Morning afters were almost alwaysawkward. This one was no different, but not for the usual reasons. Lounging on Lincoln’s couch with my arm draped over the back while I watched him move around the kitchen working to make me a hot breakfast before my flight seemed perfectly normal.
I’d told him he didn’t need to, that we could hide out in his bed until it was time to leave, but he insisted. Personally, I’d have much rather gone with my suggestion, because I could get food and coffee at the airport. I couldn’t get a warm body to curl up against.
And with Lincoln, I didn’t feel the same anxiety as I woke up that had plagued me the few times I’d allowed myself to spend the night with a man. I wanted to stay next to him as long as possible.
Whatwasawkward was the sudden entrance of Hunter. I’d never dealt with someone’s kid knowing damn well what’d gone on, but Hunter wasn’t stupid. He didn’t need to hear our cries of ecstasy to know we’d had sex last night.
The scowl he wore when he stepped into the living area said it all.I know what you did and you need to leave.
“Oh, hey Hunter,” Lincoln said brightly when he realized we had company. “Just now getting home? Must’ve been some party.”
“Yeah, bet we had almost as good a time as you did last night.” He glared in my direction, then stomped up the stairs without another word. Lincoln sighed heavily, leaning against the counter with his head hung low. I froze, unfamiliar with what I was supposed to do now. I wanted to comfort him, but I didn’t want to risk Hunter coming back down and seeing us cozied up to one another.
“I’m sorry, Nix,” he apologized. His words were weary and I feared this was the end of the line for us. It should be, since I still couldn’t give him what he wanted, but I wasn’t ready to let him go now that I’d had a taste of him.
It wasn’t just about the unbelievably hot sex. That was a nice perk, but falling asleep with him in my arms meant even more. Waking up to his fingers carding through my hair, the deep creases at the side of his mouth when I opened my eyes, the hope which shone from his face. I wanted all of it.
“He’s trying to come around, but it’s a lot for him.”
“You don’t need to explain,” I reassured him.
“Yes, I do,” he insisted. “We talked a bit and he admitted to me that he’s struggling with my sexuality. And I think it’s worse now that he knows you’re here, because he can’t lie to himself and say I was trying to come up with a convenient excuse to get out of my marriage. He was brutally honest about how he felt like his entire childhood was a lie once I came out, because he’d always thought Isabella and I were happy together. And we were, but I didn’t love her the way I needed to. And eventually, it took its toll on both of us. Someday, he’ll understand that, but he asked me to be patient with him.”
“Then that’s what you do,” I said with confidence I didn’t truly feel. This time, I didn’t stop myself from getting off the couch to hold him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressed my chest to his back, and kissed his neck. “We take things slow. If he sees that you’re happy, I have a feeling he’ll come around quicker than you think he will.”
“Does that mean we’re finally on the same page at the same time?” Linc asked hopefully. I smiled, loving that I could give this to him. Yes, it scared the ever-living shit out of me, but I wasn’t going to let myself cower to that fear. All it took was one night for me to realize Teddy had been right; I needed more in my life than the team. I needed this man. No clue how we were supposed to make that happen with the distance, but we’d figure that out.
Linc turned in my grasp, pressing his lips to the top of my head. I inhaled deeply, trying to imprint his scent on my brain to tide me over until we saw one another again.
“Yeah, I think it’d be stupid to keep trying to ignore how good we could be together. But Hunter and I aren’t all that different; I need you to be patient with me, too. I’ve never done this before. I’m an old man with a lot of preconceived notions stuck in my head. It’s going to take time for me to be content with what’s happening here.”
“That’s the benefit of falling in love with your best friend.” I swallowed hard at Linc’s casual use of the L word. Would it ever be easy for me to admit I’d loved him for years?
Linc must’ve sensed my anxiety, because he crooked a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I know you, Nix. I know all your defense mechanisms. This time, when you run, I’ll be right behind you. When you shut me out, you’d better make sure your phone is fully charged, because I’ll be blowing it up with messages. I’m not going to let you ruin a good thing. And once I get things squared away here, Iamgoing to take you up on your offer to visit you in Wilmington.”
