“Damn, way to show your age, old man,” he teased. “Dothey even make bridal magazines anymore?That’sso 1990s.”
“Oh,Isee how it’s going to be.”Thiswas better thanIcould have imagined.Icouldn’t be upset with his teasing me about my age because it felt more natural than any other interaction we’d had since he’d walked out my door. “Areyou going to let me finish now, or shouldIexpect color commentary the entire way through?”
Kevinmade a locking motion in front of his lips.Asif that would stop him.Kevinwas the type of guy who wanted to help lighten the mood when things were heavy.FromwhatI’dheard, it was part of what made him a good cop because he had a way of defusing tense situations.Hemade a swirling motion with his hand for me to continue.
“Thatnight, something just came over me.Youwere standing there, and for the first time ever, tasting you felt like a moral imperative.Icouldn’t have stopped myself unless you had stopped me.Ifyou’d shown any indication you weren’t into me,Iwould have respected that.”I’dlikely never know for certain, but now that he’d mentioned how my subconscious mind was far more aware than my conscious,Ifigured it was plausible thatI’dalso known he’d wanted that kiss as badly asIhad.OnethingIdidn’t do was take stupid risks, even ifIthought they were whenIwas obsessing over possibly losing a great friendship that was just starting to grow.
“We’llnever know what would have happened that night ifBarthadn’t interrupted us.”Kevinlaughed, then groaned at the reminder of my dog ruining the moment. “Asmuch shit asIgive him about being an idiot, he’s a smart boy.Maybehe knew it was too much, too fast.”
“Idon’t ever want to rush you.”Kevinbarely fit between the back of the seat and the steering wheel as he turned his entire body toward me.Hetook both of my hands in his, squeezing my fingers gently. “Ifthis is something you want to explore, we’ll do it at your pace.Andif you decide it’s not for you,Ipromise things won’t be awkward after as long as we remember to talk about what we’re feeling.Ifit helps, what you gave me that night was a gift.Ihad the biggest crush on you when you were in law school, butIwas just a kid.Honestly, you were a huge part of confirming my sexuality.”
Ilet out a heavy sigh when he finished speaking.Thatwas a ton to process.Mybrain kept tripping over him offering to go as slow asIneeded, then his admission that he’d had a crush on me.Icouldn’t wish he’d been part of me discovering my own sexuality because that would have been wrong on so many levels.Butit was different now.Right? “Ifeel like it should be weird to hear you telling me you were looking at me that way when you were younger, butIkind of like it.”
“It’snot likeIwas in elementary school or something.Trustme, it was nothing unusual for a fourteen-year-old.”Yeah, that wasn’t helping things at all.AtleastIwasn’t the only one stumbling.Iwished it wasn’t so dark in the car soIcould see if he was blushing.I’dbe willing to bet he was. “Buthow about we pick up your truck and the mutt, and then we can continue this conversation.”
“Thatsounds like the best ideaI’veheard all day.”AsKevinpulled back onto the road,Isettled into my seat, trying to ignore the riot of emotions swirling inside me.
13
ANSON
Kevindroppedme off at the back door of my parents’ house, then took off before anyone even noticed he was there.Thatwas probably for the best, butIwished he’d been there to give me an excuse to get out quickly.Asit turned out, my brothers wanted to take the opportunity to give me shit, even thoughIcould tell they weren’t actually upset about their plans being upended.
“Justso you know, we’re not doing that again atChristmas,”Carsongrumbled as he dished himself another piece of pecan pie with homemade vanilla ice cream.NoticingMomglaring at him, he quickly added, “Butit was pretty cool to visit with people.”
“Youdon’t have to pretend you had fun.”Carsonwas the biggest homebody of the bunch.Hepretty much went from work to home and back.Theonly exception was when he went out to the bars, which were nothing but a thinly veiled excuse to try and get his dick wet. “IknowKevinappreciated having the help.Hewas roped into it just like we were, but maybe we should consider helping out more.Youhave to admit they’d have been screwed if we weren’t there.Andit was just a few hours, not like we were there from sun up to sun down.”
