Tuesdayhad been the worst.Eventhough it had only been a few days spent hanging out together,Kevin’sabsence made me realize how muchIenjoyed having someone to talk to other than the dog.I’dwound up loadingBartinto the truck, and we’d gone to the lake for a long walk soIcould get away from my thoughts practically echoing off the walls of my empty house.
Afterthat, there’d been no time to think about anything because we were all busy preparing for theHarvestFestival.Mybrothers andIhad never asked to be involved, but it was expected of us nonetheless.MomandDadran the food stand forGroveUnityNetworkevery year, and we dutifully showed up to help them out.
Thiswas the first year we weren’t all headed to the park at the crack of dawn, but with good reason.BillyandMichaelwere finally all moved intoBilly’splace.Thelast repairs had been completed to make it suitable for their unexpected family of four.Dadhad called in some other volunteers to cover most of today so we could surprise the boys before heading to the park together.
Iheaded out to the farm first thing in the morning,Bartin the passenger seat as my co-pilot.Heloved spending time at my parents’ orBilly’splace because he could run all he wanted without getting in trouble.He’dyet to run far enough to worry us.Thatseemed to be something he saved for when he was in town.
Carsonwas already waiting at the front of the workshop with his truck backed up to the overhead door.Whenthe door opened, my jaw hit the floor.He’dsaid he was building a coop, but this was like a chicken mansion. “Michael’sgoing to lose his mind when we pull up with that, you know that, right?”
“Eh, he’ll get over it becauseHenrywill love it.Youshould have seen him andMomloading the first chicks into the car.Hewas practically vibrating afterMomtold him they were taking some of the babies out to their house.”Michael’sson was the very definition of spoiled rotten ever sinceMichaelandBillystarted dating.
Carsonmotioned for me to get into the bed of the truck so we could load up and get out toBilly’s.Icouldn’t wait to see the look onMichael’sface when he saw the chicks.Carsongrunted as he tilted the coop toward me and hefted the base off the ground. “Besides,youwere the one who wanted to get them fucking fainting goats.Notreally sure you have much room to talk in this case.”
Ihad been the one to suggest goats.Billyhad the perfect area for them, complete with an old shed that would make a great shelter for them when it got cold.ButBillyhad vetoed my idea, certainMichaelwould drop him like a bad habit if he stood by while we turned their land into a working farm withoutMichael’sconsent.Hewas probably right.Michaelwasn’t a bad guy, but he didn’t have the best sense of humor when it came to things like that.Andthings between him and the rest of the family were just getting to a good place.Ididn’t want to be the one screwing things up there.
Everyone’sreactions at the house were as expected.Billywas in seventh heaven as we set up the coop.HeandHenrybonded over the chicks, withBillyexplaining they weren’t just pets and that they came with a lot of responsibility.Henrycrossed his heart, promising he’d get up every day before school to take care of them.
We’dsee how long that lasted.
Itdidn’t take long before the shine wore off the coop, andHenrybegged us to hurry up so he could get to the festival.Apparently, he’d been promised a sundae fromShiloh’sstand.Thekid wasn’t a fool.Shilohwas a genius in the kitchen, and the thought of a hot cider donut topped with ice cream, caramel, and whipped cream had my mouth watering.
Everyoneloaded into the cars and headed to the park.Therewas no parking anywhere along the road into the park, but that didn’t stopDadfrom driving directly to the back side of the festival grounds.Hepulled in behind the public works shed, and we all followed suit.Thiswas where we always wound up when there wasn’t an open spot anywhere else becauseDadwas buddies with the boss.Atthe rate our family was growing, it wouldn’t be long beforeRaytold us we needed to find somewhere else to park.
Ifollowed the rest of the family to the festival area.Billy’sfoster son,James, was already somewhere in the crowd with his boyfriend,Theo.Itwas pretty damn cool to see how the teen had come into his own over the past couple of months.He’dgone from living in a house where he’d never be accepted for who he was to being part of a family who loved him unconditionally and only wanted the best for him.
ThinkingaboutJamesbrought back snippets of conversationsKevinandI’dhad over the past week.Iwasn’t sheltered enough to think everyone had a great childhood, but the idea a parent would stop loving their child if they were gay was so fucking foreign to me.Itwas unfair that something so disgusting could be a reality for anyone.AndIwas close to hating a manI’dnever met because he didn’t realize what an awesome manKevinhad grown into.