“As much as I want that, my schedule’s a bit crazy,” I reminded him. The season was starting, which meant I’d be on the road a lot. I didn’t want him isolated and waiting for me when he could be home helping his son navigate what was likely his last season as a college ball player. Watching Hunter, I saw the fire, the drive to succeed, and there was no way he was going to stick around in lecture halls when he could be out on the field.
Linc wouldn’t want to hear that, but I’d been around enough rookies to recognize the look. And Hunter would be a damn good addition to any team as long as he focused on taking care of his body the same way a musician pampered their instrument.
“I know that,” Lincoln said, kissing my temple. “And if you’re having second thoughts about asking me to come up, I’ll understand that, too. But I want to give us a real shot, Nix, and we can’t do that with phone calls and occasional visits. In case you didn’t notice, Hunter’s not a kid anymore. There was a time when I would’ve laid into him for sneaking into the house at five in the morning. Now, I’m happy when he does come home, but I no longer expect it. He spends more time with his friends, staying at their places because it’s cooler than hanging out at the house you grew up in. That leaves me on my own most of the time. And I hate that. I don’t deal well with walking aimlessly through the house, wondering if everything was worth it. Wondering if I should’ve waited to come out until Hunter graduated from college. Wondering if Isabella is sincere when she tells me she doesn’t hate me for how our marriage ended. Remembering moments that seemed inconsequential at the time, but have turned into fond memories somewhere along the way. I think it’ll be good for me to get out of here for a little while.”
Linc wasn’t usually a man to share his frustrations or insecurities. He’d been raised to keep that to himself, to always give the impression that his life was great. I envied him that, because unless you truly knew him and could read between the lines, it appeared he had everything he’d ever wanted. Very few people got to see this side of him.
I rested my head on his chest, hoping I wouldn’t let him down. “My door is always open. When you figure out what you’re doing, give me a call and I’ll make sure you have a way to get in if we’re out of town.”
“I’ll make sure I come up when you’re home,” he told me. “I need to talk to Hunter and let him know what’s going on. Even if he doesn’t want to hear it, he deserves that much. If we try to hide this, he’ll think it’s because I don’t trust him to handle the truth. And he needs to, because if I have my way, you’re going to be a part of both of our lives for a hell of a long time.”
“I hope you’re right,” I whispered, choking down the emotions that overwhelmed my senses. I wished I had half the faith in us that Linc did.
Linc withdrew from our embrace to fill two plates with food. I grabbed the coffee and followed him to the screened-in porch. The view was nothing special, but this early in the day, it was peaceful. Singing birds provided background music for our breakfast and there was a cool breeze blowing. Before long, the air would turn heavy and hot, but not yet.
As we ate, Linc distracted me from what I’d just agreed to by asking about various players on the team. I couldn’t say much since I still didn’t know who’d be staying or leaving, but it was easy to share my opinions with him.
That morphed into discussing Zach and how he was handling his second year in the league with his announcement hanging over his head. Zach was strong and he had Griffin to confide in when life got to be too much. He was going to be just fine as long as the two of them kept talking. I knew he was worried about what would happen once Griffin found a job, but for now, they seemed to be taking things one day at a time. It was a good lesson; one I could stand to learn.
I insisted on cleaning the kitchen while Linc got ready to drive me to the airport. He’d loaned me a T-shirt so I wasn’t doing the walk of shame high in the sky across several states, but when your bags flew home before you did, there wasn’t much preparation before a flight. All I had was my laptop bag, which was already sitting next to the front door.
Footsteps on the stairs echoed through the house as I finished putting the last plate in the cupboard. I spun around, expecting to see Linc, but it was Hunter, leaning against the doorway. This wasn’t how I wanted to end my trip to Alabama. Despite Linc’s reassurances that Hunter would eventually come around, I refused to do anything that’d create a chasm in their relationship. They’d always been close and I wasn’t going to be the one to force that change.
