“You sure?” Her hesitant tone speaks volumes.
“Yesss,” I stammer, rubbing a hand across the tightness in my chest. “If it gets to be too much, we can leave, but I want to stay.”
“Do your deep breathing,” she whispers, looking around to ensure no one is listening. “And I’m right here with you. You say the word and we’ll go.”
I nod as I inhale and exhale, focusing on feeling the motion deep in my belly, chasing the sensations, and using it to distract me from my growing anxiety.
After a couple of minutes, I’ve regained my composure.
But it doesn’t last long.
A stunning woman with long blonde hair calls for quiet, explaining the setup for today. As there are a lot of us, we don’t need to audition, she explains, and a layer of stress lifts off my shoulders. They will perform some background checks as part of the processing procedure, and everyone is asked to upload some recent photos on the casting app. The link is in the paperwork in the A4 envelope they gave everyone at registration. Then she invites the director onto the stage to talk about the show and the opportunities for those selected for the extras pool.
All the blood drains from my face as the director comes into view. My heart slams against my rib cage, and intense pain races through me. I almost choke on the nausea clogging the back of my throat.
His hair is different than I remember, not quite as long, more sleek and professional looking.
But it’s the same man.
As long as I live, I will never forget his face. Those piercing navy-blue eyes roam the crowd like a vulture looking for its next feed.
I duck my head as panic lashes me on all sides. I need to get out of here before he spots me. It should be relatively easy to do in a crowd of this size, but I’m fearful if I make a move that I will draw his attention. So, I’m forced to sit here and listen.
“Do you want to leave?” Kelly asks, noticing how I’m shivering, clutching my arms tightly around my middle as if that will hold me together.
I shake my head vigorously, not uttering a word and not lifting my head. I slowly rock back and forth, uncaring how those around me perceive me, willing the asshole to finish talking so I can get the hell out of here.
The crowd laughs at his pathetic carefully planned jokes while bile coats my mouth.
A few catcalls ring out as he unashamedly flirts with the unsuspecting audience, and blood rushes to my ears while I grip the edge of my seat tight, fighting the murderous urges rampaging through me.
It seems like it takes forever for the meeting to draw to a close, but when it does and everyone gets to their feet, giving the pervert a standing ovation, I grasp the opportunity, stumbling out of the room without uttering a word to Kelly.
I dash through the hallways of the five-star hotel, bumping into strangers in my panic to flee. Shouts chase me down the corridor, but I don’t hear them over the screaming in my head and the furious pounding of my heart.
I crash through the entrance doors, slumping against the wall, panic sucking all the air from my lungs as I struggle to breathe. The anxiety I was battling inside charges to the surface, and I bend over, expelling the contents of my stomach at the bellhop’s feet. My heart is beating so fast I fear I’m having a coronary, and I can’t pull enough oxygen into my lungs. I clasp on to Kelly when she appears at my side, shaking as tears cascade down my cheeks.
Flashbacks assault my mind, and I squeeze my eyes shut, crippled in pain, crying out and screaming. “No! No! No!”
Heated conversation carries on around me, but I don’t hear it. I can’t hear over the panic drowning my system, threatening to pull me under.
Kelly keeps a firm hold of me as she tries to lead me away, but my limbs won’t cooperate, and my legs give out. Todd jumps to the rescue and scoops me up into his arms before I slide to the pavement. My initial instinct is to scream and push him away, but my body is weak, my mind spiraling, and I cling to him instead, needing something solid to help keep me grounded because I’m floundering.
I’m being sucked back into the dark abyss.
My tears and cries dry up as a resigned sort of numbness overtakes me. I’m vaguely aware of being placed in the back seat of a car. Of Kelly talking to me, holding me, crying as I rock back and forth, shivering, barely holding myself together.
She cups my cheeks gently, turning my face to hers. “Selena, you’re scaring me. What happened back there? What’s going on? I’m so sorry I made you do that. This is all my fault.”
It’s not your fault. That one clear thought rings out in my mind, but I can’t force the words from my mouth. I can’t do anything but cling to the person I was becoming even as I’m dragged back to the girl I once was.
“We’ll stay,” Kelly says, helping me out of the car door. I glance up at the familiar sandstone building I call home. The brown painted double doors look the same. The stone porch with two potted plants residing on either side of the doors is as it was when I left earlier today.
The only thing that has changed since this morning is me.
I shake my head, gripping her arm tight as I experience a second moment of lucidity. I don’t want her to stay. She can’t help me. I need to process this myself, and I don’t want to ruin my best friend’s weekend plans. Although it’s only Thursday, they are planning on leaving tonight.
Kelly and Todd help me walk up the steps. My bestie takes my house keys from my bag and opens the front door. Todd talks in hushed tones into his cell.
