As if.
I wonder if Papa knows me at all. Knows women at all.
Thank God for Ben. He convinced Papa to stick to the plan, assuring him NYU was all that was needed to help me to move forward with my life.
Things weren’t one-sided though. He needed me as much as I needed him. Ben leaned on me as he struggled to adjust to a completely different life, and I helped to prop him up. We became a solid team as we both navigated new waters, and I think I may have saved him, in the same way he saved me.
In the three years that have since passed, our relationship has continued to grow despite his long absences when he is away attending to business. Benny is learning the ropes from the ground up. As one of Papa’ssoldati, he is often gone for weeks on end.
In between, we spend as much time together as we can, and I love him.
Our relationship is very different from the one I had with Matty, and I try not to compare them. Often, I wonder what would have happened if Matty had known about Ben. I think he would have felt threatened. He may even have felt the need to eliminate his competition. A shudder works its way through me at the thought.
Leo was wary of Bennett at the start. His loyalty was tested when Papa asked him to take Ben under his wing and work closely with him to teach him everything he knew. But, over time, Benny won Leo over too. And now they are close. Perhaps even closer than he was with Mateo.
If that troubles him, I wouldn’t know because we rarely speak. Both of us go to huge extremes to avoid one another, and though my heart aches daily at the loss of him in my life, I know it has to be this way.
My phone pings with an incoming call, and I pick it up, smiling as Frankie’s gorgeous face stares at me from my screen. I accept her FaceTime call and sit up against my headboard to talk to my bestie. “Hey, babe! You look amazing. You’re all glowing and tanned and beautiful.” Behind her, the sky is the clearest blue, hovering over the lapping waves of the Aegean Sea.
She laughs, raising her hand to tuck a few flyaway strands of hair behind her ear. The pretty diamond on her ring finger glints and sparkles.
“I still can’t believe you are married,” I say, recalling her joyous happiness two weeks ago when she said I do.
“Me either. It all happened so fast.”
“It did, but it was meant to be.”
Frankie and Archer called it quits at the end of our freshman year at college. Frankie attends NYU with me—courtesy of my father’s generosity—and Archer is across the country playing ball for the California Golden Bears. The long-distance thing wasn’t working so they chose to end things amicably. She spent most of our sophomore year kissing random jocks and frat boys before she met Carlino Bianchi, at the start of our junior year, in a Manhattan club. Carlino took her home to meet his family, and the instant her eyes locked on his older brother Enrico, her heart was claimed.
Carlino was a little hurt at first when Frankie broke things off with him to date his brother, but as soon as he saw how enamored they were with one another, he found it in his heart to forgive her and to give them his blessing. It was a whirlwind romance and undoubtedly love at first sight. They were engaged within a month and married eight months later, literally one week after our junior year ended.
Frankie’s parents are over the moon she has found a nice Italian boy to settle down with. The Bianchis are part of the Maltesefamigliaand Rico is one of theirsoldati, which means Frankie is now an official mob wife. While I’m still unattached and there has been no formal marriage contract made with any of the men who have come asking.
I am due to start my senior year in two months, so I know my reprieve is ending soon, but I fully intend to enjoy my last summer of freedom without thinking of the fate that lies in wait for me. “How is Santorini, and are you seeing anything outside of the bedroom?” I tease, pulling my knees up to my chest.
“It’s not a huge island, so it’s perfect. It means I don’t feel too guilty for spending hours tangled between the sheets with my new husband.” Her face breaks out in a wide grin. “I still get such a thrill saying that!”
“I’m so happy you are happy. Enrico is a good man, and I know he will always take care of you the way you deserve.”
“I have to pinch myself sometimes to believe this is my life. I didn’t think it was possible to feel so much joy. To feel this alive. But he has opened my eyes to a world of passion and a level of happiness I didn’t think existed.”
A pang of longing jumps up and bites me. I don’t want to be envious of my friend because I am truly happy for her. But I remember the bursts of passion I experienced in my short relationship with Leo, and I know I won’t ever be lucky enough to feel the same again. I know my future will be different from my friend’s, and for a fleeting moment, I wish I could trade places with her.
The thought is gone as quickly as it enters my mind. I won’t begrudge my friend her happiness. “That’s all I have ever wanted for you, Frankie. You deserve it.”
Her smile fades a little as she leans forward into the screen. “You deserve it too, Nat, and I want that for you so badly.” Sorrow skates across her face, mirroring the expression on mine, no doubt.
“You know that’s not my fate, and I have made my peace with it.” That is largely true. After Mateo died and the night I almost gave my virginity to Leo, a part of me died inside. The part that was clinging to a futile dream. From then on, I embraced my destiny and my role in this world, and I shut down any other emotions. Even with Ben, and he is someone I confide a lot of things in. But he doesn’t know the truths hiding in my heart or that I once swore to rebel against a future I wanted no part of.
“I hurt for you,” Frankie admits, as a shadow looms behind her.
“Don’t.” I smile at my friend when her husband leans down to press a kiss to her neck from behind. “I am in a good place, Frankie. You shouldn’t expend energy worrying about me.”
I got to live my NYU dream, and it’s been one of the best experiences of my life. I have thrown myself into my studies and college life. I have friends, and we go out and have fun. I have even managed a few sneaky kisses with guys in nightclubs and at frat parties, but I don’t date and I haven’t had sex. What is the point in risking everything for a brief attachment with someone I can never have? So, I shield my heart and protect my virtue, and I have learned to accept this is the way it will always be.
“Hey, Nat.” Enrico’s handsome face fills the screen. “This one misses you a lot.”
I bark out a laugh. “Don’t lie to me, Rico. I know what you two have been up to,” I tease. “There has been no time for missing anything or anyone, and that is how it should be on your honeymoon.”