“Youokay?”Carsonbumped his shoulder against mine.
“Yeah,I’mgood,”Ipromised him.AndIwas.Mostly.Justconfused as hell.
Iknew my family had their assumptions about my sexuality.Enoughhints had been dropped over the years that it was impossible to remain clueless.Butthey were wrong.Therewas no reason for me to be in the closet ifIwas gay.Hell, at this point, being gay would be easy.Atleast then,I’dfeel like there was someoneIcould talk to.Butno, everyone else in the family figured out who they were when they were younger, andIwas on my own, trying to hide the factIwasn’t like them.
Icould appreciate someone’s good looks without a problem, regardless of their gender.Butthat was as far as it went.
Thatdidn’t meanIwas a forty-five-year-old virgin.Backin college,I’dtried to fit in.I’dgone to parties with my roommates, paid attention to women who approached me, and even followed a few of them home whenIwas invited.Butsex wasn’t some sort of imperative for me like it was for them.
“Dude, if you’re going to lie, try it on someone who’ll believe you,”Carsonscoffed.He’dalways been the most tuned in to my moods. “Ifyou need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“Yeah,Ido.”Ifand when the time came,Carsonwas the only oneItrusted to not tell meIwas getting in my own way.Icouldn’t be certain, butIthoughtIrecognized a bit of the same longing in his gaze when we went to bars.Hewas much more willing to go home with any woman who gave him the green light, but he never seemed truly content. “Doyou ever get sick of seeing everyone around us falling in love and settling down?”
“Nah, that’s not somethingIwant in life.”WhenBillyandDannysplit off with their partners andHenryto get sundaes, we followedMomandDadtoward the festival tent.Therewas no reason for everyone to wait in the chaotic line for baked goods as if they couldn’t visit the bakery onMainStreetany day of the week.Itwas crazy to think this very weekend two years ago led to the shy baker getting together with my friend,Teddy, who had insisted he was done with love after his longtime partner bailed on him.Theonly thing worse than being gay and falling in love in a small town had to be how some people had delighted in their failed marriage.
Sometimes, it felt like no matter how hard we worked to proveHarmonyGrovewas a welcoming place for all, there would always be that obnoxiously loud minority who thought it was their calling in life to dictate what others did in the privacy of their own home.Becauseit wasn’t about being seen in public at all.Theworst of the bigots would have anyone who wasn’t straight run out of town if they could, even if they never showed any public displays of affection.
Wefound an empty picnic table and claimed it for the family.Carsonducked away to get beer tickets, a sure sign he planned on being here late into the night.I’dhave to remember to get his keys sinceI’dridden into town with him.Ihad to get back toMomandDad’sto pick upBartat some point.Hewas living his best life in one of the fenced-in areas, but eventually, he’d start howling for me to rescue him.
Thehairs on the back of my neck stood on end, andIstarted scanning the crowd for any signs of trouble.Icouldn’t put my finger on what had me suddenly unsettled, but something was definitely off.IsawKevinin the distance, chatting with the other officers patrolling the park.Hejerked his head and the corner of his mouth tipped up in a silent hello.Ioffered him a two-fingered wave around the top of my beer cup, not wanting my brothers to pick up on the fact we were getting friendlier.Ifthey knew, they’d assume something was going on between us when there wasn’t.
Theguys returned with cardboard trays piled with sundaes for all.Theapple cider donuts were the highlight ofShiloh’sbakery this time of year.Thecider came from a local orchard, and the recipe had apparently been handed down through generations.Henrycarefully picked each sundae out of the tray and served them.Whenhe put one in front of me,Icouldn’t resist messing up his curly blond hair. “Thanks, little man.”
“I’mnot little,” he insisted. “I’msix.DaddysaysI’ma big boy now.”
Iglanced over his head to seeBillystifling his amusement.Hemight not beHenry’sdaddy, butIdidn’t think it would be long before he earned some sort of honorific from the little boy.Therewas zero doubt that part ofHenry’srecent independent and stubborn streak came from my brother’s influence. “You’reabsolutely right.Willyou forgive me ifItake you to play some games later?”
“It’sokay,UncleAnson.”Hepatted my arm as if he thoughtIwas honestly upset about misspeaking. “Weall make mistakes sometimes.Youcan do better next time.”
Iwrapped my arm around him and gave him a quick hug. “Thanks, pal.Justfor that, we’ll definitely go play games as soon as you’re done with your sundae.Deal?”
