Vander chuckles, and his eyes radiate love and adoration. God, it would be so easy to get lost in those mesmerizing emerald depths. To imagine a world where there are no barriers separating us and no one would care if we were together, a world where we could be happy. I can see it. Easily. That thought alone should shock me, but I have always been able to look beyond the exterior and see the truth of the man standing before me. Sometimes I have to remind myself of his age because, when we spend time together, I often forget.
But that vision is just a dream. The reality is, there are too many obstacles in our path, and I have a family. A family I can’t just give up. If I can patch things up with Curtis, and we find a way to make things work and keep our family intact, that’s what I must do. Even if it means sacrificing my happiness and the potential love of a lifetime with the guy standing before me, opening his heart, and shielding nothing.
“I can’t leave Curtis,” I finally say, removing his hands from my face and stepping around the other side of the island unit, creating a physical barrier between us. “He’s my husband. The father of my children.”
“He’s a cheating douchebag, and you’re not happy.”
“My happiness doesn’t come into it.” My hands tremble as I remove the Saran Wrap from the drawer and cover a plate of food for Diana.
“Bullshit.” He slams his clenched fist on the marble countertop. “You can be a loving mother and be happy too. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“You don’t understand. It’s—”
“I fucking understand more than most,” he seethes, and a muscle pops in his jaw. “If my mom had left my dad when I was a kid and he first started beating her, she would’ve had a chance at being happy, and I sure as shit would be a lot less scarred. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re doing the right thing for your kids by staying with him.”
It’s scary and sad how much Vander understands.
“That’s why you took him back after he cheated, isn’t it?” he prods.
I glance at the door again, knowing Curtis and Ridge won’t be back for ages, but I’m not sure where West and Stella have gone. They could reappear at any second, and I can’t have this conversation here. “This isn’t the time or place for this conversation.”
He grinds his teeth, and I hate to see so much anger and pain on his face. “Answer me one thing, Kendall, and I’ll go.”
I wrap my arms around myself, instinctually knowing I need it.
“Do you love him?”
“I’m not answering that. It’s none of your business.”
He grins. “You just did.” He stalks around the island unit, and I scramble back until my spine hits the wall. He towers over me, consuming me completely without even touching me. “Do you loveme?”
My heart thrashes against my chest cavity, and my mouth turns dry. “What?” I croak, grasping for time.
“You heard me.” His eyes bore into mine. “I love you, and I want to hear you say it too.”
At times when I forget Vander is a teenager, his youthful arrogance rears its head to remind me. “That is very presumptuous of you.”
His grin is borderline scary. “Stop deflecting, Kendall baby.” He grips my chin tight, angling my head up. “Answer the question. Do you love me?”
“No,” I snap.
His nostrils flare as he leans in close to my face. “Liar.” He brushes his lips across my mouth.
It’s only fleeting. Not a proper kiss. But, my God, I feel it everywhere, and my knees almost buckle underneath me. My heart is careening around my chest, about to force its way out of my body and grow wings.
“Let’s try that again. I want the truth this time.”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, and thatisthe truth. I know I have strong feelings for him. Feelings I have no business having, but I haven’t labeled them. I don’t know if it’s because I can’t decipher what I feel, my situation with Curtis is messing with my head, or I’m just too chickenshit to admit it.
His fingers loosen their grip on my chin as he stares into my eyes. “I won’t push you, but I’m not backing down this time.” He lets go of me and steps back, taking all the warmth with him. “You know where I am if you need me. I’ll be waiting.” He takes the plate for his mom. “Thanks again for dinner,” he says, walking off without another look at me.
I watch him leave the kitchen with scattered thoughts and a racing heart, both relieved and disappointed.
* * *
“We need to talk,” I tell Curtis later that night when Ridge is in bed. My husband went out for a few hours after he returned from his bike ride with our son, and I have no clue where he went. When he came home, he went straight to his home office, and he’s been holed up here ever since. I want to sit down with Stella and West, which is why they are waiting in the living room for us. But first I need to know if it’s happening again. I fold my arms and level my husband with a solemn look. “Are you having another affair?”
He sits back in his chair, arching a brow as he stares at me with indifference. “I wondered how long it’d take you to start accusing me again.”
