Instead, Gino and I came to a silent solution. We are cordial to one another, and we do what has to be done when we are in public. We put on a show, and no one can tell it’s all a sham, because behind closed doors we are virtual strangers.
“Oh, Nat.” Her heartfelt tone brings me back to the reality of our situation. I can’t fall apart in public, and I need to get a grip. This is not who I am, and this temporary bout of melancholy ends now.
Opening my eyes, I take a few calming breaths to steady myself. I smile at my best friend. “I’m fine. I got my sons out of it, and they are my world. I love them as if I gave birth to them myself.”
“I know you do. You’re an amazing mother. I always knew you would be.”
“Sierra is pregnant,” I blurt.
“That is wonderful news. I’m happy for Ben.”
“Me too. They are both over the moon.”
“I know it’s hard for you,” she softly adds. “Like it was with me.”
“I still feel bad about how I reacted when you told me you were pregnant with Gia.” Shame washes over me as I think about how I blatantly ignored my bestie when she got pregnant, the year after I got married, with her firstborn. “It’s one of my biggest regrets.”
“Don’t do that. You know I understand, and I never held it against you. My God, Natalia, it’s only human to feel like that after what you’ve been through.”
“I still hate I was so resentful. You know I didn’t truly mean it.”
“I know you were grieving so many things.”
She lets go of my hand, and we sip our wine, both contemplative.
“I got a little drunk last night, and I almost blurted shit to Leo.”
She quirks a brow. “Go on.”
“I think he picked up on my mood. He asked me why I never had babies.”
“And you told him?” Her mouth hangs open.
I arch a brow. “That I had an IUD fitted secretly so my husband couldn’t impregnate me and how Gino thinks I’m barren because I haven’t given him more kids? Of course not. I didn’t answer. Instead, I asked him why he fucked whores.”
She almost spits her wine out on the table. “Oh, hell, Nat.” She giggles.
“He told me he’s lonely and he does it because he knows he will never marry and have kids. He said it’s still me. I’m the only one.” My hand shakes as I lift my glass. “I wanted to throw myself at him, Frankie. I think I might have done it too, only I remembered in time why I must stay away from him.”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you sometimes, so I’m not surprised to hear that.”
We stop talking as the waitress arrives, setting our plates down in front of us.
“I broke my wineglass in my haste to get away from him, and he lifted me out of harm’s way, and then I burst out crying because even that little touch was so good.” I carefully cut my chicken as I talk. “Then he hugged me, and I swear to fucking God, I have never had a hug like it.”
“Only because you don’t remember what his hugs felt like.”
“I remember everything we shared, and every way he touched me was amazing. But this was different.” I pop a piece of chicken into my mouth while Frankie cuts into her steak. “I’m starved for affection and intimacy. Honestly, if that creepy mailman brushed against me, I’d probably orgasm out of sheer neglect.”
“Jesus, don’t wish that on yourself. He’s a perv.” Frankie shudders. “When are you seeing Gino?”
“Never, I’m beginning to suspect. I wonder if he will ever return from Chicago. He seems to love it there.”
“When do you need to let NYU know?”
“Next week. If I don’t accept and pay my fees, I’ll have to pass on my place.”
“Pay it and work on him in the meantime. It’s not like you don’t have your own money.”
