I move to walk off when Leo calls out. “Wait up,dolcezza.”
I briefly close my eyes as his dulcet tone wafts over me like a carnal breeze. Hearing his pet name for me brings a whole host of memories rushing to the surface, and just like that, my heart remembers.
Everything.
I am fooling myself if I think locking my feelings away changes anything.
I still love him.
I know I always will.
“Hey.” His voice is husky, his warm breath tickling my ear as I force my eyes open.
“Leo.” I do my best to keep my tone level, and I refuse to look directly at him. It hurts too much to do it.
“Is it true?”
I tilt my face up at his question. “Is what true?” It’s a miracle I get the words out. Being this close to him is too much. He looks so damn good. Smells good too. He’s like vintage wine that just gets better with age.
He is broader and more muscular, and he has new ink creeping up one side of his neck. He wears his hair shorter than he used to, but it’s still full on top and tight at the sides. It highlights the magnificent bone structure of his face, showcasing his sculpted jawline and the light coating of facial hair covering it. His gray-blue eyes penetrate mine, and I stop breathing. I could drown in his eyes and never regret it. His eyes are the entryway to his soul, and right now, I see every emotion he wants so desperately to hide.
“Don Accardi wants to marry you?” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as pain radiates from his eyes.
I shouldn’t be pleased to know he’s still hurting as much as I am, but it is good to know I’m not in this alone. That he has suffered through the years too. It helps to know it was real. Like it somehow ratifies my feelings and gives them substance.
Only a foolish woman continues to love a man who never truly loved her.
“Nothing has been formally said to me, but it appears that is the case.”
He closes his eyes, and tension fills the small gap between us. Pain fills every empty part of me, and intense sorrow replaces the blood flowing through my veins as I stand beside the love of my life, unable to touch him or tell him he is still the only one.
For a long time after Leo rejected me that night, I was angry and hurt and humiliated. I cursed him a million times over. Until I moved beyond it and I realized he did it to protect me. If we had had sex that night, it would’ve been tarnished with pain and regret. We were both grieving my brother’s loss, and it’s no wonder we sought comfort in one another. It never should have gotten as far as it did, and I’m glad he stopped it. I’m glad he stopped me from making an even bigger mistake.
“I miss you,” he whispers, slowly opening his eyes. Discreetly, he hooks his pinkie in mine, and my breath stutters in my throat. “I miss you so fucking much.”
Drawing strength from somewhere, I step away from him. “Don’t do this,” I whisper back. “Don’t undo years of progress.”
“Don’t bullshit me,dolcezza,” he snaps. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t been living half a life too!”
That pisses me off. I plant my hands on my hips and glare at him. “Don’t pull that crap on me, Leo. Do you think I don’t know what you and Ben get up to when you’re away on business or all those weekends when he staggers home reeking of booze and women?”
“Those women mean nothing to me, and there have been a lot less than you imagine. It’s only sex.”
My lips curl in disgust. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, newsflash, it doesn’t.” I prod my finger in his chest. “I haven’t slept with anyone. I haven’t been intimate with anyone since you.”
“I’m trying to forget you! To let you go! But nothing works.”
What the fuck? Does he expect me to give him a medal or something? God, I really fucking hate men sometimes.
He jams his finger in his temple. “You’re in here.” He slaps a hand over his heart. “And here.” Stepping toward me, he takes my hands in his. His wild eyes are frantic as they probe mine. “I love you, Nat. I can’t keep denying it. Run away with me. Let’s disappear off the face of the earth. Ben would cover for us. I know he would. We can be together.”
The words pour out of him, laced with pain and longing, and I can’t take it. I can’t let him ruin everything I have worked so hard to ignore. Yanking my hand from his warm palm, I shake my head. The pain in my heart is so intense I think I could be having a heart attack. It spreads across my chest, pressing down, making breathing almost impossible. I bend over, panting heavily, as I press my hands to my knees. “Why are you doing this?” I cry, even though I know the answer.
He drops to his knees on the gravel, placing his hands over mine. “I was too stupid and weak to do what I should’ve done three years ago. Nothing matters, Natalia, but you. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it, but don’t push me away.”
I straighten up, swiping at the hot tears coursing down my face. “I need you to leave me alone, Leo.” My voice comes out harsh. “I need you to go back to fucking your whores and leave me to my fate.” Raw pain shrouds his face, and I feel it alongside my own. It softens my edge a little. “There was a time I would have run away with you, but it’s too late, Leo.”
“It’s not.” Climbing to his feet, he takes my hands again. “I can’t go on like this without you. It feels like I’m dying inside.”
