Sheswatted his hand away.Hemight thinkIwas rude for not offering the same, butIknew better.Shewas a tough old bird, and if she needed help, she’d ask for it.Andwhen she got tired, she got feisty. “Howabout you get to clearing the tables off and let me get back to the kitchen.I’llsit down soon enough.”
“Itwouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you take a minute or two,”Isuggested.Noway in hell wouldKevinbe able to handle her on his own. “Noone’s going to think less of you if you rest.Everyoneelse sat down to eat, butI’dbe willing to bet you haven’t stopped going since you woke up this morning.YouknowWaylonwill get on my ass ifIlet you overdo it.”
Waylonhad always been protective of his mom, but even more so since he’d moved back toHarmonyGrove.Ithad been a tough pill to swallow when he realized her hairdresser, now his fiancé, knew more about her aches and pains than he did.
IknewI’dwon whenMs.Ruthsighed heavily, her shoulders slumping.Kevinmouthed a quickThankyouover the top of her head as he led her to a chair. “I’mgoing to get you something to drink.You’vebeen in the kitchen all day, so you’re likely dehydrated.”
Ifthe damp spot on his back was anything to go by, ithadbeen uncomfortably warm in the kitchen.AndWaylon’smom probably wasn’t the only one who hadn’t bothered stopping long enough to get a drink. “Whydon’t you get something for yourself too.Andthen you can keep her company while we break down the tables.”
Everyonebut my brothers was still there, and it was honestly a bit chaotic watching everyone stumble over one another, trying to stack chairs and carry tables back to the storage closet.Wecould get it done quicker if someone stepped up to coordinate the efforts, and then all of us could head out.
Irealized the flaw in my plan a short while later asIfollowed the rest of the volunteers to the parking lot.Therewas one vehicle conspicuously absent.WhileIknewKevinwouldn’t leave me stranded here, he’d been about to fall asleep while chatting withMs.Ruth.Ihated having to ask him to wait even longer to get home. “Shit.”
“What’swrong?”Kevin’seyes grew wide when he realized my plight.Eventhough we knewKevinneeded help delivering meals, it hadn’t made sense for everyone to drive their own vehicles.WhenMomandDadinvited me to ride with them,Ihadn’t thought anything of it.Now,Ineeded to get out to their place to get my truck and dog, preferably without anyone questioning me.Hejerked his head toward his car. “Comeon.Thesooner we get out of here, the soonerIcan get out of these shoes and put my feet up.Ihave no clue how those old women can do it without complaining.”
“Theywere raised in a time when it wasn’t acceptable for them to act anything less than joyful about doing what was viewed as women’s work,”Ipointed out.Itwas complete bullshit, but it was the way life used to be.Luckily, those views were dying over the years. “I’llguarantee every last one of them is in pain, but they still won’t show it.”
Thiswasn’t the conversationIwanted to be having, butIcouldn’t think of a good way to change the subject without things getting weird.Allday, we’d tap-danced around one another, avoiding any personal conversation other thanKevin’smom’s budding love life.Thathardly compared to me telling himIwanted a repeat of the other night because those first kisses had been life-altering.
Kevinwound up being the one to find his voice first. “Look,Idon’t want things to get weird, but the wayIsee it, they already are, so there’s not much to lose.”
Istiffened in my seat, knowing the first step was the apologyIowed him and an explanation. “That’son me.Ineed to apologize for howIacted the night you came over for dinner.Iwasn’t thinking and didn’t mean to?—”
“Don’tyou dare tell me you didn’t mean to kiss me or that it was a mistake.”Hisvoice was gravelly and cold.Itwas both unsettling and a turn-on.Asmany times asI’dthought about being in control of him, the steely glare he flashed as he pulled up to a stop sign had new images appearing in my mind. “Ifyou didn’t enjoy it, say that, but don’t insult both of us by implying you just couldn’t help yourself and did something completely out of character.”
Whilethat was exactly whatI’dbeen about to say, it sounded so much worse when he said it in that disgusted tone.Ifhe didn’t want to hear that explanation, what in the world wasIsupposed to say?
Maybeyou could just tell him the truth, you idiot.Ifyou do that, the rest won’t sound as bad as he thinks.
“Iwant to explain, butIneed you to hear whatIhave to say before you rush to judgment.”Thismoment felt more serious than any caseI’dlitigated before moving home.Beingso out of my depth on a personal level,Icalled on the confidence and strengthIonly felt in the courtroom.Ifthese were my opening arguments, what wouldIsay?Itbecame impossible to draw a breath as the seconds ticked by, waiting for his concession.
Thetension fled my body whenKevinrested a hand on my arm. “Breathe,Anson.I’msorry for sniping at you.OfcourseI’lllisten to what you have to say, but before you say anything, you need to knowIonly have one regret about that night.”
