her eyes probe mine intensely. “I’m not sure you’re ready to hear this yet, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I think you should keep an open mind.”
