9
CARSON
After droppingoff Ezra at his place and telling him I’d be back by six for dinner, I grabbed my phone to call my brother. I was in over my head and seriously needed a voice of reason.
“Hey, what’s up?” Billy answered. The house was quiet for a change. That made sense since the boys were at school and Michael, Billy’s husband, was at work. But it was still weird.
It was also fortunate because I needed to talk to someone who might understand a quarter of the shit in my head. “Hey, I have Michael’s car done. I was thinking about bringing it by the house as long as I’m out.”
“Uh-huh.” His tone said he didn’t believe me. “Is this a cheesy eggs and bacon visit or a whisky visit?”
“Damn, Billy, it’s not even noon. What in the hell do you do when you’re working from home?” I was joking. Mostly. Sometimes, I did wonder what he did until it was time to go into Harmony House near the end of the school day, but he worked harder in five hours than most of us did all day. And if he needed a bit of fortification before going in to deal with a building full of teenage angst, I wasn’t going to say anything.
Okay, so I would, but only because he worked too damned hard building that place to throw it all away. Which was why it was a good thing I knew him well enough to know that was something he’d never do. “So, eggs and bacon then?”
“Nah, not sure I’m in the mood to eat.” My stomach had been in knots since the moment I’d intertwined my fingers with Ezra’s last night. First, in confused excitement, and later because I was certain I’d fucked something up.
“Oh shit, that sounds serious,” Billy deadpanned. “The back door is unlocked whenever you get here. I’ll be in the basement.”
The drive to Billy and Michael’s didn’t take nearly long enough. They’d been working to renovate the farmette Billy had bought during a foreclosure auction, planning to make it a project home. It still was, but now with two men and two boys living in it instead of just him wandering the halls at night. I wasn’t jealous of him, necessarily. Not really. Maybe a little, only because he made everything this year had thrown his way look easy.
He didn’t freak out when he realized he was falling in love with a man. When we gave him a hard time about that man being our baby brother’s ex, he told us in no uncertain terms that we’d better get over our shit in a hurry because it was between the two of them and Danny. And because our youngest brother was one of the best men I knew, he’d given his blessing for the two of them to be together. He’d even admitted he wasn’t surprised by the revelation.
One thing was clear: Christmas this year was going to be interesting. It would be the first holiday with everyone in the same place. The last time Michael had sat on the living room floor with someone, it had been Danny. This year, he’d probably have Henry curled up on his lap, the little boy open his stocking presents.
I sure as fuck hoped Anson wasn’t planning on bringing anyone to Christmas at Mom and Dad’s. If he did, I’d be the odd man out. Literally. I wasn’t sure I wanted to deal with that. Maybe I could beg Rodney to stay open on Christmas and offer to work, just in case anyone had a car maintenance emergency. After all, not everyone celebrated, and someone might appreciate the offer.
“Honey, I’m home,” I bellowed as I toed off my shoes at the back door. The house smelled like Henry had dumped a huge canister of cinnamon all over the place and hadn’t been able to get it cleaned up. One look at the table showed I wasn’t too far off. It was covered in ornaments like Mom used to have us make to adorn the top of every tin of cookies we delivered to church members, the shut-ins she checked on every week, and the teachers at our school. That sight reminded me of everything that had made me eventually curl my lip at the sight of anything holiday-related, but remembering how Ezra listed the scent as one of the things he loved about the season, today, the corner of my mouth tipped up in a smirk.
I grabbed myself a cola out of the fridge on my way to the basement. It was hard to believe the space had once been little more than a poured concrete shelter from storms. They’d busted ass turning it into a functional office with a small play area for Henry when he wanted to spend time with his Billy. The two were so cute together that it made me want to puke. The little boy wasn’t aware just how much their lives had changed when his dad and Billy transitioned from friends to lovers and co-parents.
“Hey, putz. What’s going on with you?” He finished typing something, then closed his laptop and turned to face me. “Shit. You’re not coming down with the crap Danny’s got, are you?”
“The what? No. Danny’s sick?” I was so fucking confused. I’d just seen Danny a couple of days ago, and he’d seemed fine. Normally, Mom was all over calling to let us know when any of her guys were sick.
Billy crumpled a sheet of paper and whipped it at my head. I dodged, forgetting how bad his aim was, and managed to jerk to the right just in time for it to hit me in the nose. “So fucking mature.”
“Yeah, but it got your attention, didn’t it?” He pulled over one of Henry’s little chairs, using it as a footrest. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin against his palms. “So talk. You never bail on the garage in the middle of the day.”
“I didn’t bail,” I protested. “Ezra dropped his car off so I could take a look at it, and he needed a ride home. Since I needed to take Michael’s car out for a test drive before signing off on it, I decided I’d do both at the same time. And then I saw your truck parked outside city hall, so I decided to be a kind brother and drop it off so you didn’t have to go out with Henry later. I believe thank you is the appropriate response right about now.”
“Exactly why I’m worried about you,” Billy teased. “You’re not the go-out-of-your-way-to-do-nice-shit-for-people type. When the truck was down there and I asked you to drop it off, you told me to get off my ass and get my own shit.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I’m getting soft in my old age.” I tipped back my soda can, chugging it because my caffeine level was critically low.
I didn’t say anything for a solid minute. If I opened this can of worms, my reality would be out there. Billy wouldn’t let me hide from it the way Anson would. Maybe that was why he was the brother I’d chosen to approach about this. At least he’d understand why I was so fucking confused. Even if I suspected Anson might, I had no proof. It wasn’t until Billy spun back to face his computer, muttering something about me being a stubborn ass, that I found my courage.
Looking at his back was much easier than having to see his reaction when I dropped this bomb on him. “Did you always know you were into guys? Or was it something special about Michael? Is that even a thing?”
Billy spun back around so fast I was surprised he didn’t make himself dizzy. “You want to know how I realized I was in love with my best friend? Or is there something else you’re trying to figure out without coming right out and asking me?”
“Can it be both?” I tugged at the collar of my used-to-be-white T-shirt. I considered high-tailing it out of there before I stuck my foot firmly into my mouth.
Billy scooted his chair closer to me. “Talk to me, Carson. What’s going on?”
“I met someone,” I blurted out before my brain had a chance to catch up with my mouth.
“You’ve met a lot of people,” he responded sarcastically. When I didn’t immediately agree with him, Billy let out a bark of laughter. “Holy shit! This has to be good. What’s going on? Wait…you weren’t asking me about falling in love, you were asking me specifically about being with…are you saying…?”