“What’sthat?”Mywords came out quieter thanI’dintended.Iwanted to be upset that he was insisting on going first, but at least thenI’dknow where his head was, andIcould address what he had to say rather than going into things blind.
Kevindidn’t try to speed up as we reached the edge of town, even though he could have.Therewere no longer any street lights intermittently shining on his face, giving me nonverbal hints as to what he was thinking.Beingin the country, the only light inside the car came from the instrument panel, which did nothing to help me.Still, he didn’t remove his hand from my forearm, soItook that as a positive sign.
“I’msorryIdidn’t approach you sooner to figure out what you were thinking,” he admitted.Hecleared his throat before he continued.Iglanced over and saw the hand on the steering wheel tapping a furious beat against the leather, the only indication he might be as nervous asIfelt. “Idon’t know as much asI’dlike about you, but what happened that night was out of character for you.Ican assume it wasn’t easy for you to make that move.Andfrom whatIdo know about you,Iknow you’re not a rash, impulsive man.Evenif you were confused by your actions,Ihave to believe that somewhere deep down, you kissed me because you wanted to.”
Hearinghow well he’d assessed the situation made me more emotional thanIthought possible.Everythinghe said was true, yet he described me better than people who had been around me my entire life could have.Itreaffirmed my decision to get through this conversation tonight.Whateverhappened, everything would be out in the open soon.
“Thankyou for that.”AsIrelaxed further,Irealized how muchI’dneeded to hear his observations beforeIexplained myself. “You’reright that it was out of character, but maybe not in the way you think.”
Thenext part was going to be the hardest for me to admit.Itwasn’t quite as nerve-wracking as it might have been beforeI’dtalked toWaylonandTeddylast night.God, it was hard to believe that hadn’t even been twenty-four hours ago. “I’vealways been the oddball in my family.LongbeforeIcould put my finger on whyIwasn’t like them,Ijust knewIwas.Noone was surprised whenDannycame out because he’d never talked about girls, only boys.Itwas hard for our dad when he was little becauseDaddidn’t know how to explain to him why he might struggle in school and why it might not be safe to talk about marrying boys, butDannyknew what he wanted and never wavered.
“Billy, well, he claimed to be straight even thoughIthink all of us knew there was something special between him andMichael,”Icontinued. “Therewere a lot of uncomfortable years between the timeMichaelwas datingDannyand everyone feeling like we should distance ourselves fromMichaelbecause of how things ended between them.”
Itmight have been a stalling tactic, butIwantedKevinto understand howIviewed my brothers and their relationships so he understood how isolatedI’dalways felt. “Carsonjust likes sex.We’venever talked about his sexuality because he’s never felt the need, and it’s not my place to question him.Butif you’ve ever been out withCarson, you wouldn’t question that he has no issues with his sexuality.”
Kevingave my arm a gentle squeeze. “That’sabout them.Tellme about yourself,Anson.Howwere you not like your brothers?”
“Tobe honest,Ireally don’t understand the big deal about sex.Inever have.Itmade things hard for me.”Aweight settled on my chest and the tension returned asIthought back to my college years, whenItried to force myself to be interested in women like my roommates were.Whenthat didn’t work,Ibriefly considered thatImight be gay likeDanny, butI’dnever felt any sort of arousal whenIlooked at men either. “Icould look at someone and objectively say they were good-looking or talk to someone and enjoy being around them, but it was never more than that.Overtime,Ithink that’s part of whyIdistanced myself from people.IfIwasn’t friends with people who weren’t safe in my mind becauseI’dknown them my entire life,Iwouldn’t have to deal with anyone asking questions.Ifno one asked questions,Iwouldn’t have to admit to them how frustrating it was that our world was so fucking obsessed with people pairing off and getting married when it was the last thingIenvisioned for my life.IfIwasn’t even attracted to people that way, how couldIeven fathom taking that next step.”
Kevinpulled the car to the side of the road as soon as there was a wider shoulder.Heturned to face me once the car was inPark. “Justso we’re perfectly clear,Iwasn’t thinking that kiss was a marriage proposal.”
Ifanyone else had reacted that way,Imight have been upset, butKevinwas simply trying to lighten the mood.Iappreciated it.IfwhatWaylonandTeddyhad explained to me was accurate, andIwas starting to believe they were right, it was a sign of the connectionKevinandIshared.Hehadn’t given up on me whenIwasn’t interested in friendship.He’dpushed me out of my comfort zone.Andnow, he was going out of his way to help me through a conversationInever dreamedI’dbe having.
“Thanksfor clarifying that.”Icouldn’t help but chuckle. “Ifyou hadn’t told me,I’dthink you’ve been sitting at home poring through wedding magazines, ripping out pages of things you like.”
