As soon aswe were done storing the last menu items for the party, Shiloh shoved me out of the kitchen, telling me he’d finish up with the high school students helping us out. They were good kids, and I really hoped we’d be able to keep them busy enough they didn’t leave. Jude was a natural at baking, but his inability to deviate from the recipes made it more difficult for him to work on the appetizers. Emma, on the other hand, was a quick study at altering the spices so a dish tasted just right.
“Are the two of you going to be here in the morning?” I asked as I cleaned up my workstation. Shiloh had offered to take care of it so I could relax for a bit, but I wanted to model good habits for the teens. It wouldn’t do any good if they started assuming someone else would come behind to clean up after them.
“I have play practice in the morning,” Jude admitted. The crestfallen expression on his face seemed out of place from the little I’d gotten to know about him. His shoulders slumped, and it may have been my imagination, but he seemed to be closing himself off from us.
“Hey, that’s cool. You said you’re doing sound crew, right?” He nodded as he traced a finger through the flour dust still coating the table. My heart ached when I realized what I was witnessing. I felt his pain because I saw a bit of myself in him. This wasn’t a kid who thought what he was doing was stupid. He just wasn’t used to anyone taking an interest in his passions. “When does the play open? I’d love to be there on opening night.”
“You don’t have to.”
“No, but I’d like to be.” I gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. I’d have wrapped my arms around him in a hug, but I was pretty sure that was a huge faux pas since he was a minor. “It’s been a long time since I saw a play live. Maybe I’ll even drag Carson along with me.”
Jude’s eyes went wide. “Now I know you’re bullshitting me. There’s no way he’d want to sit through our play.”
“Dead serious,” I responded. Carson might not be the first in line at the box office, but the squishy heart he kept hidden under those muscles and flannel would probably go along with my suggestion. He’d confessed to me earlier this week that he felt bad about convincing himself he didn’t need to do anything as long as he helped Harmony House financially. Since then, we’d talked a fair bit about what it meant to be committed to the future of Harmony Grove rather than just involved. “So tell me when, and we’ll be there.”
That earned me a shy smile from the teen. He started asking more questions about the desserts we’d be offering at the party, about the upcoming catering orders, and what I did in a more general sense. If he continued showing this same level of interest and attention to detail, it wouldn’t be long before he challenged me to up my own game.
Working together, it didn’t take us long to finish cleaning up. We’d picked up my car after work last night, but it seemed both of us liked riding in together. When I’d gone out to start my car this morning, Carson had been sitting in his truck waiting for me. As sweet as the gesture had been this morning, now I was without my own way to go anywhere. I bundled up and offered a quick, silent thanks that the sidewalks were clear and the winds were calm.
Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined I’d have the opportunity to spend the entire day baking recipes I’d tweaked and perfected before walking up Main Street to visit my boyfriend while he and his family worked to decorate for the biggest Christmas party Harmony Grove had seen in years. There were still moments when I expected to wake up, realizing this had all been a dream.
The main hall of the youth center was glitter and light-covered chaos when I walked in. Billy and his family were working on decorating the tree while a few of the teens were gathered on the floor discussing how to best lay out the model train tracks. I would have expected them to look down on something so childlike, but they were animated and every last one had definite opinions.
As I was about to join the bustling crowd, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I glanced at the screen, my heart sinking. It was Mom. Every bit of exuberance I’d felt moments before vanished the second I saw her name. Taking a deep breath, I stepped outside, bracing myself for the conversation.
“Hi, Mom,” I greeted, my voice steady despite the churn of emotions inside. I should be relieved she was only calling rather than marching into Shiloh’s to express her concerns for my soul. It seemed that was the only thing she ever wanted to talk about lately.
“Ezra,” she began, her tone heavy with that familiar disapproval. “I heard you’re…involved with a man.”
I clenched my jaw, feeling the old familiar pain. “Yes, Mom, I am. Carson is important to me.”
“Seriously, I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” she continued. I braced myself against the wall, willing myself to be strong this time. She wasn’t going to ruin the best thing to ever come my way. I was happy for a change. “That man isn’t even a homosexual, did you know that? I’m not sure what you’re trying to prove, but this isn’t the way.”
“You’re right, he’s not gay, Mom. He’s bisexual. That means his heart is big enough to care for another person regardless of whether they’re male or female.” A lump formed in my throat, and I flinched, expecting her to lash out at me. Maybe it wasn’t my place to share Carson’s personal business, but I also wasn’t about to let her diminish what was growing between us.
There was an agonizing pause, and when she spoke again, her words were laced with that same old hope that cut deeper each time. “Ezra, you know this is nothing more than a phase. You need to come back to your senses, to your faith.”
The words stung, reinforcing every doubt and fear I’d been wrestling with. “Mom, it’s not a phase. This is who I am.”
“I know you think that, but someday, you’ll see.” I rolled my eyes. She’d been telling me for more than a decade that I just needed to meet the right girl—a God-fearing girl—and I’d give up on this foolishness. I tuned out her speech, having memorized it sometime around my sophomore year of college. The sound of Carson’s name brought my attention back to her. “…even if you continue on this path of depravity, you can’t seriously believe he’ll be content lying with a man. I pray for Eleanor and Randall every day. I can’t even imagine the pain of knowing what’s in store for you. It has to be like a knife to poor Eleanor’s heart every time another of her son’s immorality is exposed. Carson will want to give her grandchildren someday.”
“She already has grandkids, Mom.” I let out a heavy sigh, uncertain why I was even trying to argue with her. Eleanor couldn’t love Henry and James more than she already did, even if they were her flesh and blood. “And while I don’t expect you to welcome Carson into your home with open arms, I won’t sit here while you talk bad about him. He makes me happy, and perhaps you could learn a thing or two about unconditional love from Eleanor Langsford.”
“People don’t change at the drop of a hat just because they meet someone. The person you first meet is the version of them you should trust. Honestly, Ezra, I don’t understand how you can’t see his personality change as a glaring red flag.” Her sigh was heavy, filled with a sorrow that seemed to come from a place of love, however misguided. “We’re praying for you, Ezra. We love you, but we can’t support this path you’ve chosen. If you insist on flaunting yourrelationshiparound town, your father and I will have to discuss what that means moving forward. I was hoping you’d join us for Christmas services, but…”
No matter how upset I was about her words, the sobs on the other end of the call tore my heart in two. The only way I could please them was to deny who I was, and that was no longer a possibility.
The line clicked dead, leaving me staring at the phone, a mix of anger, sadness, and an aching sense of isolation swirling within me. It was a stark reminder of the divide between the world I was building with Carson and the one I had left behind.
With a heavy heart, I pocketed my phone and walked back inside, the cheerful chaos now seeming miles away from the cold loneliness I felt.
Carson. I needed to get to him, and he’d make everything better.
But what if your mom’s right? What if this is just a game to him?
No, Carson’s never been anything but sweet. Quit letting her get into your head.
I was just about to approach Carson after spotting him in the side dining room when something stopped me in my tracks. The tension between him and Anson was almost palpable.
