“Back then…” I trail off and exhale shakily. This isn’t easy. He pats my hand, silently communicating I should take my time. “I went out one night with a few friends and got a little tipsy. I’d driven there, but didn’t feel comfortable driving back. My other friends were drunk too. I didn’t want to call you because you had dinner with your brothers that night, and I knew it was important to you. So I asked Aaron to pick me up, and he said okay and brought me some water to help me sober up. I drank it and sort of passed out. I thought he’d drive me home, but when I woke up…” I put a hand over my mouth, then realize I can’t speak like this. I fold my legs, pulling them to my chest and hugging them like I’ll be safer this way. “I was naked…and Jude…Jude was on top of me.”
“Motherfucker.” Bryce’s voice shakes with suppressed rage.
I hold myself tighter, making myself smaller. “It hurt so much, but the worst part was that he made videos of it. And photos. He threatened to send them to Sherry, and I was so scared of being cast aside.” I press my forehead to a knee as hot tears fill my eyes. I don’t want Bryce to see them and pity me.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and holds me comfortingly. “If she’d cast you aside over those photos, she wouldn’t deserve to be your mother,” he says, his voice breaking.
I blink away the tears and lift my head. His eyes are bloodshot as he gazes at me with heartbreak. I realize his heart is hurting for the girl I was, and turn my hand in his to thread our fingers together. “I understand that now, but back then I was too terrified to think clearly. I never told you, but Sherry and Zachary weren’t the first couple to adopt me. There was another who took me in because they couldn’t have a baby of their own, but as soon as the wife got pregnant, they sent me back.” His fingers tighten. “So in college, although I was legally old enough to be an adult, emotionally I was still really young and immature. I wasn’t even sure if anybody would believe me if I went to the police. It’d have been my word against Jude’s, but you remember how it was. He was popular in college, in addition to being Aaron’s best friend. And Aaronwouldhave sided with him. He never liked me. He would’ve loved to show Zachary and Sherry that they’d made a mistake when they adopted me.”
“You were only nineteen.” Bryce looks shattered.
I cradle his cheek with my free hand. I wish I could spare him this pain. “I thought I was making the best choice. Jude really hated you. So when you were out studying, he made me take him to your place and staged the entire scene. He actually wanted to have sex with me there, but I told him I was on my period. That grossed him out, but he couldn’t let the chance to hurt you go to waste. So he made me fake it.”
“Son of a bitch. I should’ve murdered him,” Bryce seethes. “Whydidn’t you say something?” There’s no accusation in his voice, which only serves to make me want to cry for the lost girl I was and the boy who got hurt by the betrayal.
“I was too scared. At first, I was too ashamed at the possibility that you might see the videos and photos Jude took. Then later, I didn’t think you would be able to get over seeing me with Jude in your bed. I don’t know if I could have, if the situation had been reversed. And what if you didn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t the perfect girl you’d thought I was?” My voice grows hoarse with unshed tears and old pain. “You said I reminded you of that pretty, cheerful rose you saw, the one that made you forget you were upset. Would you have loved a rose that’d been trampled on?”
“Yes. It’s my rose. It’s my job to shower it with love and care until it can recover and bloom beautifully again.” His eyes grow damp with tears.
Regret wells up and almost chokes me. “I wish I’dknown. I was so desperate to be loved, I didn’t see that what I was doing only made you hate me. I thought you would despise me if you saw the videos and photos.”
“I didn’t give you the confidence.”
I shake my head. “No. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Bryce. You just happened to fall for a girl with too much insecurity.” I take a moment to gather myself, so I can finish the story. “Anyway… I couldn’t see a way out until Jude had that accident. It nearly killed him, and while he was in the coma, I used his fingerprints to get into his computer and phone and delete everything. Everything on his hard drive, the phone and in the cloud. The relief I felt…” I exhale shakily. “It was one of the most liberating moments in my life. I burst into tears. Couldn’t stop crying when I realized I was trulyfree, and Jude couldn’t control me or hurt me anymore using those videos and photos. I felt so, so safe. But I also had to leave L.A. I didn’t trust Aaron anymore. I had no evidence that he was involved, and Jude never mentioned it. But the more I thought about it, the stranger it seemed that I passed out and woke up with Jude that way. My gut told me things weren’t adding up.”
“I’m glad you listened to your instincts.”
“I also selfishly wanted a new start, although thatdidn’t go as well as planned. I was too scared to let anybody get close to me. I never wanted to experience that panic again. I never wanted toneedsomeone to love me, or to love anybody. Loving just hurt too much. But in some ways, being away was healing. I found a therapist who helped me get better. I meditated, read and thought about all the ways things could’ve been different. There were anonymous support groups for rape victims, and they helped me realize I was simply a victim and shouldn’t feel ashamed.”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you.”
I brush away the tear trickling down his cheek. “Don’t cry, Bryce. It was a long time ago. And I’m okay now. And we found each other again.”
His thumb swipes my cheek, and I realize I’m crying, too. “How can you say that? I was such an asshole—”
I put a finger over his mouth to stop him. “No. Didn’t you hear what I said? You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. You saw me forme. You made me realize for the first time that I might be lovable the way I was. You’re the one I never wanted to disappoint. I was crazy about you back then, and I’m crazy about you now.”
“Fiona…”
“I’m telling you I love you. So if you respond by telling me what an asshole you’ve been, I’m going to be heartbroken.”
His chin trembles. “Of course I love you. I love you more than life.”
I spread my arms. “Then hug me.”
He wraps his arms around me carefully. My tears drench his shirt, but I don’t hold back. I want to let it all out. Bryce doesn’t hide his heartache, either. As more of his tears soak my neck and shoulder, the old, throbbing pain in my heart seems to lessen until it’s just a dull ache, barely noticeable.
We hold each other for a long time, long enough for our tears to dry.
Chapter Forty-Three
Bryce
When I come out of Fiona’s room, Sherry is nowhere to be seen. My family must’ve driven her away. Good thing, even though part of me hungers for someone to vent my fury on. I don’t know what I’d do if she were here. Probably throttle her.
I recall her unannounced visit to my office. That bitch must’ve known something—and that Aaron was involved. No way she didn’t know.
My family comes over, taking in my teary face and growing worried.
