By the time I got home, I was famished. I’d been too nervous to eat much this morning, and Billy hadn’t pushed as long as I got something in my system. Now, I was wishing he had so I wasn’t walking around light-headed.
The house was quiet with Henry at school and Billy was tying up loose ends at Harmony House. I felt lighter, almost playful, at the thought of both of us sneaking out of work early to spend some time together. It was completely out of character and yet exactly what I needed.
I headed to the kitchen and started fixing myself a sandwich. I debated making a second for Billy. As I was gathering the ingredients, my phone buzzed. I picked it up and saw a text from Billy.
Something came up at Harmony House. Not sure when I'll be able to make it over. Will keep you posted.
His message was vague, which was unlike him. My stomach clenched with worry. Billy was usually open about what was happening at Harmony House. He trusted me, and I trusted him. If he wasn’t elaborating, it had to be serious.
If you need anything or just want to talk, I’m here.
Even though I hadn’t planned on having him with me when I decided to work from home for the afternoon, it wasn’t the same without him. Every clunk of the refrigerator or truck rumbling past on the street out front annoyed me.
As the afternoon wore on, my thoughts kept drifting back to Billy and Harmony House. Was it something to do with funding? Were the kids alright? I tried to focus on my work, but my mind was too scattered.
Eventually, I packed everything up and grabbed the book Billy had picked up for me last weekend. If not for the fact he was busy with whatever was going on at the center, I’d have texted him a picture to show him I was capable of relaxing. Or at least, I was learning how to relax.
I entered the daycare to get Henry, finding him sitting in a corner with his head hung low. He barely acknowledged me when I went to pick him up. This wasn't at all the exuberant little boy I was used to. He loved school but today, he seemed absolutely miserable.
“Did anything happen today?” I asked Ms. Lana as I grabbed Henry's backpack.
“No, he was fine until about one o'clock. Since then, he's gotten grumpier by the minute it seems.” Her frown told me I wasn't over-reacting; this was definitely out of character for him.
“Hey, little man.” I crouched in front of him, holding my arms open for a hug. He came to me, but his hug was about as fierce as a wet noodle. I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead. “You're not getting sick again, are you?”
Henry shook his head.
“Then what's wrong? I can't fix it unless you tell me what's going on.”
“Uncle Billy didn't pick me up today,” he informed me. My heart fractured, knowing how much Henry had grown to rely on Billy's presence.
It was stupid of me to expect anything different. Billy had been a constant in both of our lives for nearly two months now. And that wasn’t even taking into account the fact he’d been a constant in Henry’s life since I’d picked him up from the hospital the day Jessica was transferred back to prison.
“Hey, Uncle Billy would be here if he could, but he had to help people at his work today,” I explained, hoping Henry’s big heart would help ease his pain a bit. “As soon as he’s done, I’m sure he’ll come and see you. Maybe we can go out for ice cream tonight. I’m sure he’d like that after a bummer day at work.”
Whatever was going on, I was certain it wasn’t good that he’d sent such an abrupt message before going silent. Ice cream would be the best remedy.
“Can we go to the park, too?” Oh, to be the age where ice cream and a trip to the park could make everything in the world right again.
“We’ll have to see how he’s feeling,” I hedged. “But maybe the two of us can go right now. I know it’s not the same but at least then we’re not home thinking about him.”
“Do you miss Uncle Billy, too?” Henry’s eyes widened.
Yeah, I did miss him. I’d gone from trying to do everything on my own to having a partner to help ease that burden, which only made it that much harder when he wasn’t around. But more than that, I simply missed him when we were apart. “I do. He’s my best friend.”
He was becoming so much more, but I wasn’t going to say that to Henry until I had a chance to warn Billy we were approaching the point of no return. No, that was a lie; we’d sailed right on past and there was no turning back for me now. A life where Billy went back to being nothing more than a friend felt like a punch in the gut.
Because the universe seemed to have it out for me, as soon as I had Henry buckled into the back seat, the skies opened with an afternoon storm. Instead of the park, Henry and I ran to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner. I’d become so accustomed to home cooked meals that pizza didn’t sound appetizing. And I was looking forward to making dinner for Billy for a change, since he always cooked for us.
Dinner was quieter than normal, as if both of us were just a bit lost without Billy sitting between us. I was clearing the table and loading the dishwasher when my phone finally buzzed. It was a text from Billy.
Can’t make it tonight. Will explain everything later. Sorry.
My heart sank a little. I worried for him and the kids at Harmony House. But I also missed him. The house felt emptier without him. He’d quickly become such a fixture in our lives, his absence was deeply felt.
I helped Henry finish building a spaceship he wanted to surprise Billy with, gave him a bath, and put him to bed.
I then settled on the couch with my laptop, trying to get some work done, but it was impossible to focus. I wasn’t supposed to work after dinner anymore. That was one of the first rules Billy had given me, and I’d been sleeping better since there was a clear demarcation between work time and personal time. I stashed my laptop under the couch so I wasn’t tempted to grab it off the coffee table and picked up the remote. Without Billy there, I chose one of my nature shows instead of the show we’d been watching together.