“Fair.”IwavedCarsonoff when he offered me a beer.Iknew he was staying at the house tonight since the shop was closed tomorrow.Thatway he could get to work early putting up the decorations around the farm.I’dcome by at some point, but they all knewI’donly be working on whatIcould reach from solid ground. “So, are you going to tell us what’s happening between you andKevin?Thepair of you seem awfully friendly.”
Ifthings between us progressed from being friends who fooled around to something more,I’deventually have to come clean with my family.Butfor now,Ineeded to keep things close to my chest.Ididn’t want anything they said to influence my decisions, and if there was one thingIknew for certain, everyone would have their opinions about my love life.
“We’refriends, that’s it.”Evenif that might change in the next few hours, for the time being, it was the truth. “Hedoesn’t put up with my shit, but he also doesn’t insert himself where he doesn’t have any business being.”
Carsoncocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything for an agonizingly long time.Fine, so it was probably less than a minute, but he was the brotherImost had to worry about discovering my secret.DespiteBillybeing between the two of us in birth order, we’d been closer to one another than the others growing up.Iwas the one he came to when anything was bothering him, yetIcouldn’t bring myself to do the same.
Whenhe finally spoke, his tone was measured as he carefully chose his words. “Just…be careful.I’mpretty sure he has a thing for you, so if you don’t feel the same way, you need to make that very, very clear.He’sa nice guy, but he strikes me as the type who falls hard and fast.”
Ifonly he realized he could have been saying the same thing about me.Well, except for being a nice guy because that wasn’t something anyone used to describe me.Isqueezed his biceps reassuringly. “Don’tworry.Weare well aware of where things stand.Asmuch fun as this is,Ineed to get out of here.I’llbe lucky ifBartdoesn’t try gnawing off my arm on the drive home.”
Carsonhad wasted enough of my time thatI’dbe lucky ifKevinwas still awake whenIgot to his place.He’dsaid he’d leave the door unlocked for me, but that didn’t meanIwas going to bother him if he was sleeping.He’dlooked drained by the end of the day.ButIhad to swing by if for no other reason thanIdidn’t want him sleeping in a house that just anyone could walk into.
Sure, keep telling yourself that.
“Getthe beast home.”Carsongave me a playful shove toward the back door.Hepicked up the bag of leftoversMomhad packed for me, carrying it to the truck whileIgrabbedBart. “Getout of here beforeMomcomes out to guilt you into staying the night.”
“Thanks.I’lltry and be over by a little after noon tomorrow.”Igave him a one-armed hug.Withany luck, it would be a late night, andIdid have some things to take care of beforeIdrove out to the house.
Thedrive home did nothing to quell my nerves.Ifanything,Iwas more on edge with every passing mile.Theclock was counting down on life asIknew it.Iwas practically vibrating by the timeIpulled into the driveway.Thelights were still on inKevin’sliving room, whichItook as a good sign he was waiting for me.Asif sensing my struggle,Bartsat his ass down in the grass between the driveways.Ishould take him home so he couldn’t cockblock us again, butIdidn’t like the idea of leaving him home alone when he’d spent most of the afternoon by himself.Itmade me feel like a bad doggie dad.
“Ifyou’ve got cold feet, we can do this another night.”Ijumped atKevin’svoice ringing out from the shadows.Hestepped off his front porch, looking far more casual than earlier.Despitethe chill in the air, he was wearing aT-shirt and sweatpants, his feet bare as he crossed the driveway. “Sorry,Ididn’t mean to scare you.”
Iheld my breath as he stepped into my personal space, his hand resting on my hip. “Isthis okay with you?”
Maybeit was the late hour, or my brothers may have runBartragged in the yard playing fetch after they got home, but whatever the reason,Iwas grateful forBartthumping his tail against the grass as he stared at us, but not bothering to try and get in on the action.
ImirroredKevin’sposition, loving the feel of his narrow hip against my palm. “Thisis great, but it could be better.”
“Yeah?How’sthat?”Kevinobviously didn’t feel the same trepidationIdid at the thought of anyone driving past and catching us in the driveway.Myknees threatened to buckle when he pressed his lips to the corner of my jaw. “Iknow what would make the night perfect for me, butIwant to hear what you want.”
