Therest of the afternoon was spent visiting local businesses to solicit donations.Ithad been a long time sinceIhadn’t chained myself to the desk during normal working hours, but it was good to get out and see people.Andoddly enough, most peopleItalked to brought up my comment about running for office and expressed their support.I’dbeen skeptical about anyone wanting to donate cash or gifts for the party, but by the timeIwalked out of the last office,Ihad collected over five hundred dollars.Asit turned out,Kevinwasn’t alone in feeling like we were failing the younger generations in town.
“Honey,I’mhome,”Icalled out asIwalked intoKevin’splace without knocking on the front door.Bartmade a halfhearted attempt to lift his head before going back to sleep.Hecertainly seemed more settled hanging out withKevinall day than he’d ever been staying with me whileIworked.Itried to not feel bad about that.Thehouse smelled amazing, and my stomach rumbled.Kevinappeared from the kitchen, a dish towel hanging from his belt loop.Iused that to pull him closer to me.Hesmiled asIclosed the distance between us, desperate for a kiss after a long day. “Wouldit make me sound like a total sap ifIsayImissed you today?”
Kevinhummed, his body relaxing against mine. “Ifyou are, thenIam too.Imight have gotten too used to having you in my space over the weekend.Igot bored this afternoon, soIworked on prepping some meals for the week.Ifyou want, there’s probably enough you can take some back to your place too.”
Thereminder that he’d be working the next few nights didn’t sit well with me.He’dexplained his routine, soIknew he’d nap a bit later this evening and then stay up all night so he could sleep during the day tomorrow.Thatmeant not feeling him curled against me whenIwoke up in the middle of the night.Nosleepy kisses.Nochance of waking up to the feeling of his lips around my dick the wayIhad this morning.Fuck,Iwas going to miss him.
“Comeand tell me how your day went whileIfinish dinner for tonight.”Apparently, tonight, we were having some sort of salmon dish with asparagus and rice on the side.Itwas a simple, easy dish to prepare.Hepoured two glasses of white wine and handed one to me. “Didthings go as poorly as you feared they would withCarson?Ifhe doesn’t want to help out,I’msure we can figure something out.”
“Oh, he’s definitely not thrilled, but he’s going to be our contact for the food.Billy’son top of spreading the word, both to the kids and their families.”He’dbeen the most excited about the idea, admitting it was something he’d considered but hadn’t had the bandwidth to take on.I’dnearly thumped him upside the head because he tended to shoulder the burdens ofHarmonyHousealone rather than ask anyone to assist him.Thenagain,Iwasn’t sureI’dbe much better if it wasn’t forKevinasking outright for me to take care of what he couldn’t. “I’mpretty sureIstopped at every last business in town that was open, and just about everyone donated something.Thedollar stores told me to grab a cart, so we have wrapping paper, decorations, and a few toys.Ididn’t get many toys, though, because a lot of what they had didn’t seem very well made.Idon’t want the kids thinking they’re some sort of afterthought.”
Therewere some pretty cool donations already, and most of whatI’dseen on the shelves of the two discount stores looked either like a cheap replica of more popular toys or like they would break beforeChristmasdinner was served.Withthe donations,IhopedKevinandIcould go up to the mall inPinevilleand shop together.Withhis charismatic personality, he could likely more than double the value of the money we’d received to make sure there were more than enough gifts for every kid.
Themain problemIsaw was that most of the kids who hung out atHarmonyHousewere teens, and they were notoriously difficult to shop for.IhopedKevinorBillyhad an idea of how to overcome that issue so every kid received something they liked.
“Awww, look at you getting into the holiday spirit,”Kevinteased.Imock glowered at him, not really as annoyed asImight have been even a week ago.
Iwas still trying to work out how to put a voice to whyIwas fully embracing the party, but so far, the only thingIcould come up with was that this felt like getting back to the best parts of the holiday season.Itwasn’t about how many church services or family dinners were attended.Ithad nothing to do with having the biggest and best lights display.Itwas about doing something nice for others, taking joy from knowing someone else would have a better day, that they would know some people cared for them no matter their circumstances.
Theconversation about the party soon faded, and we filled the rest of the meal by chatting about our plans for the week.Kevinwas headed over to his mom’s onThursdayafter work to see if he could convince her to put up her decorations this year.Fromthe sounds of it, that was something she did when he was little, but over the years, she’d given up on it.Hewas determined to help her see the parts of the holidays she used to enjoy and once again work on helping her heal the trauma from her past.Iwasn’t sure what all that entailed, butIadmired his dedication to keeping her from falling into a deeper depression.EverytimeIthought he couldn’t possibly get any more perfect, he found another way to show his kind heart and strength.
Itwas safe to sayIwas falling fast and scared shitless.Thesefeelings shouldn’t be like a light switch, flipping on as soon as we decided to talk—and then everything that had happened over the weekend.
