“I told him I couldn’t have dinner with him and started walking back to my car. And because it’s the type of guy he is, Carson walked back with me after I’d rejected him.”
“Hold the fucking phone!” She smacked her hands on the desk. “Carson? As in Carson Langsford?”
Crap. So first, I assumed he wanted me to be part of some sort of sexuality exploration, and now I’d outed him to my cousin with the big mouth and a captive audience ten hours a day. This was a nightmare. “You can’t say anything to anyone, Mara. I’m serious.”
She mimed a locking motion in front of her lips. “Give me a little credit, would you? I know you think I’m one of the biggest gossips of our generation, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to out anyone. Hell, do you know how many of the couples in town have sat in my little coffee shop while they were trying to sort out their shit?”
“Uh, no?” That was news to me. She loved telling me about everything that went down at the shop whenever she brought me food, certain I’d waste away without her, and she’d never mentioned anything about any gay couples hanging out there.
“Exactly. Because I know when to keep my damned mouth shut.” She pursed her lips. When I studied her expression, she seemed genuinely hurt. “Even I know there’s a difference between talking about Shelly and Cory getting back together for the nth time even though they’re toxic to one another and giving the assholes like your parents fodder for their weekly prayer circles. Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure this is a good idea? He’s so…not you. Like, he’s everything you despise. I’m pretty sure grunt is his first language, he likes hanging out at the Tap playing pool and darts, probably hasn’t seen a movie that wasn’t funded by Marvel in the past decade, and?—”
I knew all these things. And yet, I was starting to think there was a stark contrast between the Carson he showed the world and the man he truly was on the inside. He came from a family of animated personalities, and when you were a middle child, you got used to your voice not being heard. Or at least that’s what I’d been told. My parents stopped after my sister and me, saying they had all they needed after having a boy and a girl. Too bad for them only one of us would live up to their expectations.
“I’m still not sure there’s anything to be a good or bad idea. For all I know, tonight was a fluke, and I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.” That would be for the best, really. With the way things were looking at the bakery, I was in for a long month taking on more of the kitchen work now that I’d proved myself so Shiloh could focus on other things when we weren’t in an all-hands-on-deck situation for Christmas parties. If there was any question about the gossip mill’s power, just today, we’d had three calls from people who heard about the meeting at Harmony House and wanted us to come up with something for their private functions.
It was about the worst possible time to think about getting involved with someone, even if he was interested in me. And maybe Mara was right. We were way too different to make anything work.
Mara reached across the counter and squeezed my shoulder. “Oh, Ez. The look on your face says otherwise. I’d suggest you figure out how you’re going to fix this so you can find out.”
“Aren’t you the one who just listed off the reasons Carson’s a bad bet for me?”
“Yep. But what do I know? It’s not like I’m the queen of successful, healthy relationships.” Also true. Mara was well-known for choosing the worst possible men. “So here’s what you’re going to do…”
I listened intently as she put together a plan for apologizing to Carson and asking him to give me another shot without coming right out and begging him to take pity on me. There was no telling if it’d work, but I’d try anything. Carson was the first person to show interest in me since I’d moved back to Harmony Grove. He was lumberjack-sexy from head to toe, and for some reason, me being awkward hadn’t pushed him away.
I finished off my cocoa, sucked in a breath deep enough that it expanded my chest, and squared my shoulders. “Okay. I’m going to do this. But if it fails miserably, you’d better put the good stuff in my next cocoa.”
Mara pulled me into a tight hug. “You’re going to be just fine. The biggest thing you need to do is be yourself. Except, maybe don’t try to sell him on the reasons he should stay away from you. If Carson’s truly interested in you, that’s probably a big change for him too. Go easy on the guy because I have a feeling he’s going to fall hard when he finally goes down.”
8
EZRA
Sleep had beenelusive last night. Every time I closed my eyes, I thought about the catastrophe from the night before.You have to find a way to make it up to him. As if Mara’s lecture when I’d been at the coffee shop hadn’t been enough, she’d texted me after she closed up and got home.
By the time I drifted off, I’d figured out how I would implement the plan Mara had laid out for me. The first step was calling Shiloh to let him know I wasn’t going to be in today. The nice thing about the nature of my job was I didn’t have to be there every day. Of course, if I kept it up the way I was going, that could easily change. I wouldn’t complain. I loved my job, even if it was a complete waste of my degree, as my parents claimed.
If I wanted a job in my field, I’d have to go back to school, and as much as I loved learning, I was burned out on it. I could always get a teaching certificate pretty easily, but the thought of having to stand in front of kids every day was enough to send me spiraling into my hidey hole. Coming home caked in powdered sugar and flour was preferable to that. Besides, had I realized how baking would soothe me, I might have gone to culinary school instead, not that that would have been acceptable to them either.
“Ezra? You there?”
Oh crud! I’d gotten lost in thought and didn’t even remember hitting the call button. “Sorry, Shiloh. I, uh, I mean…” Lovely. I’d lost the ability to speak like an intelligent human being.
“Is everything okay?” I heard the mixer running in the background and kicked myself for interrupting him. He didn’t need to bother himself with my relationship woes and was probably counting on me being there today.
“Um, yeah. Sorry.” I closed my eyes, constructing the sentence in my head before I spoke. “I was just wondering, would it be possible for me to take today off? You see, my car’s been acting up, and if we’re going to be doing all these parties, I want to make sure I don’t get stranded on my way to a delivery.”
It was as good an excuse as any, and Carson had told me to swing by the shop at some point so he could take a look at my car to figure out what was going on. If I happened to come bearing gifts of food, all the better.
“Yeah, of course. You should have said something sooner,” he scolded me. “You know I don’t expect you in every day, right? You know what you need to get done.”
“I know, but you’ve been saying how much you’re able to get done when I’m there, and I really appreciate you giving me a shot,” I explained. He hadn’t even been actively hiring when I took a chance and asked him to keep me in mind if he ever had an opening. I still had some savings I’d been planning to live on until I found a job, but then he’d shocked me by hiring me on the spot.
“And I mean it. You’ve been a lifesaver. But you need to take care of your business too.” It was hard to believe he was only a year older than me. He wasn’t a native to Harmony Grove, but you’d never know that judging by how much he’d gotten involved in lately. “Take the day, and if your car needs to stay overnight, give me a call. If I’m busy, I’ll have Teddy or Lacey come and get you. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it.” I almost hung up before I remembered my manners. My Grammy would have whooped my backside if she was still here. “And thanks, Shiloh. For everything.”
As soon as I hung up the phone, I grabbed a scratch pad and started writing a grocery list. If Carson was busy at work, he wouldn’t have time for a sit-down meal, so I planned on taking him an assortment of foods he could grab and pop into his mouth as he rushed past. Hopefully, the guys he worked with wouldn’t think it was too weird as long as I took enough for them too.
