“I know. I want to stop thinking about it because it’s turning me the fuck on, but it appears I have a one-track mind when it comes to you.”
I hope I’m reading this right, because it seems like we might finally be on the same page. Before she has a chance to overthink things, I grab her face and crush my lips to hers, licking the inside of her mouth, pretending it’s her pretty pussy I’m licking instead. She doesn’t let me down, kissing me back with the same urgency, and I’m mentally fist pumping the air. We’re clutching one another, kissing frantically as if our lives depend on it, and I want nothing more than to take her back to the bedroom and bury myself so far inside her we forget anything and everything but the two of us and how right we are for each other.
That thought forces me to pull back, because I know she doesn’t want to have sex on this plane, and I don’t want to go there until there’s nothing between us.
No secrets.
No lies.
No past mistakes.
Just honesty and love.
27
Zeta
When we stop at Denver to refuel, another flight attendant replaces Sarah, much to her fury and disgust. Ryder explained he had texted Rod when we were in the air to have her replaced, and I’m touched that he went to so much trouble to put me at ease. I’m not going to lie. I wanted to cut the bitch a new one, but I would’ve survived. It’s not like this is the last time I’m going to run into one of Ryder’s conquests, and I’ll just have to grow thicker skin and learn to deal with it. I hate the thought of him being with other girls, especially those nasty groupies, but I can’t criticize him for having a life when we were apart. He’s made it clear none of them were anything more than meaningless sex, so I’m trying not to get all worked up over it. Not when I know what we have is something special.
When he told the bitch I was his girlfriend, it made me silently jump for joy. I know I told him I wanted to take things slow, but I can’t hold back anymore.
I want him.
I want him so fucking badly, and the things that were upsetting me a couple weeks ago aren’t bothering me as much anymore.
While my hormones would happily approve of any plan which involved jumping Ryder’s bones, I still want to hold back on that front. I know when we make love nothing will ever be the same again, and I want to ensure there is no obstacle between us when we do.
Right now, I’ve got to focus on the important stuff, like finding out the rest of the story with Luc. I managed to fall asleep for a few hours on the plane, so we never got to finish our conversation. Mike is currently driving us to the hospital where Luc is, so Ryder is filling me in on the rest.
“It was two years ago, and we were playing a gig at the Staples Center,” he says. “It got really messy at the after-party, and Luc was trashed, but I still left him alone to go back to my hotel room. I hate being back in California. It reminds me of so many troubled memories, and it always brings everything to the surface. My past, leaving you, my fucked-up childhood. All of it.”
Unbuckling my belt, I scoot over beside him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, unbuckling his belt and refastening it over both of us. I snuggle into his side, loving how protective he is of me. Ryder’s the only one who’s ever made me feel so safe, so protected, so loved.
“What happened to Luc?”
He closes his eyes, and his entire body tenses up beside me. I run my hand up and down his arm, pressing my face into his chest, soaking up his warmth and his delicious smell and wanting to absorb the pain I feel oozing from his every pore. Whatever the truth is, I can tell this is something else Ryder feels guilty about. Something else he blames himself for.
“He nearly died, Zeta. I nearly killed one of my best friends.” He whispers it so quietly I’m not sure I heard him correctly.
“What?” I gulp over the painful lump in my throat.
He opens his eyes, and the pain reflected in his gaze guts me. Ryder’s pain cuts even deeper than mine, I realize in this moment, as he sits beside me, naked and vulnerable, not shielding anything from me.
“He took a concoction of drugs, and he was completely trashed. He launched himself off the roof of the hotel because he thought he was Superman and he was convinced he could fly.” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat and tears pool in his eyes. “He flatlined three times on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, and I thought I’d lost him. The doctors managed to save him, but he’s paralyzed from the waist down, and he’s in a wheelchair now.”
I clamp a hand over my mouth as my own tears make a reappearance. Horror and shame engulf me. I’ve thought of Luc a lot over the years. Picked up the phone countless times to call him. But I never followed through because of the Ryder connection.
“I called you,” Ryder whispers, effectively pulling me out of my mind. “I was pacing the hallways in the hospital while I waited for his sister to arrive, and the only person I was thinking of was you. I wanted you there. Needed you. And I knew you’d want to know, even if you hadn’t had any contact with him for years.”
“That was you!” I exclaim, clearly remembering the night I got a strange call, and a weird sensation had crept over me. “I heard all this noise in the background. Sirens blaring. People shouting. The sound of footsteps,” I say, recalling it vividly. “I kept saying hello, and no one answered.”
“I wanted to talk, but I couldn’t make myself speak,” he says, holding me tighter. “I was standing in the middle of the hallway in the hospital as chaos reigned around me, with tears streaming down my face, listening to your voice and missing you so fucking much I wished I was the one in the operating room, not Luc, because the pain crashing through me was more than I could bear.”
“Oh, Ryder.”
“You stayed on the line for ages,” he whispers, peering down at me.
I stare deep into his eyes. “I couldn’t explain it then, and I can’t explain it now, but I knew it wasn’t a crank call. I think, subconsciously, I knew it was you. All I can tell you is that I was incapable of hanging up, and I stayed on the line until you hung up on me.”
