“I didn’t come here to cause you any pain, and I can come back another time if this is too much now.”
I’m struck dumb as I stare at him. When I was little, I used to imagine what my dad looked like. I used to wish he’d show up and whisk me away. But he never did. “Why didn’t you care about me?” I blurt. “You never came.”
“I didn’t know you were mine until it was too late.” His eyes turn glassy. “If I had known, I would never have left you with Brenda.”
“Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll make us some coffee,” Zeta suggests, pulling me over to the couch and gesturing for him to follow. She pushes me down onto the couch, kissing me on the lips. “Ryder, you need to hear what Noel has to say. Trust me. You want to hear this.”
She leaves us to get drinks, and I scrub a hand across my jaw. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”
“I grew up around the corner from your mom. Had a massive crush on her when I got older and started noticing girls.”
“I guess there’s no accounting for taste.” My scathing tone reveals my bitterness.
He shifts a little on the end of the couch, looking forlorn. “She wasn’t always like that. Brenda was actually really sweet when I first knew her. We dated for a few years, and things were good between us until she changed. She became secretive and started blowing me off a lot. I discovered she’d been using drugs the same time I found out she was cheating on me. It broke my heart to break up with her, but she wasn’t the girl I’d fallen in love with. Turns out, the guy she left me for was a pimp, and soon, she was … well, I think you know.”
“Opening her legs for any asshole. Yeah, I know that part.” A sour taste floods my mouth.
“I found out she was pregnant a few months after we split up,” he continues. “I went to her. Asked her outright if the baby was mine, and she laughed in my face and told me no. She’d been having sex with this older, rich man. Someone her pimp had lined up, and she told me he was the baby’s father. I had no reason to doubt her, and I was heartbroken at learning the extent of her betrayal.”
He clasps his hands in his lap, staring at me with honest eyes. It’s hard to look at his face and see my own features reflected back at me. “I joined the army straight after that, and I was overseas for a few years. I did a couple missions abroad before I was promoted and stationed at the military base in Boston.”
Zeta comes back into the room, handing coffees out before sinking into the seat beside me. She places her free hand on my thigh, rubbing my leg in a soothing gesture, and I pull her in closer to my side. “Congratulations on your wedding, by the way. I saw the reports online. I’m happy for you.” His smile is sincere, but I’m not about to get all buddy-buddy with him until I have all the facts.
“Thank you,” Zeta says. “We’ve waited a long time to be together.”
“When did you find out I was your son?” I ask, jumping in before the conversation gets derailed.
“Your mother called me when you were on trial.” A muscle ticks in my jaw. “I was shocked at her complete lack of remorse when she admitted she’d lied. She confirmed you were my son. She had used you to blackmail that other man she’d been sleeping with. He’d been handing over child support for a few years before he asked for a paternity test. He cut her off when he discovered you weren’t his child. She told me she tried to find me, no doubt to extort money from me too, but she was unsuccessful, until Monica gave her my details.”
“Cory’s mom?” I frown.
A pained look stretches across his face. “Yeah.”
I’m about to ask why the hell she’d have his details, when he speaks up again, continuing his explanation. “I told Brenda if the paternity test confirmed you were my son that I’d take responsibility for you. She took great pleasure in telling me what’d happened and that you’d most likely be sent to juvie. I hung up on her when she told me that. I was in complete shock. I …” He draws a shuddering breath, his eyes filling up.
“You hated me,” I supply. “You were glad you’d had nothing to do with me.” Zeta wraps her arm around me, and I put my cold coffee down.
“No, I … well, I was very confused, and it was a hugely upsetting time for me. I was devastated that you were involved. It took me a few months to deal with the … implications, but Clare—she was my fiancée then—she helped me deal with it. You were only a kid, and I knew you’d had no positive guidance in your life. I spoke to Monica, and she told me how you used to babysit Cory, how you looked after him, and that helped me come to terms with it.”
“Yet, you still did nothing,” I say through gritted teeth. “So, you hadn’t really come to terms with it. And, you know what, I get it. Your son was a monster. No one would blame you for wanting to keep your distance.” Zeta rubs her hand up and down my arm.
He shakes his head. “That’s not how things happened.” He places his empty coffee cup down on the table. “Your mom had been sending me threatening messages and calls for months. She told me unless I gave her ten thousand dollars she’d go to the press and reveal I was your father. At that time, I had just set up my medical practice, and Clare and I were due to get married soon. I didn’t want the press attention, for me or you, but I also didn’t want to abandon you. So, I struck a deal with her. I told her I’d give her the money provided she got me your DNA for a paternity test.”
“That’s why she visited me.” I shake my head. “She only came that one time, and I never understood why she swabbed my mouth.” My eyes burn with renewed anger. “She was only doing it because there was something in it for her.”
“I’m sorry, Ryder. I’m sorry you had to grow up like that. If I’d known, I would’ve fought her for custody. That’s what my plan was when she eventually told me the truth, but I wanted proof you were mine first because I didn’t trust a word out of her mouth by then.”
“So, what happened?” Zeta asks.
“Brenda overdosed the day after I got the results confirming you were my son. You were already in the system, and your identity had been changed, and I didn’t know how to find you. She hadn’t completed any of the paperwork before she died, so I hired a lawyer to help me, but we kept hitting red tape and a brick wall. Your identity was sealed, and I was told that information could not be disclosed. The only thing the authorities would agree to was that you would be notified and given my contact details upon your release.”
“No one told me anything.”
“Zeta just mentioned that, and I’m furious. I received confirmation that you had been notified, and I’ll be sending a strongly worded communication via my attorney demanding the truth. All these years, I’ve believed you knew who I was but didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I thought perhaps you were afraid that I wouldn’t be able to love you after what happened to him, but that’s not the case. I’ve spent thousands of dollars hiring various private investigators to try and find you, because I wanted to speak to you face to face, to tell you I love you and I forgive you. That it doesn’t mean we can’t have a relationship because of what happened with your brother. My sons were watching your press conference, and they called me in to the room. I couldn’t believe it was you although there was no denying the resemblance. Wilder and Wes were so excited, because they’ve known how long I’ve tried to find you. I came here as soon as I located your whereabouts because I would really like an opportunity to get to know you. Clare and the boys would too. In fact, they can’t believe Ryder Stone from Torment is their big brother.”
I’m stunned at the news I have half-brothers, but I’m more concerned with something else he said. “What did you mean by what happened with my brother?” He’s not making much sense.
He draws a long breath, dragging his hand through his hair in a gesture that is freakily similar to mine. “It’s okay, Ryder. I don’t blame you. Not anymore. After talking with Monica, I drew some comfort from the fact you loved him while he was alive, and I know you did your best to stop it from happening that day. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, and it was those mistakes that led to your brother dying that day. I accept the part I played in the whole horrible mess.”
