“You do?” I blinked rapidly, finding myself at a loss for words.
“Yeah, it’s scary to put yourself out there, especially if you’ve had bad experiences in the past.” Carson was doing a better job explaining the spiral my mind had gone down than I could. “And for what it’s worth, I’m not upset with you about what happened last night. I think we both could have done things differently. Would it be possible to cash in that raincheck? Maybe I could pick you up after work tonight and take you on a proper date?”
“I’m actually not working today,” I told him. “I had this whole thing planned out. I was going to go to the store and do some cooking so I could get my thoughts together, and then I was going to bring you lunch and ask you to look at my car. The food wasn’t going to be a bribe or anything to have you fix it or anything. I was just doing that because I wanted to apologize for last night, and you seem to like food.”
Carson threw his head back as he laughed. “You’re right. I do like food. But if you keep feeding me, none of my clothes are going to fit, and I really, really hate shopping.”
“More than you don’t like the holidays?” He cocked his head to the side, and I wondered if I’d read him wrong. It was strange to me how he looked like he’d sucked on a lemon when Christmas songs were playing through the speakers, and he’d muttered under his breath a few times when we were on our way from Harmony House to Towne Tap the other night, always as we passed some of the more elaborate Christmas displays along Main Street. “Sorry, that was presumptuous of me. Sometimes, I have a tendency to let my internal monologue go public, and it gets me into trouble.”
“You’re fine,” Carson reassured me. “And you’re not far off. I don’t hate Christmas or anything, but it’s so overdone these days. I swear, the stores had Christmas shit on the shelves before Halloween. It just…it doesn’t mean what it used to anymore, you know?”
No, I didn’t know. I was one of those weirdos who loved walking into the stores, smelling the spicy cinnamon, and seeing the festive decor on the shelves, and I did a little happy dance when I heard the first carols of the season. It’d been a magical time for me since I’d learned to disassociate the holidays from my conservative upbringing.
But I didn’t want to get into a debate about the magic of the holidays with him. Some people just didn’t like this time of year. They were weird, but that was their prerogative. “I suppose. And I’m sorry if I’m overfeeding you. It’s sort of the way I show someone I’m thinking about them. It’s easy because food is a universal language. I don’t have to worry about boring anyone to tears when I go off on a tangent they’re not interested in.”
Sort of like right now. Except Carson’s eyes weren’t glazing over. Little lines formed at the corners as he smiled down at me. I liked the fact he was so much bigger than me. I imagined those broad shoulders and bulging biceps would give great hugs. I inhaled the scent of his smoky cologne or body wash mixed with the less pleasant odor of engine oil and gasoline. Somehow, the warring scents worked together to create something that would forever remind me of Carson.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Carson asked. I must have drifted off into my own head again. When I kicked at the packed snow on the ground, Carson surprised me by curling a finger beneath my chin, urging me to look at him. “Hey. Have a little faith in me, Ezra. I’m totally fucking lost here. Talk to me.”
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, my voice thready and higher-pitched than normal.
“I’m not sure I get what you mean.”
“I don’t understand why you’re trying so hard. I’m not worth the trouble.” I swallowed hard, the words of every man who’d told me they weren’t interested in seeing me again screaming in my mind. I’d done Carson a favor, really. If we’d gone through with dinner, it would have been a disaster, but unlike the guys I’d dated in college, we’d still have to see one another, which would be uncomfortable for both of us.
“You’re wrong about that,” Carson scolded me. “Maybe there’s nothing here but friendship. Maybe it could lead to something more. Maybe we’ll have that dinner, and you’ll realize you don’t want to spend more time with an antisocial neanderthal like me. But it’s always worth taking a chance to get to know someone better. At least, that’s what Rodney keeps telling me.”
“Huh?” This was so confusing. There really needed to be some sort of manual for getting to know a person better because Carson was making no sense at all.
“Never mind.” As if the mention of his name had conjured the man into existence, Rodney pulled around the back of the garage in his pickup, the plow blade scraping last night’s snowfall off the pavement. Carson grabbed my arm and led me to the side of the building. “Listen, I need to get back to work pretty quick. I should have time to look at your car later this afternoon. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
“How?”
Yes, I was a master conversationalist. If Mara or Lacey were here, they’d never let me live it down. I couldn’t help it that Carson scrambled my brain.
“At least now I have a reason to get your number.” Carson pulled out his phone. “Go ahead and text me your address. That way, I can run you home so you don’t have to walk, and I’ll be able to get in touch with you later.”
“I can just go over to Shiloh’s. He said he’d give me a ride after the morning rush.” Rodney was scowling at us from behind the windshield of his truck. I didn’t want to take up more of Carson’s time.
“If you don’t want me to give you a ride, that’s fine. But if you’re only saying that because you’re afraid you’ll put me out, I have to take a car for a test drive anyway. You can ride with me,” he offered. “We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”
“Is that allowed? I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.” I jerked my head toward Rodney, who hadn’t moved but seemed highly interested in our conversation.
“He’ll be fine,” Carson reassured me. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
While I waited for Carson to do whatever, I grabbed my reusable grocery bags from the back seat of my car. Rodney’s gaze tracked me across the parking lot and back to the building. I curled in on myself, wishing I could be invisible. The man scared the tar out of me.
“Ready?” Carson came back, holding a key fob. He pushed a button, and the blue sedan next to mine came to life. “I’m going to let Rodney know what’s going on, and then I’ll be over. Go ahead and get in.”
“I don’t want to get you in any trouble. Really, it’ll be okay if I ask Shiloh to run me home.” I couldn’t imagine a customer would be okay with him giving someone a ride home in their vehicle. I know I wouldn’t like it, only because I didn’t like people I didn’t know in my space.
“It’s my brother-in-law’s car,” Carson explained. “If it makes you feel better, I can give Michael a call and double-check that it’s okay with him.”
Oh. Well, that changed things a bit. I shook my head. “No, if you’re sure it’s okay, I’ll trust you.”
Carson started to lift his hand, quickly lowering it to his side when Rodney revved the engine. “Let me go deal with him. I’ll be there in a second.”
I settled into the seat, buckled up, and let my head fall against the headrest. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go, but maybe it was better. With nothing else to do for the rest of the day, I’d make the food that was supposed to be Carson’s lunch and invite him over for dinner. At least that way, any calamities would take place behind closed doors.
