My hands were firm on the wheel, seeking some control over the chaos of emotions within. Because he hadn’t been willing to talk about whatever was bothering him, there was still a chance all this was for nothing. Ezra may have simply changed his mind, realized I was too damned much work, or that he wanted to focus on the explosion of business the bakery was already seeing. My heart clenched, wondering if I was an idiot to think some cute little ornaments would do a damned thing.
Stepping through the doorway into my apartment, the space felt hollow, almost alien, without Ezra’s presence. He should be here with me. I’d wanted to shop together for the decorations for Harmony House and gifts for the kids. Tonight, I’d been prepared to ask him to spend the night with me for the first time. Instead, I was trying to figure out how to salvage the best fucking thing I’d ever had.
The stillness seemed to echo back my unease and the void where his voice should have resonated within the walls. I missed the warmth he brought into every room, a contrast to the cool, impersonal air that now greeted me.
The soft rustle of the ornament bag was the only sound as I set it down, the delicate decorations inside crafted of felt and fabric, materials that absorbed sound as much as the night outside absorbed light. They were quiet, much like this evening felt—subdued and introspective.
I assembled the tree I’d bought on a whim, its presence in my living space both a first and a commitment. The artificial branches felt strange and new under my hands as I worked to give them life, spreading them out to mimic the fullness of the real thing. It struck me then—the significance of this act—it was a foundation, a beginning, something I hoped Ezra and I could do together in the years to come.
As I wound the string of lights through the branches, their soft glow began to infuse the room with a tentative cheer. This act of decorating, which had always seemed unnecessary, now took on a new meaning—it was a beacon, a signal to Ezra that I was here, that I was waiting and willing to bridge the gap between us.
Hanging the few ornaments I had, each a symbol of Ezra’s craft, I allowed myself a moment of reflection. The tree was sparse this year, but it was a promise to Ezra and me. By next Christmas, I hoped we’d be choosing decorations together, building our own traditions. This tree was a testament to that hope, a belief in the strength of what we were creating.
The apartment, once stark and uninviting, began to soften around the edges, the glow from the tree casting long, dancing shadows against the walls. It was a solitary endeavor this year, but it was also a statement of intent. I was laying the groundwork for a future I suddenly wanted more than anything.
Settling onto the couch, I let the gentle light wash over me, a solitary vigil in the quiet night. The simple act of setting up a tree had turned into something more, something profound—a night of quiet determination and the silent forging of a path forward.
Tomorrow, I would invite Ezra here, to this place that was now ready for him. I would show him this tree, sparse as it was, and let him know that it—and I—were waiting for his touch, his presence. And together, we would fill in the empty spaces, not just on the branches, but in our lives. This was the start of something enduring, and I was ready to take that leap.
20
EZRA
After frantic weeks of planning,the big day had finally arrived. It was too bad I wasn’t able to enjoy the frenzied excitement as much as I would have liked. While Emma chattered incessantly about how cool the Christmas party was going to be, my own mind rattled with the potential fallout after last night.
Eventually, Carson would get tired of my hot-and-cold routine. I wasn’t a sports person, but even I could understand the concept of three strikes being all a person got. A hollow pit formed in my stomach as I realized I was one strike away from losing him, and my own insecurities weren’t the partner I wanted in my life.
“Hey, you feeling okay today?” Lacey asked. She even went so far as to press the back of her hand against my forehead. “I thought you’d be bouncing off the walls.”
“I have a lot on my mind,” I admitted. She’d been a lifesaver as I’d navigated my first-ever relationship. I pressed my hands to my cheeks, hating how even my own thoughts could be enough to make me blush. A man my age shouldn’t be a novice, but she’d never given me a hard time after I admitted how out of my league I felt. I wasn’t ready to talk about last night, not even with her or Shiloh, and definitely not when the kids were around. The way they loved to gossip, I felt certain they’d get word up to Harmony House about what a dolt I was. “I feel like tonight is a make-or-break moment, so I’m going over all my lists to make sure we aren’t forgetting anything.”
