4
Natalia
“Is that what last night was about? And were you seriously going to give your virginity to that idiot?” His eyes darken, and the vein in his neck vibrates under his skin. “Vaughan.” He scoffs. “What kind of a pussy name is that anyway?”
“Careful, Leo. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re jealous.” A giddy smile creeps over my mouth before I can stop it.
“Don’t be ridiculous. Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to even consider giving your virginity to anyone before you are married? Including Carlo. It would be so easy for him to discard you then. It would bring shame on your family, and you would be dishonored with no future. Things could turn violent and ugly. That’s the reality of the situation, Nat. Mateo doesn’t want that for you, and neither do I.” He exhales heavily, slanting me with concerned eyes. “I’m angry you were going to risk everything for that punk kid. He could never be worthy of you.”
I don’t want to talk about the potential danger or the risks of being with anyone else, because Leo will completely shut himself off to the idea of an us.
To hell with the rules and tradition.
Feeling brazen, I move in closer, and our chests brush. I plant my hands on his warm, hard chest, ignoring his little speech, redirecting the conversation where I want it to go. “As opposed to risking everything for aman?” I tilt my head back, peering deep into his eyes, as I stretch up on tiptoes, letting my hands glide upward to curl around his neck. My heart is pounding like crazy, and butterflies are running amok in my chest, but he doesn’t push me away like I expect him to.
His eyes drop to my mouth, and electricity surrounds us, crackling and potent and supercharged. Lust mixes with blood in my veins as he stares at me, as if in a daze, and it’s that, combined with a wild desire to change my destiny, that has me leaning up and pressing my lips to his ear. “For you?” I whisper before my lips glide across his prickly jawline and my mouth brushes against his. His body stiffens, and I can hardly think over the rushing of blood in my ears and thethud, thudof my heart crashing against my chest cavity.
Snaking my arms tighter around his neck, I slant my mouth more persuasively against his, willing him to kiss me back. His lemony scent wraps around me like a comfort blanket, and I silently urge him to let go of responsibility and give in to me as my lips move against his warm, immobile mouth.
Leo pushes my shoulders, staggering away, blinking profusely, as a look of horror washes over his face.
Immense pain sits on my chest, constricting my lungs and squeezing my heart to a pulp. Agony ties my insides into knots, and it feels like I could die. Rejection mixes with shame and a boatload of hurt at the thought he doesn’t feel what I feel. He doesn’t desire me the same way I desire him. Pain is an invisible knife shredding strips off the pathetic organ pumping blood through my veins.
“Natalia. No.” Leo shakes his head, rubbing a hand against his nape as his Adam’s apple jumps in his throat. “Didn’t anything Mateo said last night get through to you?!” he yells. “You can’t go around kissing other men!”
“You’re not just anyone, Leo.” I bridge the gap between us, because it seems there’s no end to my stupid bravery. I won’t give up on him until I know it’s completely futile. “You know how I feel about you. I know you do.”
Taking my arm as I reach for him, he tenderly clasps his fingers around my slender wrist, holding me off. “This isn’t happening, Nat. It can’t for all the reasons I already mentioned. And you’re like a little sister to me. It would be so wrong.”
That’s about the only thing he could say to get me to back off. No matter what I do, I am always relegated to the sister corner. Agonizing pain obliterates me from every angle, and I wish the ground could open up and swallow me. Refusing to let him see how truly devastated I am, I force my pain back down inside, steel my shoulders, and jut my chin up, leveling him with a deadly look as my injured pride overrides common sense. “I’m too sweet and innocent, is that it?” I shove at his shoulders. “I bet if I was like Nicole Chastain and I spread my legs and took it up the ass you would be beating a path to my door every night.”
“Jesus, Nat.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You need to stop eavesdropping.”
Aggravated and risking one final attempt, I make a split-second decision, yanking my dress up over my head and tossing it aside as I stand before him in a white lacy bra and panties set. Leo gasps, grabbing fistfuls of his hair as his eyes drink their fill.
“And I needyouto see me for who I really am.” My voice is calm, belying the trembling of my limbs as I lay it all on the line. “I’m not a little girl anymore, Leo.” I step toward him. “I’m all woman, and I want you. I want you to be the one to take my virginity. Not that monster. We can hide within the trees. No one will see us.”
Conflict wages in his eyes, but he’s struggling to tear them away from my heaving chest. My nipples are so hard they are poking through the flimsy material. The growing bulge in his black pants tells me he’s aroused too. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I allow a sliver of excitement to take hold of me. He’s not as immune as he’d like me to believe.
Thrusting my body flush against his, I peer up at him with hopeful, pleading eyes. “No one will know. It can be our secret. Please, Leo. Make love to me.” Swallowing nerves, I slide my hand down between our bodies, placing my palm over his erection through his pants. Oh my God. He is so big and hard and all man. His cock jerks against my hand, and liquid warmth floods my panties.
A second later, Leo stumbles back as if he’s been electrocuted. “Jesus, fuck, Natalia. Put your dress back on!” he snaps. “I’m not taking your virginity! Have you lost your goddamned mind?!” Dipping down, he snatches my dress, holding it out to me. His eyes blaze with a multitude of emotions. “Put that on before one of the guards see you. Your father has shot men for less.”
He turns around, wringing his hands at the back of his neck while I get dressed. Humiliation crashes over me, and tears prick my eyes. My lip wobbles, and I’m struggling not to cry. The most unimaginable pain lays siege to my body, as if some invisible force is ripping me apart from the inside out.
What the hell was I thinking throwing myself at him like this?
I’m so embarrassed.
He has made it clear he doesn’t want me, on more than one occasion recently. He continually rejects me, yet I continue to act like an immature fool. I basically offered myself to him on a platter, and he turned me down.
Hurt threads through me, tying me into knots.
“Are you done?” he asks, keeping his back to me.
“Yes.” I croak, almost choking over the painful lump blocking my throat.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back has got to be the most agonizing thing to endure.
