CARSON
My heart racedas I opened the door for Ezra. The twinkling lights illuminated my otherwise dark apartment, and I watched with anticipation as his face lit up in disbelief. The small artificial tree looked absurd in the corner of my living room, dwarfed by the presents neatly arranged beneath its branches. I felt a swell of pride knowing I had done it all for him. I held my breath as he took in the Christmas explosion, waiting and wondering if he’d understand the symbolism of the gesture.
His eyes widened, and he turned to me, almost speechless.
“Surprise,” I said with a grin.
“This is…” He spun around slowly, trying to take it all in. I reached for his wool coat, hanging it over the back of a chair.
“I know it’s a bit much, but I did this for us,” I explained. “You made me see what I was missing, and I wanted to bring a bit of that here because I’m hoping maybe we’ll split our time between our places from now on.”
“You didn’t have to do this,” Ezra said, still taking in the decorations and presents I had set up around the room.
I pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him as I slipped a hand around to the small of his back. I fucking loved the way his body melted against mine whenever I held him like this. I leaned forward until my nose brushed against his, and he shivered.
“You’re so fucking wrong. This isn’t nearly enough, but it was the only thing I could do last night.” I led him to the tree, my heart swelling as he carefully inspected each of the cookie ornaments adorning the branches. “I was standing in the middle of the Christmas section wallowing because I wished you were there, and then Rodney spotted me. He basically told me to pull my head out of my ass, and it felt like a sign. This is the start for us, Ezra, and I’m hoping we’ll keep adding to the tree for years to come because this is our season now.”
There was no hiding the yawn as he buried his face against my chest again. “Sorry. Tired. I can’t believe you did this for me.”
I wasn’t sure which of us loved it more when he plastered his body to mine as if seeking comfort from me. “Come on, sweetheart. It’s time for a nap before your big night.”
“It’s your party,” he protested as I led him to the bedroom. “I’m just serving the food.”
“You’re so wrong about that.” I rushed across the room, grabbing him a pair of sweatpants. They’d be ridiculously big on him, but better than nothing. I tossed them onto the bed and kept my back turned while he got comfortable. As desperate as I was to lay eyes and hands on every inch of his bare skin, I didn’t trust myself to keep my promise to wait until later.
I pulled back the quilt on my bed, holding his hand as he climbed in. I hadn’t expected him to turn and wrap his arm around my waist before I could step away, but I didn’t try to remove it either. Instead, I gently kissed his forehead and stroked his cheek before tucking him in properly with a whispered, “Sleep tight.”
“Aren’t you going to stay with me?”
I nearly caved at the pleading tone in his voice and the raw need in his eyes. Instead of giving in, I slipped his glasses off his face, placing them on the nightstand beside him. “Not right now, but I won’t be far. I’m going to stay up to make sure we get out of here on time. Do you want me to run to your place for a change of clothes while you rest?”
“Please,” he responded sleepily, already drifting off. He mumbled something unintelligible after that, his eyes fluttering slightly as sleep quickly claimed him. He looked peaceful and content nestled against the pillows, blanket drawn up snugly beneath his chin.
I brushed a few strands of hair off Ezra’s forehead as he snuggled even deeper into the bedding. For a moment, I just stood there, marveling at how suddenly this man had become such a big part of my life. It was hard to believe things had changed so drastically in the not even two short months since we’d met—from strangers to partners—but whoever said change was bad had never felt this kind of love and satisfaction when they were close enough to touch someone they cared about like this.
I allowed myself one final look before quietly retreating from the room with a smile. After grabbing the keys to his apartment out of his coat, I quickly scribbled a note letting Ezra know I’d be back as quick as I could. Even though I’d told him I was going to grab a change of clothes for him, I didn’t trust he’d remember if he woke up while I was gone. I hated how exhausted he was from the preparations for the Christmas party.
Once in the car, I decided it was time to make a phone call. My mom picked up on the first ring, which was almost unheard of for her. Most of the time, we had to call, leave a message, and wait for her to realize her phone was in her purse or on the kitchen counter. “Hey, sweetie. Is everything okay? Do you need me to come down to the center early to help with set up?”
Mom had been itching to get her hands on the party since Anson had first told her about it. While we would have welcomed her help, it would have likely turned into a full-blown holiday festival that closed down Main Street, featured carolers, and a huge Christmas market. I imagined what something like that could look like as I approached the center of town and realized I didn’t hate the idea as much as I thought I would. Maybe it was something to talk to Billy and Michael about for next year. There was no way we’d have been able to pull off something like that in a month.
“No, Mom. We’re all good,” I reassured her. “I was down there this morning to check the decorations, and Billy’s running up to Pineville right now to grab gift cards and the presents families suggested for the kids who are coming.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! I wasn’t aware you boys were going all out.” I cringed at the hurt in her voice. Yeah, we’d screwed up by not asking her to do something. We’d have to get her input for next year, but I was looking forward to seeing her face when she and Dad walked through the doors later.
“We weren’t,” I explained. I turned into Ezra’s parking lot and parked in his assigned spot since his car was at the bakery still. We’d have to figure out how to get it to one of our places later. “Kevin thought it would be a nice addition. We have the giving tree set up, but a lot of people still struggle even if they don’t qualify for community assistance.”
“That’s awfully thoughtful of him.” I turned off the engine as she rambled about what a good boy Kevin was and how she hoped he found someone because it was horrible that he was all alone in the house he’d bought when he moved to town.
I wasn’t sure where the woman got her information, and I wasn’t going to ask. The gossip mill was truly alive in Harmony Grove. I also didn’t tell her about my suspicions that Kevin didn’t need to find anyone because I was pretty sure he and Anson were failing miserably at keeping whatever was between them a secret from everyone but our parents.
It only took a minute for the cold outside to seep into the cab of the truck. The snow was falling fast but melting as soon as it hit the still-warm windshield. The more time I spent chatting with her, the more likely it was Ezra would wake before I got back. “Listen, Mom, I have to get going. I still have a few errands to run before heading over to Harmony House. Call me when you get there, and I’ll move the truck so you and Dad can park close.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she scoffed, even though she was wrong. Her hips and knees had been bothering her, and there was no way in hell I was keeping a parking spot close to the building while they had to walk a block or more through the snow. She let out a wistful sigh. “You’re a good boy, Carson. And I’m glad you’ve found someone who makes you happy. It’s good to have my boy back.”
I felt a flush creeping up my face. At least she wasn’t embarrassing me in front of Ezra and my brothers. “Thanks, Mom. I really am happy. Now, I just have to make sure I don’t fu—mess up. I’m not great at relationships.”
“That’s only because you never gave them a chance. You have the biggest heart of all my boys, but it’s also the most tender.” I slumped back in the seat and closed my eyes, worried she was about to take a trip down memory lane that I wouldn’t be able to escape. I’d heard this speech from her so many times in the past, but this was the first time I hoped she was right. Ezra deserved the world, and I still struggled with being enough for him.