Lacey placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be fine. You need to remember they came to us because they love what you and Shiloh do. There’s nothing to prove to anyone. My biggest fear is it’s going to lead to even more business, and Shiloh’s going to start talking about buying the lot behind us so he can expand again.”
She meant to be reassuring, but I felt queasy as I considered Shiloh might be hoping for that level of success. The weight on my shoulders was almost enough to crumple me.
“Okay, it’s time for you to take a break.” Lacey grabbed me by the elbow, leading me to the break area. “Are you sure you’re not sick? You just got white as a sack of bleached flour. Do you need to go home and rest so you’re fresh for tonight?”
Even if I had been sick as a dog, that wasn’t feasible. Shiloh and Teddy were coming in to help after they made a run for plates, napkins, and all the other paper goods we’d need because the numbers for the party kept going up. It was turning out to be the event of the season for Harmony Grove. I slumped back on the lumpy couch, allowing myself a few moments of peace before returning to the ovens and checklists. Luckily, everything from the original order was prepped and ready to bake, and Jude had suggested a few simple add-on appetizers while Emma worked on some cupcakes.
“I’m good, Lacey. I promise.” She handed me a glass of water. If relationships were this distracting, maybe I wasn’t cut out for one. I had a tendency to hyperfixate, and today, the object of my attention was the man I’d give just about anything to spend the night with. Recently, I’d found myself stroking the other side of the bed, wondering what it would feel like to rest my head on his broad chest as we drifted off to sleep. My libido stirred as visions of him rubbing my back as we came down from a stellar round of orgasms flashed through my mind.
Tonight. I needed to talk to him tonight. I couldn’t let my fears continue getting the best of me. I couldn’t let my insecurity chase off the man I was now certain I was completely in love with. It didn’t matter that I’d never been in love before. What I felt for Carson was lightyears beyond anything I’d felt for anyone else, and that was how I knew this was love.
All I had to do was get through the next five hours of prep, followed by three hours at Harmony House, and then I’d beg him to give me another chance.
* * *
“That looks like everything,”Shiloh announced as we trayed the last of the spinach and feta pinwheels. While we’d worked on a few of the dishes that couldn’t be made and stored earlier in the week, Jude and Emma had worked on cleaning up the kitchen. “Ezra, I want you to head out for a while. Jude, Emma, thank you for all your help this week. I’ll send you both a message about the hours for next week. Lacey, if you want to shut down early today, I’m not opposed.”
“I don’t need to take off,” I protested. Shiloh trusted me with this party, which meant I needed to be here. It was what a responsible employee would do.
“You do because it’s going to be a kick-ass night,” he countered. “You’re going to be the face of Shiloh’s at that party. Teddy and I will handle baking the first round while you’re gone, and I’ll send him up there with it at three. Since there’s not a kitchen at Harmony House, I figured the two of us will handle baking and delivery while you work your magic. And maybe you can sneak away for a kiss under the mistletoe with your sexy mechanic.”
“Yeah, doubt that’s going to happen,” I muttered under my breath.
Dang it. That was supposed to stay inside my head.
“Did things not work out between the two of you? Shit, Ez, I’m sorry. Do I need to send Teddy over to kick his ass for you?” Shiloh scowled, and I could imagine him storming up to his burly partner, insisting Teddy beat up the man who hurt me. Except, I was that man. Maybe Teddy should cuff me upside the head for being such an idiot. I swallowed hard, hating the idea that I might have caused Carson pain in my attempt to protect my own heart. Something must have shown in my body language because the next thing I knew, Shiloh pulled me into a fierce hug. “Oh, honey, you know you can talk to me. And I really hope you also know that you deserve to be happy. You deserve him. He might come across as a bit of a jerk, but that’s so no one sees his squishy center.”
