“It’s Patrick,” he responded, so quietly I barely heard him. “He was…this morning…it’s not good.”
Lincoln was one of the most articulate men I knew, but today he seemed incapable of forming a coherent thought. I flopped into my desk chair and started searching flights. Whatever was happening, I needed to be there with him, not hundreds of miles away. I mentally kicked myself for insisting that I stay in Wilmington for the week.
Had I just let go of my own stubborn beliefs for once in my miserable life, I could be there with him, helping through… I still had no cluewhathad happened. “Linc, slow down and start from the beginning.”
“Sorry,” he apologized. The background noise changed, the sound of wind blowing across the microphone making it difficult to hear as he walked me through this morning’s events.
My stomach flipped and my heart raced when he told me about coming up on the scene of the accident, not knowing whether Patrick was alive or dead inside the mangled car. His voice broke and my heart shattered, wishing I was there to gather him in my arms as he fell apart.
“How is he now?” I asked, holding my breath until Linc answered.
“In surgery. Everyone keeps talking about how lucky he is to be alive, but I have to wonder if he’ll see it that way.” Silence filled the line as Linc held back the thought that’d already crossed my mind.
Was this an accident? Or was this Patrick’s way of taking control of the life he felt he was losing? I tamped that thought into the dark recesses of my mind, unwilling to think any man would try to take his own life right before the holidays. No way would Patrick do that to his wife and son. To his friends.
“How areyoudoing?” I asked as I typed in my contact information to book an outrageously expensive flight for later tonight.
“Hanging in there,” he told me. “Hunter’s sitting with Tanner for a bit. I think we’re all stunned right now. I want to be angry with Patrick for leaving without telling anyone. I want to cry, but that feels like mourning him while he’s still alive. And I see so much of that same emotion on Tanner’s face.”
My finger hovered over the button on my mouse. One click and I’d be on my way to Alabama for the weekend. But something was stopping me. I really was a miserable excuse for a boyfriend. I should be clearing my entire schedule for however long Linc wanted me there with him. And there was no doubt in my mind that he wished we were together, but he’d never say anything. “Listen, is it okay if I give you a call back in a bit? I promise I’m not trying to blow you off, but I need to talk to Teddy before he leaves for the weekend. I’m going to ask him if it’d be okay for me to take some time off so I can come down by you.”
“Nix, you don’t have to do that,” he assured me. “You guys are holding on to your playoff spot by a thread. They need you there. I’ll be fine.”
“No,youneed me there with you.” But did he? He sure as hell didn’t sound excited about me dropping everything so I could be the supportive boyfriend. Shit. Maybe that was the problem; while he’d told his friends about why he was spending so much time in North Carolina, they’d never actuallyseenthe two of us together. And there was no denying the fact this wasn’t the time to make some sort of grand statement. Maybe everything he was dealing with in Alabama was easier because he was able to compartmentalize his life. “Unless, of course, you don’t. Tell me now, before I buy this ticket.”
“It’s not that I don’twantyou here, Nix.” There was a pleading tone to Linc’s voice. “I want you here more than anything, but we still don’t know what’s going to happen. As much as it kills me to say, I’d rather you stay there until we have a bit better idea of how the next few days are going to play out. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get back up there. I know we said we were going to head to the beach for Christmas, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Don’t worry about that right now,” I insisted. “If you think I’m so fucking heartless that I’d be angry about our plans changing, you don’t know me very well.” Okay, so he did, and there was a time in my life when I would’ve been pissed rather than disappointed, but I was slowly learning to put others’ needs, Lincoln’s needs, ahead of my own.
“That’s not what I meant.” Lincoln let out a frustrated sigh. “Believe it or not, I’m the one who’s upset about having to stay down here. I miss you.”
“Just not enough to let me fly down on a moment’s notice to help you.” Okay, so maybe I hadn’t changed quite as much as I’d originally thought. “I’ll tell you what, I’m still going to talk to Teddy. That way, if things change and you do want me to fly down, it won’t be a surprise to him. The team’s in good shape right now and I need to learn to give up some of the control. We have an exceptional training staff and I’m sure they’ll be able to get the guys ready for next weekend.”
“Okay,” Lincoln conceded. “And thank you for offering to fly down. Idomiss you and want you here, but I’d prefer we wait until we know more about what’s going on.”
“Call me when you do and we’ll go from there,” I instructed him.
“Love you,” Lincoln said softly.
I returned the sentiment before hanging up and stared at my phone until the display went dark. For the first time in who knew how long, I couldn’t wait to get away from the training facility.
My heart ached for Patrick’s family. For Lincoln.
* * *
When I got backfrom lunch with Teddy, Zach was hard at work in the weight room. His workouts had gotten longer and more intense over the past month. On the field, he was in the best shape of his life, but as I watched him, I could see that his body was tired. He needed to slow down a bit before he hurt himself. But this was his coping mechanism, his way to ignore how much he missed his boyfriend, and that was certainly something I was coming to understand.
I clutched at my chest, wishing Linc would call back and let me know what was going on with Patrick. The only reason I hadn’t called him was I knew he was frustrated about the lack of information beyond hearing that surgery went well and the next few days would be critical to Patrick’s recovery.
Teddy encouraged me to book the flight, regardless of Lincoln’s insistence that I wait. In the years I’d been with the Breakers, I’d not once taken time off.
During the off-season, I was busy helping sort through prospects before the draft and working to put together the best mini-camps in the league once I knew how our team was taking shape for that year. It was because of my diligence in the training room, Teddy said, that the Breakers had gone from an easily forgotten team along the coast to a contender.
They’d miss me while I was gone, but Teddy wanted me to take this time to think about myself first, think about what would matter to me if I was the one fighting for my life in a hospital bed. Would I be obsessed with whether or not I’d spent enough hours hovering over my players? Or would I wish I’d spent more time supporting the man I loved?
When he put it that way, my decision had been easy. Now, I just needed to talk to Lincoln, make sure he had no plans to fly back here to keep me happy.
I stalked across the weight room, deciding the best way to take my mind off waiting for Lincoln’s call was to put Zach through one last grueling workout before we locked up the training facility for a few days. We started out easy, but as soon as he started mouthing off about how he could do more, I added plates to either side of the bar, hiding a smirk as he exerted himself to get through the set.
