I couldn’t remember the last time I’d drank as much as I had in the past few weeks. Actually, I could; it was just over three years ago when I was trying to figure out how I’d totally misread what was happening, or not happening, between Lincoln and me.
He’d recently come out to Hunter and Isabella, and they were in the early stages of their divorce. While I still wasn’t open to the idea of being in a relationship, something deep inside of me decided to tell Lincoln how I felt about him. In my mind, it was perfect; I wanted to keep my private life private, and he was nowhere near ready for the world to know he was gay.
All of the companionship without any of the pressure. Or so I thought. It’d never occurred to me that Lincoln might say no, so when it happened, I’d done what I do best. I closed myself off and avoided him.
“Man, you still with us?” Sam Glenn, our defensive coordinator, smacked me in the shoulder. I shook my head, trying to remember what in the hell we were talking about. Oh yeah, Zach. “You know something about Kendricks you’re not telling us? I know he’s not one of mine, but if he’s got a problem, we need to know so we can keep an eye on it.”
Lincoln hung back as we talked, looking ready to take off. While I tried to figure out how in the hell I could invite him to join us, Teddy had it all under control. “Sims, you should hear this, too.”
That definitely got a reaction out of the coaches. Our crew had always had a great working relationship, trusted Teddy to know what he was doing, but that didn’t mean they were thrilled about an outsider being invited into what they thought should be a private conversation.
Dean opened his mouth, probably to say exactly what was on his mind, but Teddy silenced him with one stony look. His gaze then traveled to each of the other men gathered around the table, daring them to speak. Each one subtly shook their heads, leaving Teddy with a satisfied smirk.
Lincoln moved closer, settling against the bar directly behind me. As everyone waited for Teddy to speak, I resisted the urge to turn around and look at Lincoln.
Time had been good to him. What’d once been fine lines at the corners of his eyes were more pronounced. He was a bit smaller than the last time we’d seen one another, but was still huge by most people’s standards. Lincoln was one of the few men I’d met who towered over me and he obviously still found time to work out, given the way his T-shirt stretched over his broad chest and biceps.
And dammit all if my hands didn’t twitch with the urge to touch his freshly shaven dark bronze scalp. I’d never been able to explain why, but whenever I thought about being intimate with Linc, one of my deepest innocent fantasies had been relaxing with him on the couch, massaging his head while he talked about our days.
Someone chuckled and I realized everyone was watching me. Hell, Linc was making me stupid. “Sorry guys, I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
I should really get that printed on a T-shirt and save my breath, as often as I’ve said it lately.
Teddy shook his head, but bit back whatever retort came to his mind before steering the conversation back on track.
“Okay, it’s not really my place to share a player’s personal business, but this is about to blow up in all our faces,” he began. It was the first time he’d given any indication he was truly concerned about the fallout from this revelation. “Zach came to me before the start of training camp and we had a pretty heavy conversation. As you all know, he was chosen as one of the featured players for this season ofOutside the Pocket.”
“Trust me, we’ve all heard about it,” Dean interrupted. “A bunch of the players who’ve paid their dues in the league are trying to figure out who he blew to get that type of airtime.”
Behind me, Lincoln choked on his beer. Sam smacked the back of Dean’s head. Teddy narrowed his eyes on everyone, and within seconds, there was total silence.
“Interesting choice of words, Dean,” Teddy responded, obviously unamused. “I’m pretty sure Zach would gladly have let somebody else have the so-called honor of being followed around with a camera invading their private lives. The reason Zach was chosen, it seems, is that the network found out he’s gay and is hoping to capitalize on his success or failure.”
“Kendricks is gay?” Dean asked at the same time Sam responded with a simple, “Huh, no shit?”
“Yeah, so the dick-sucking jokes, not acceptable,” Teddy chastised. “Anyway, that’s what’s going on with him, in a nutshell.”
“But there’s more to it, isn’t there?” Dean asked when Teddy didn’t offer more of an explanation.
“Of course there is,” Teddy confirmed. “While I can’t prove they found out about his sexuality prior to the first day of filming, it seems a bit too convenient that his former boyfriend is one of the cameramen. I don’t think this man, Griffin, was privy to their plans, either, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s here. At my urging, Zach opened up to deShawn and one of the cameras captured audio, and that leech of a producer was practically drooling when he brought it up to me. My assumption is that he was hoping I’d be disgusted and give them something usable for the show.”
“Which is why we’re talking about this here, where there are no cameras,” Sam stated. Teddy nodded. Sam assessed Lincoln, trying to figure out where he fit into this puzzle. “What about him? Why’s it okay if he knows? Aren’t you worried about him trying to get the jump on the show?”
“The fact that you think I would do something so disgraceful proves how little you know about me.” Lincoln stepped in, curling his fingers over the back of my chair. I could feel the anger coming off him in waves. Lincoln prided himself on being an honorable man, which, come to think of it, probably had a lot to do with why the divorce was so hard on him even though it’d been his suggestion. He’d lied to his wife and son for years and it ate away at him. “I am thelastperson who would sell Zach’s story to a sleazy website, only in part due to the fact that I’m one of the few who truly understand what he’s going through right now. Teddy asked me to try talking to him while I’m in town because Zach appears to be failing at the very thing I was brought in to talk toyourplayers about. He needs to find a balance before he kills himself.”
“It’s nothing personal, but there was a time when we’d have thought the production company could be trusted, too,” Dean scoffed. It was tempting to reach out and strangle both of them for being complete dicks to someone I considered a friend. I didn’t, because I had to admit that I’d have been leery about anyone outside our coaching staff knowing, if it was someone other than Lincoln who’d become involved.
“You’re right,” Lincoln agreed. His hands slipped off the chair. “I’m going to take off and let you guys talk this out amongst yourselves.”
“Linc, you don’t have to go,” I said, hoping my tone didn’t sound like pleading to anyone but me.
“I think I do,” he argued. “Even though they’re wrong about my intentions, they don’t know me. This is something your staff needs to discuss so you’re ready for whatever happens without them being distracted worrying about whether I’ll say something.”
I looked to Teddy, wanting him to say something, anything, to get us back to that place where the only tension was the ignored chemistry between Linc and me. He remained silent as he pressed the pads of his fingers against his temples. “Lincoln, you’re more than welcome to stay. While I can appreciate my coaches’ concern, I’m the one who invited you here because I thought you might have valuable insight that’d help us guide our player through whatever’s heading his way.Iasked for your help becauseItrust that you are the best man for the job.”
“Thank you, Teddy.” Lincoln wasn’t going to be swayed into staying. “I’m going to head back to the hotel room and get ready for tomorrow. And I’ll do everything in my power to get Zach to take it easier than he has been, hopefully get him to open up to someone.”
I felt as unprepared to watch him leave as I had been to see him tonight. I’d been hoping that, after dinner, we might be able to catch up on the safer topics. Hunter’s name was being mentioned as someone who was likely to enter the draft, and I was curious to hear if those rumors were true.
