The cold winter air greeted us as we stepped outside. The snow had started falling again, blanketing the world in a shimmering white layer. We walked side by side, the space between us gradually shrinking. By the time we reached Stella’s, our fingers were intertwined, the connection undeniable.
When Ezra tried to pull away, I squeezed his fingers, urging him to close. “This okay with you?”
He swallowed hard, his steps faltering when he looked down at our joined hands. “Yeah. I think so.”
“Damn, you really know the way to burst a man’s ego, don’t you?” I teased, immediately regretting it when his expression fell. I reached up with my free hand, brushing a finger over his cheek. I had no fucking clue what was going on with me, but I couldn’t stop whatever it was. “Hey now, that was a joke.”
“Oh. Of course.” He worried the corner of his lip between his teeth. “Sorry, you probably think I’m weird. It’s just?—”
I cut him off before he could say anything else by pressing my finger to his lips. “Nope. Didn’t think that at all.”
“I’ve never done this before,” Ezra admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. If the bitter wind hadn’t been battering his face, I was certain his face would have been equally red, but from embarrassment.
Luckily, this was one scenario where I could put his mind at ease. I turned to face him and reached for his other hand. “Neither have I. And it scares the shit out of me.”
Ezra gaped at me, his eyes wide and his mouth opening and closing as if he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say. I wasn’t expecting his shoulders to slump as he curled in on himself. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I promise you I’m not.” I pulled him between two buildings, hoping for a bit of shelter from the weather. “I’ve never been interested in a guy before you, Ezra. Obviously, I was missing out. Or maybe it just took a special kind of guy to make me realize I’ve been barking up all the wrong trees.”
I thought laying my cards on the table would make him feel more at ease, but if anything, he tensed even more. I could practically see him erecting a wall between us. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
He took a step away from me, then another. I’d have given my left nut if he’d just looked at me with those shimmering hazel eyes. But I didn’t want to push him. He was obviously spooked.
“Is it okay with you if I take a raincheck on tonight?” he asked as the silence grew unbearable.
“Whatever you need.” It felt important that he understood I would never pressure him. Maybe he was freaked about the idea of being with a man too. But that didn’t seem right. I’d heard through the rumor mill that he was openly gay.
Maybe I was the problem. Fuck. That was probably it. He’d never been with a guy like me before. A dude who’d only been with women. Because yeah, my reputation wasn’t exactly a secret in town either.
Sometimes, living in a small town sucked big, hairy ones. “Let me walk you back to your car.”
“You don’t have to,” he hedged, already turning back toward the street.
“Well, I sort of do because my car’s in front of the bakery. I figured it’d be more comfortable walking together instead of me following you like some sort of creepy stalker,” I explained.
“Yeah, okay.”
We walked back to the bakery in painful silence. Somehow, I’d managed to completely botch what would have been our first date-like thing. And he was skittish enough that I wasn’t certain I’d get a second chance.
7
EZRA
Well,that was spectacularly awful. I sank into the driver’s seat but didn’t start the car right away. When Carson didn’t leave immediately, I feared I’d have to go back inside and start baking more just to wait him out. He was probably trying to be nice, but I couldn’t face him. Not after I’d screwed everything up.
Finally, he pulled out of his parking spot, leaving me to wallow in peace. I should have gone home, but the thought of my empty apartment was too depressing to face on the heels of ruining my first shot at a date in a long time. I wasn’t surprised. That was how every attempt at dating went for me. I always did or said something to scare off guys before we made it to the end of the first date. That said, making a fool of myself before we even walked into the restaurant was a new low, even for me.
There weren’t many places open this time of night, so I carefully backed out of my stall and headed in the opposite direction Carson had gone. At least I knew I wouldn’t have to relive my mortification. The neon sign in the front window of Hearth & Foam flashedOpenas I pulled into the parking lot. It was busier than expected for early evening, but the cold night was perfect for a cup of hot cocoa or one of Mara’s special coffee confections.
“Hey, sweetie. You want your usual?” Mara called out as soon as I stepped through the front door. My cousin was busy making drinks while her teenage employee rang up the next customer.
“Yeah, that’d be great.” I took a seat on one of the stools at the end of the bar.
As soon as Mara finished her current order, she made me a hot cocoa heaped with whipped cream, drizzled with caramel, and topped off with chocolate shavings. Great. She knew something was up. This wasn’t my usual drink. It was what she gave me when she planned on forcing me to tell her what was going on.
I had a brief reprieve as a group of high schoolers came in, each ordering something complicated. Or so I thought. She didn’t miss a beat as she grabbed the next cup and started pulling espresso shots. “So, what brings you in tonight? I heard about you making an appearance at the Harmony House meeting last night. I figured you’d be on top of the world today.”
That made two of us. And for a while, I had been. My stomach churned as I mentally recounted how I’d messed up this time, wondering if telling Mara would be a colossal mistake. I loved her to death, but telling her my personal business was about the same as if I’d gone into the salon and poured my heart out to Jasper while he had one of the little old ladies in his chair. Or if I’d gone to Towne Tap and spilled my guts to the bartender. At least he didn’t know me, so he wouldn’t judge me or chalk this up to me being completely inept in social situations.
