“Good job today. Get showered and we’ll go get some dinner,” I told him as soon as he finished his last set of chest presses. Linc still hadn’t called and I wasn’t ready to be alone.
“Excuse me?” Zach seemed stunned that I’d suggested we share a meal. We’d become closer than player and trainer over the past few months, but these were the moments that reminded me what a withdrawn asshole I’d been before Linc came back into my life. Made me realize how much happier I was when I wasn’t going out of my way to be miserable.
“When’s Griffin getting into town?” I asked, handing him a water bottle.
“He should be to the house by about ten tonight,” he replied. The old me would’ve given him shit for the way his face softened when he realized the man he loved would soon be home for good.
“Good. Then you can keep an old man company.”
“You’re still not flying out to spend Christmas with someone special?” he pried.
“Shower, Kendricks,” I barked, ignoring his question. “I’ll meet you out front. And hurry, I’m hungry.”
While I waited for Zach to shower, I paced the dark corridor trying to figure out whether I should listen to Teddy or Lincoln. Teddy made a good point about this being a chance for me to prove to both Lincoln and myself that I was capable of setting him as my priority in life. One thing I never wanted was for Linc to feel like an afterthought, but then I reminded myself that Linc knew what he was getting into when he first proposed giving this relationship a shot.
He knew I was dedicated to making sure every player on my team was healthy and as strong as possible. And Linc wasn’t wrong in saying we needed to stay that way if we had any hopes of making it to the playoffs this year. I trusted my staff, but if something went wrong because I took time off, I’d never forgive myself. And there was a damn good chance the head office wouldn’t forgive me, either. My internal debate was cut short by the ringing of my phone. Linc.
“Hey, any word?” I answered, not wanting to waste time with pleasantries.
“He made it through the surgery.” The somber tone of Linc’s voice told me that was good news, but Patrick wasn’t out of the woods. “Now, we wait and see what happens. He’s in rough shape. And I feel horrible, because part of me hopes he doesn’t wake up. The chances of him leading anything resembling a normal life again are slim to none. Add that on top of everything he was already going through…”
His words trailed off, not daring to say what was on his mind.
“You’re not a bad person, babe. Even before the accident, you knew how hard it was for Patrick to get through the day knowing his mind was slipping away from him,” I reminded Linc. “And you’re right—he wouldn’t cope well with permanent physical injuries on top of the neurological issues. Wishing for him to have a life without the constant struggle and suffering isn’t wrong. It’s actually really selfless, because you know how much it’s going to hurt to lose him.”
“Yeah, but still…” Linc sounded tired, both emotionally and physically. I wished I’d gone with my gut and bought a ticket early this morning so I could be there with him. “It’s going to crush Angie and Tanner if he doesn’t pull through this. I’m worried about them, too.”
“I know you are,” I told him. His feelings were completely normal, but I wasn’t sure there was anything I could say to make him understand. “Listen, I talked to Teddy today. He was pretty adamant that I fly down there to be with you.”
“Not yet, Nix,” Linc argued. “I promise, once we know more about what’s going on, if Angie needs me to stay down here for a while and help her, then I’ll book your ticket myself. But right now, I just… It’s not the right time for me to ask you to put your life on hold. Patrick wouldn’t want that and you know it. He’d want you right where you’re at, whipping your players into shape so they’re ready for the playoffs. I need you to do that for me.”
“Okay, I get it,” I told him. It still stung to know he wasn’t begging me to book the first flight down, but there was no way I could argue his logic.
“I’m sorry we won’t be together for our first Christmas,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“You need to be there.” No way was he going to feel guilty about this. “I’m not upset. We’ll figure out our own way to celebrate, even if it’s in the middle of March. It’s not about the date on the calendar for me, it’s about getting to spend time with you.”
“Look at you acting all sweet and romantic.”
“Hey, if you’d prefer, I can go back to being a callous asshole.”
“Nope, I think I like you better this way. I just didn’t realize you had it in you.”
“I’m notthatmuch of an asshole,” I argued. “I mean it. I’d rather spend time with you some random weekend than have you fly home to be with me, knowing your mind is still in that hospital. And because you made such a strong argument, I’ll call Teddy tonight and let him know I’m not flying out just yet. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to do that whole compromise thing.”
“Thank you.” For nearly a full minute, there was no sound across the line other than our breathing. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine we were together, that I was sitting next to Lincoln on those hard plastic chairs, telling him it’d all be okay even though I wasn’t certain it would be.
The grim reality was nothing was ever going to be the same again for Patrick’s friends and family. Either he’d live and they’d all have to figure out their new normal, or he’d die and they’d be left to learn how to go on without him.
“I’m going to get back inside. Hunter stayed with Angie and Tanner while I ran out to get dinner. Neither of them wanted anything, but they need to eat.”
“Sounds good. Do you want me to call you when I get home tonight?”
“Yeah, but text me first, just in case we’re talking to the doctors.”
“Okay. I miss you,” I admitted, because it seemed like something he needed to hear. It was time for me to learn to be more open about my feelings, especially with him.
“Same here. Love you.”