IfKevinnoticed my internal struggle, he didn’t say anything about it.Weworked together to load the dishwasher, the same as every other night.IletBartout whileKevinran the prepped meals to the chest freezer in his basement, taking a moment to look over the raised garden beds that were now coated with snow.Barttreated every trip outside like an adventure, trying to find something new in the yard.Hetruly loved his time over here.Itwas crazy to thinkImight not be here if not for him.
Irelaxed againstKevin’schest whenIfelt strong arms wrap around my waist.Heplayed with the buttons on my shirt, not undoing them, just slipping his fingers in the gaps between, teasing my skin. “Youseem deep in thought over here.”
Ilet my head fall back, resting against the side of his, and closed my eyes. “Justthinking about howI’dnever have imagined my life being like it’s been this past week and scared thatIdon’t know how to make it last.”
“Nowwho’s the one overthinking things?”Hekissed the side of my head. “Iknow you like everything neatly planned out, but that’s not how life happens.Andyou’re not the only one who doesn’t want to let go of this.Thequestion is, how are we going to make sure neither of us screws things up again?Ididn’t like the way things were after the first night.”
“Meneither,”Iadmitted, knowing it’d mostly been my fault. “Promiseto keep me in check ifIget too deep inside my head?”
“It’sa deal.”OnceBartran back inside,Kevinintertwined his fingers with mine, leading me into the living room.Itwasn’t long before he fell asleep in my arms.AsIheld him,Irealized this was howIwanted to spend my life.Goodfood, the mutt, and a man who accepted me for the good and the bad.
16
KEVIN
Thepast fewweeks had been a whirlwind, oneIknew was my fault.WhenI’dmentioned the idea of doing a holiday party,I’dexpected to be shot down.Instead,Anson’sbrothers and friends had stepped up to the plate and the afternoon of the party had arrived.
He’drolled out of bed early this morning, kissing my forehead so he wouldn’t wake me.Littledid he realizeIwas already awake, but hoping to get a couple more hours of sleep once he left to start setting up the commons room atHarmonyHouseand supervise the last of the decorations going up.There’dbeen a steady shift in our relationship in such a short time.Itwas a bit mind-boggling.Hespent more time at my house than his own.Evenon the nightsIhad to work, he’d come over a bit before my alarm went off so he could start coffee and curl up next to me in bed.Itwas somethingI’dresigned myself to not having as long asIworked the graveyard shift, but nowIhopedInever had to go back to stumbling to the kitchen before taking a shower because the coffee always tasted better when he made it.Andfine, maybeIalso liked waking up to the feel of his arms around me.
“Hey, are you okay over there?”I’dstopped byMom’shouse withBartto see if she wanted to come to the party with me.Shewas doing better about getting out of the house, butIstill worried about her.Andapparently, she was doing the same, worrying about me.
“I’mfine,Mom,”Iassured her.Noway wasIgoing to tell herI’dbeen fretting.Shehad a new outlook on life, no doubt partly thanks toKeith’smore frequent presence at the house, and was embracing positivity with everything she had.She’dlikely tell me to quit borrowing trouble, butIwasn’t quite there yet.Therewas nothing but trouble on the horizon, no matter how things looked right now.
We’dboth been too busy between work and planning the party to examine what was happening between us.Sure, it was easy, but given the rocky start we’d had, it felttooeasy.Tooeffortless.Toogood to be true.Ansonwould eventually realize what a huge shift he’d gone through, and when that happened, both of us were bound to get hurt.Hewas the man who needed everything lined up perfectly and wanted to know what happened next.Itwas hard to trust that he wouldn’t wake up at some point after the chaos of the holiday season and end of the year passed and suddenly realize he’d let himself lose control.
“You’relying, butIwon’t push if you don’t want to talk about it.”Yeah,Iwasn’t so sureIbelieved that.Andmaybe part of me secretly wished she would push me into telling her about the messI’dgotten myself into.Shestood from the chair she’d been sitting in. “Isuppose if you’re going to drag me to a party,I’dbetter get myself fixed up.”
“Youlook fine as you are,”Iassured her.Seeingher caring about her appearance was another glimpse of the womanIremembered from when we’d first moved to town.Ofcourse back then, it had been fear of judgment keeping her from just walking out the door.Therewas a lightness about her now that said her motives weren’t the same as they used to be.Partof that likely had to do with the handyman who’d apparently taken over my job as her fix-it guy.
“No,IthinkI’dlike to put on something a bit more festive.”
Shewas already in her room, so there was nothing for me to do but sit and wait.Iflopped onto the couch, andBartcame to my side, resting his head on my knee as if sensingIneeded a bit of comfort.
“AmImaking a huge mistake, boy?”Hequirked his head to the side as if trying to figure out whatIwas going on about.Fromhis view, life had to look pretty damn good.Hewas more spoiled than ever, had twice the toys he used to have, a backyard he could explore until he tired himself out, and beds in both houses.Whatmore would a dog want?Therewas something to learn from the dog. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.I’moverthinking things again.”EventhoughIknew it wasn’t really possible,Icould have swornBartrolled his big puppy-dog eyes before nudging my knee. “We’reboth hopeless, aren’t we?”Hegave a soft bark in response to that.
