Alesso stands next, hugging Sierra and shaking Ben’s hand. “This is awesome news. Rowan is going to be so happy. Have you told him yet?”
Ben shakes his head. “Sierra is only six weeks pregnant. We thought we would wait a little while before telling him. Work him up to it.”
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled,” Sierra says, “but he’s had a lot of change in his life recently, and we don’t want him to feel insecure or threatened.”
I look at Natalia. She hasn’t said a word. She’s staring off into space with the saddest expression on her face.
“Nat.” Ben notices too, and I wonder if he’s thinking the same thoughts as me.
Nat is thirty-two now, and she’s been married to Gino for eleven years, but there have been no babies. I don’t know if they have had trouble conceiving or if Gino decided he wasn’t having any more kids, but it’s not normal within our culture.
“Are you okay?” Ben asks, looking troubled.
Nat snaps out of it, smiling as she gets up. “Forgive me. I was a million miles away.” She walks around the table, hugging her sister-in-law and then her brother. “This is fantastic news. Seeing you so happy, Benny.” Her voice chokes as she slaps a hand over her chest. “It’s all I have ever wanted for you.” She kisses Sierra on both cheeks. “Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving my brother as well as you do. Thank you for blessing him with another child. I can’t wait to meet my new niece or nephew.”
We head out to the covered veranda with our drinks, settling into the comfortable couches. Sierra turns some music on low, and Ben lights the patio heater, even though it’s still warm and probably in the sixties. I bet my buddy is going to fuss over his woman in a major way during her pregnancy. I don’t blame him. He missed out on this when Sierra was pregnant with Rowan, and he is uber protective of his family.
With good reason.
We have plenty of enemies, and Ben is one of the most powerful mafia bosses in America. Meaning he will always be a target.
We talk and laugh, and it’s a chilled-out evening. Natalia is pensive. Quieter than usual. And I wish I knew what was troubling her.
Sierra yawns, and Ben swings into action, scooping her up like she’s precious cargo. “We’re calling it a night. See you all in the morning.”
Alesso and Serena aren’t far behind them, leaving me with mydolcezza. It’s rare we are alone together, and I’m going nowhere. “You want the rest?” I ask, lifting the almost empty wine bottle.
“Sure, why not?” Her eyes are a little glazed over, and I think she might be drunk. It’s not like Natalia. She likes to have a good time at parties and events, but she is always in control.
I top off her glass and grab a fresh beer from the mini refrigerator.
Awkward silence engulfs the space between us, and I hate it. We used to be so comfortable around one another, and I hate this limbo state we exist in now. “Are you okay?” I ask, swilling some of my beer as I cross one ankle over my knee.
She barks out a laugh. “I suppose that depends on your definition.”
I get up, taking my beer with me as I slide into the chair closest to her. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
“I don’t,” she says after a few silent beats, swallowing another mouthful of her wine.
Maybe I should let it go, but her unhappiness is obvious. “Does this have something to do with Sierra being pregnant?”
Her blue eyes swivel to mine, blazing indignantly. “I’m delighted for my brother and his wife. They deserve to be happy.”
“You do too.” I set my bottle down on the coffee table, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. “Why haven’t you had babies, Natalia?”
“Why do you fuck so many whores?” she retorts, instantly silencing me.
Swiping my beer, I lean back and pour half the bottle down my throat. When I’m less agitated, I respond. “Because I’m lonely,” I admit, willing her to look at me. “Because I know there isn’t a wife or kids in my future and impersonal sex with women who will never mean anything more is all I am capable of.”
She lifts her head, and a tight pain slices across my chest when I see the silent tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want that life for you,” she whispers. “You’re supposed to be happy. One of us should be happy.”
“A beautiful wise woman once told me happiness is an illusion.” I gulp painfully over the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat. “She was right.” I put my beer on the floor by my foot. Taking a risk, I reach out, brushing her tears away with my thumb.
She closes her eyes, leaning into my touch, and I cup her cheek, staring at her lips like a drowning man.
“It’s still you,dolcezza,” I whisper. “It will only ever be you.”
Her eyes blink open, and she moves down the couch, as far away as she can get from me. “Don’t, Leo.” More tears fall down her cheeks. “Just don’t. I can’t hear this. I’m going to bed.” She stands abruptly, knocking against the coffee table. Her glass tumbles, crashing to the ground and shattering upon impact. Wine splashes her legs and against her clothes. “Shit.”
